Before tying the knot for the second time, it's wise to learn some marriage lessons. It's not always someone's fault when relationships break up, but you certainly don't want to repeat mistakes. Yet if you don't start your second marriage wiser from the first one, you risk no. 2 going wrong as well. Here are the marriage lessons you need to have learned before your second wedding …
1. What Went Wrong
The first one of the marriage lessons you should learn is to identify what went wrong in your first marriage. It might seem obvious what led to the split, but sometimes you need to ask yourself some tough questions. Look at your own behaviour, and consider what you could have done differently.
2. Falling for a Type
We've all heard about how some women fall for bad boys. Certainly it's not unusual to have a "type." Think about whether your ex-husband and other relationships have been similar. If so, it may be the case that you fall for the wrong type of guy for you. If your current partner is the same type - think twice before tying the knot.
3. All about Me
Everybody has failed relationships. It's part of life, and it's through things going wrong that you learn what matters to you. So take a long look at yourself - but not in a critical way. Don't beat yourself up about making mistakes. Rather, try to work out what kind of person you are and what's important to you.
4. What Commitment Takes
It takes two to make a relationship work, and both partners need to be totally committed to each other. Perhaps your first marriage didn't work out because one of you wasn't really committed. Or maybe you were too young to appreciate how much effort it takes. Make sure that both of you really understand the work you need to put in.
5. Does Marriage Matter?
Another question to ask yourself before remarrying is whether marriage really matters to you. Like having children, you should never let yourself be pressured into getting married. Perhaps you're happier without the legal aspect. Getting married again when you aren't that committed to the ideal makes a second divorce more than likely.
6. It's OK to Be Alone
Never enter into a relationship because you're afraid of being alone. When your first marriage breaks up it can come as a terrible shock. After all, you expected it to last forever. But it's ok to be on your own. You can cope. You're stronger than you think! Make sure you are strong emotionally as you head for your second marriage.
7. What You Look for
What matters to you in life? What are your goals? Do you want children? Ask yourself what is important to you, and make sure that your husband-to-be either wants the same as you, or is ready to support you in achieving your aims. And never rush into marriage because you are afraid that time is running out for you to start a family.
Before remarrying, you really do need to be confident - not only in yourself, but confident that the marriage will work. Nobody wants a second marriage to fail like the first one! If you've taken what you needed to learn from your first marriage, then your second marriage has a good foundation.
The statistics suggest that second marriages are more likely to fail than first ones. Going through a divorce leaves you wondering if you'll ever dare risk a second wedding. But many second marriages do happily work out, so don't be disheartened. Learn some important lessons and give your second marriage a solid foundation. Have you any sound advice for readers contemplating a second marriage?