Would you believe that in these liberated times, women are having less sex than women in the 1950s? And it’s quite scary because it’s getting worse according to a study by the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture. The research showed that 20% (one in five) of married people in America have not had sex in the last month, 12% in the last three months and 6% have not had sex in more than a year. On average, married Americans reported having sex 1.2 times per week - that’s about five times a month. Is this your story? Take a look at some of the reasons you are not having sex and then you can decide to take action about getting no action … or not …
1 Your Bed is Not in Play
Your bed should be a haven and essentially should be a sanctuary for you and your partner. Other than for having a conversation or some bedtime reading, your bed should be for sleeping in and for sex. Except, it’s a common story that third parties are invading beds. These third parties are PDAs, smartphones, laptops and even the television. Your hands should be exploring each other not swiping across touchscreens.
Solution: Kick the gadgets and ephemera into touch and make the bedroom into a no-tech zone. Reclaim bedtime as couple time.
2 Your Man’s Sex Drive is in Low Gear
Lack of sex could be down to your partner, not you. If your libido is fully stoked but your man is not even in the garage, sex just ain’t gonna’ happen. There could be plenty of reasons so do not just assume it’s because he doesn’t find you attractive any more or that he’s getting it elsewhere.
Solution: Talk about it. Have a discussion – not a confrontation. Remember that men do not like their virility to be questioned in any way so you really have to be grown up in this conversation to move forward.
3 Blame It on Drugs
A number of prescribed medications can have side effects that impact your sex drive. And shock horror – that includes your birth control pill. Ironic huh? It’s because the estrogen in your oral contraceptive increases sex-hormone binding globulin which traps testosterone, sapping your sex drive. If your OC is compatible with your body, you might look toward antidepressants and drugs for blood pressure control and anxiety and meds for acid reflux as causing the knock to your libido.
Solution: Talk to your doctor about any medications’ side effects. Consider a switch from oral contraceptive to a non-hormonal method – IUD, condoms, diaphragm etc.
4 Your Body is Holding You Back
If you are uncomfortable with your body, it can be a cause of your sexual dry spell. But don’t fall prey to the media’s indoctrination of what it takes for a woman to be beautiful. Your lover, partner, husband fell in love with YOU, and your body is only part of you as the complete package.
Solution: If it is something you can change, change it. For example, if you’re overweight, it’s amazing how losing a few pounds can make you feel sexier. And ask yourself truly, does your partner care about the imperfections that you’re so hung up about?
5 You Love Rabbit a Little Too Much
You’re not alone if you don’t orgasm with your lover but can with your vibrator. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sex toys but if you have come to rely on your vibrating bunny to deliver sexual gratification and you’re choosing him over your partner, that’s trouble. Especially if you have lost interest in human sex.
Solution: Reconnect with and have sex with your partner! Incorporate your vibrator in your routine. Even better, spice up your routine. Try new positions, introduce other toys – and don’ forget to ask your lover what he wants too.
6 You’re Too Busy
Don’t laugh. This is a genuine sex buster. You’re crazy busy and when it comes to bedtime, your head hits the pillow and you’re out for the night. You’re physically exhausted and mentally fatigued. In response to this stress, your hormones take advantage and throw your sexual response cycle into a wobbly.
Solution: Spontaneous sex is obviously out the window so you need to make an appointment with your body. Find time for an early night. Pamper yourself. Make I feel like a special occasion. Have a soothing bath, dress in pretty lingerie, spray your favorite perfume, unplug all the technology and get into a sexy clinch.
7 There’s a Reason
Your body might simply be letting you down. There could be a physical condition underlying your lack of passion. You might have hit the perimenopause (the pre menopause period when your body’s sexual processes begin to change and your hormones run riot). You might have an endocrine condition, a thyroid disease, anemia, diabetes or fibromyalgia. All of these can play havoc with your hormones and your sex drive. It could be that you find sex painful or uncomfortable.
Solution: You need a diagnosis. Talk to your doctor. Sometimes sex drive will improve when your other condition is treated and your body gets back in synch. If you are battling a chronic condition, you may need to explore other ways to get intimate and achieve sexual pleasure if intercourse is off the menu.
A regular sex life is good for your health. It can satisfy all sorts of emotional and physical intimacy needs and help partners stay close. And remember – sex is a two way street. You have to connect with your partner emotionally over issues that are affecting you sexually to be able to move forward into a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
It’s good to know there are ways you can regain your sex drive and experience intimacy but it’s up to you to make the changes. Are you ready to do so?
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