This week has been host to some of the weirdest crushes yet – yep, really. Do you ever check out the crushes part of your newspaper? Around here, there’s a section you can write into if you are looking for someone. You know, that amazing guy you had a chat with on the bus, but didn’t ask for his number, or the hot waiter who you always make eye contact with? You could totally ask for their details. Except most of the time, things are a little creepier than romantic. Check these weirdest crushes out…if they don’t make you laugh, I’ll eat my hat.
1. Mr Hopeful...
“Does anyone know the recently qualified dietitian from Kendal who is on a backpacking holiday in Eastern Europe? I saw her in Warsaw but she didn’t give me her name.”
2. Mr Confident...
“I just want to say a big, genuine, heartfelt and sincere THANK YOU, on behalf of all mankind, to all the gorgeous ladies who dress so finely in this weather. Sunshine, confidence and daring. You make daily life so much sweeter. And distracting. Thank you. Happy Man x.”
Anyone else suddenly feel like covering themselves in a full-length blanket? Or maybe a onesie?
3. Miss Chase?
“You were in a white commercial car on the M25 heading west on Easter Sunday, you chased me for about 40 miles, now it’s my turn to chase you!” – Dark haired girl in the silver Tigra
Errr….any chance he was just driving behind you? There isn’t much choice up a motorway… And on the subject of car flirting, does anyone else remember that bizarre car dating website that used to exist? You could type in a car registration number, and try to arrange a date with its driver. I always wondered what would happen if you borrowed your Dad’s car or something…
4. Mr Ironic...
‘"To the blonde hipster chick on the overground from Camden Road. I thought this would be an ironic way to tell you I like your border collie or whatever." – Hipster guy
I think you probably missed your chance. Going over to talk to her would probably have improved your chances of success by a million. Right?
5. Mr Picker...
"To the girl with blond hair and a brown jacket. As I picked my nose on the Northern line you looked at me like you admired my self confidence. Fancy a drink?" – Cute guy with nose bleed
I don’t think picking your nose on the tube will get you many admiring glances. If said blonde girl did look at you, she was probably hoping that she didn’t run out of space. Huddling up with strangers on the tube is bad enough without knowing that one of them has been picking their nose! Stranger snot…gross.
6. Mr … Erm?
"To the Romanian I met last week, you have infected my mind, body and soul. I am the tall black male whom you’d kindly remember met at the start of the week. Your presence has not departed my mind, etched in my memory. Maybe when the stars align again we’ll meet again…
I thought this was a scam. Then I thought perhaps it really was a romantic (but slightly crazy) guy believing that he’d met the one. Then I read his username, and dissolved into a fit of giggles. Maybe someone should tell him that it’s not a romantic name – or that newspapers don’t need usernames?
7. Miss Confident...
"To the sexy fella who gets on the EL No.2 everyday, I look out for you, and your cute bum, but you don’t realise because I’m very sneaky. I’ll show a bit of thigh on Friday x." – The lady sometimes in pink
Okay, I can’t decide whether it would be worse to have a guy picking his nose on the tube with you, or two people trying to flash each other “discreetly.” You can just guarantee that everyone else on the carriage has seen far more than they wanted.
8. Miss Taking-All-Her-Chances...
“Please could you put these in the rush hour crush… Thanks.
7: 11am train Oldfield Park, A tall dark handsome guy gets on. Sits on the front carriage, I’m already on the train and too shy to say hi x
7: 08am train Bath Spa. So early, but boys, you look cute in your suits… and across the platform on the 7.06am too!"
Telling one guy he looks hot in the morning – brave. Telling three guys that they look hot in the morning – braver. Telling all three in the same advert – making the most of any opportunity?!
9. My Name is...
To all ladies. My name is R***y and I’m an independent male escort. If you are alone and you want to spend some time with, please contact me. My phone number is 0777******. Hope to hear you soon."
C’mon now. That’s just desperate. It’s not even a “weirdest crush” – it’s just odd. Us ladies are a LOT classier than that, thanks very much.
10. Mr. Crazy...
"There are some crazy computer people out there. Don't fall for those weirdos. If you like tacos and watching cartoons, then ring me up ladies. PS- If you need convincing of how amazing I am, I met Obama twice and I have a big screen Blu-Ray TV."
Oh, wow, what a winner, right? This seriously has to be the craziest ad I've ever seen with the most random information included. Blu-Ray or not, I think I'll pass!
11. Mr. Cheapo...
"Hi ladies, I'm looking for love in a major way. This personal ad cost me $300 to run. Needless to say, our first date will be Dutch if you don't mind. Thanks."
Geez, first of all, I think it's his own fault that he paid that much for a personal ad when you could have subscribed to an e-dating service for cheaper. Secondly, why in the world would I want to date someone so cheap and willing to print it in public, plus pay to advertise that he's cheap? I'll pass please!
"Hi Men. I'm a Christian woman seeking Christian man who is down to earth and can deal with someone with a mental illness. I hear voices, but can keep them under control. Thanks."
Well, there you have it! At least she's honest, right?
13. Mr. Secret Stalker...
"Dear Head Chef at the restaurant across the street from Apartment A9 on 23rd West Avenue. My name is Kenneth and I've been watching you the last year of my life. I come in every Wednesday and order eggs with a cup of coffee, no cream, double sugar. I always give you a $10 tip because I think you're beautiful and I'd like to have kids with you. If you're reading this, come visit me in booth number 2 of the restaurant tomorrow at 12 p.m."
I think I might just quit my job if I read this, what about you girls?
14. Mrs. Fashion Sense...
"My name is Rose and I've got the best fashion sense of anyone you'll ever meet. I'm seeking a gay man to hang out with who can teach me how to dress even better so I can catch a man, or woman, or whatever. Oh, and if you have any tips for teaching me to dress to impress men and women, that's a bonus."
Oh wow, I don't even know what to say about this one, but I sure hope she at least gets some good fashion advice out of this ad!(even though she says she has the best fashion sense...ever!)
15. Mr. Jackson Fan...
"I'm all about Michael Jackson and all about meeting a woman who is too. If you're a thriller and can show me how to keep going and we won't stop til we get enough, then respond to this ad."
Any man out there that obsessed with Michael Jackson is definitely not someone on my radar, what about you?
It appears that people in my city might have the weirdest crushes ever – or at least the weirdest messages for each other. Although I’m now definitely going to look out for them in the mornings…Have you seen any hilarious crush messages? I’d love to see them!