All Women's Talk

7 Reasons to Stop Dreaming about Your Ex ...

By Alison

Do you ever find yourself dreaming about your ex? It's not surprising that we often think fondly of an ex-partner and wish that we were still together. After all, we did love them once. But it's rarely productive to spend time thinking about an ex. Here are some of the reasons you should stop dreaming about your ex …

1 Rose-Tinted

One reason to stop dreaming about your ex is that you may be seeing them through rose-tinted glasses. When we're no longer in close contact with someone, we can forget all the things that irritated us and instead, remember only the things we loved. Put aside the nostalgic glow. Your ex wasn't the perfect partner and taking them back wouldn't magically solve any problems.

2 It's over

It's often hard to come to terms with a relationship ending. We're rarely relieved that it's over, so we have to wait for the feelings of anger, regret or sadness to subside. But it is over, so it's necessary to come to terms with that cold, hard fact. Wishing that we could get them back is pointless.

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3 New Partner

If you're still dreaming about your ex even if you have a new partner, stop. It's not respectful to your current partner and means that you are not giving them your full commitment. You are also wasting your time if your ex has moved on and has a new partner. Accept that they have chosen to be with someone else and not with you. Dreaming about them won't get them back.

4 Can't Make Them What You Want

When we dream about an ex, we're often seeing them as we want them to be, not how they actually are. It's a nostalgic dream, but it's just not realistic. You can't shape someone to be what you want. Nobody's perfect, and your ex certainly wasn't, so let go of wishful thinking and move on.

5 Ended for a Reason

Your relationship with your ex is over. In the midst of feelings of regret and pain, which can last some time, it's easy to forget that there are reasons why it ended. Most likely, those reasons still exist. If your ex cheated, then trust issues will remain. If you fell out of love with them, but are thinking of them because you miss the intimacy, getting back with them wouldn't mean you'd fall in love again.

6 Holds You Back

Thinking about an ex too much makes it hard to move on and may stop you from finding a new relationship. You may be seeing a version of the relationship that never really existed, and are therefore preventing yourself from moving on. Frankly, it's better to move forward and remind yourself that it's over with your ex.

7 False Hope

By dreaming about an ex, we often give ourselves false hope that we might be able to get back together some day. But the fact is that in due course we realise that it was not the right path for us, and that our feelings have passed. We wouldn't want to give our ex false hope, so why do it to ourselves?

It's natural to spend time post-breakup thinking about an ex, since feelings don't die straight away. It's not going to lead anywhere, however, so don't let it become obsessive. In time you'll probably wonder why you ever cared about them! Have you ever got back with an ex, and how did it turn out?

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