So, it turns out there are a lot of misconceptions about the first year of marriage. Pop culture paints a prettier picture, so for once reality TV tells a truth -- an unintentional truth, maybe, but a truth nonetheless. Shows like "Married at First Sight," "Arranged," and "90 Day Fiance" have a certain, shall we say, trashiness about them, but within their provocative, overblown dramas, you can spy some of the real ones newlyweds go through. Don't worry if they seem familiar. You won't always want to smother your partner while she or he is sleeping.
You're married! Finally! You're wife and wife or husband and husband or wife and husband – you're in love and so happy and so together and it's WONDERFUL!
Doesn't matter if you've been together 10 months or 10 years when you tie the knot. You know this will be the perfect marriage. You will be the perfect spouse, you will have the perfect spouse, and together you will be the perfect couple.
You had problems communicating before? No problem. Your wife doesn't help with the housework enough? No problem. Your husband forgets everything you tell him. No problem! Married!
So, the honeymoon isn't quite as perfect as all the romance books and movies make it out to be. There are great days and awful days, but you begin to think maybe this is a bad sign.
You brag about your honeymoon all. The. Time. You tell everyone and everyone asks you, so you tell the same stories so many times, it begins to seem like everything was perfect after all.
Still, the disparity between your real honeymoon and the one you tell stories about bothers you. Does a subpar honeymoon mean you don't have the perfect marriage? Did you make a mistake? Are you already one of those couples who put on a false facade for the rest of the world?
It does. It absolutely does. You don't understand it. Your spouse doesn't understand it. Your family and friends don't understand it. This is especially true if you marry a long-term partner and it's also true if you marry someone you lived with beforehand. They keep asking and you keep saying yes and their response is always the same: “But you've been together so long! Nothing's changed!”
Is it because you can't walk out the door so easily now? Because there are legalities and name changes involved? Is it because of a piece of paper? What is it?
Each time you get to say, “This is my wife/husband,” you feel a little giddy inside. The newness hasn't worn off yet in that regard.
It's awful. Even if it's small and insignificant, it's still awful. If it's huge, loud, and intense, it's even more awful. It's awful because it's not perfect, so it's at this point you start to realize that the rings don't necessarily change anything.
Maybe it happens within the first few months of the first year, maybe it's in the middle, or it might be at the end. It doesn't matter. You'll view it with dread no matter what, sure that it means the marriage is failing. It's probably not, but you're sensitive to it all the same.
Hopefully not unless they ask for it, but still. Your honesty will depend on many things, such as your mood at the time, the closeness of the person asking, and how much you've had to drink. But in giving advice to others, you'll probably reveal some home truths to yourself as well.
Possibly during your first fight, possibly during your tenth, possibly during a period of strain and silence and stress but no real acrimony. It will feel terrible, anyway, and you'll eventually realize it isn't worth the drama behind the gesture.
It might come up to add a dramatic flair to a fight and it might come up because it needs to, but it will likely come up. It doesn't mean you're destined to get one and it's entirely probable that you'll realize at once that it's simply not the right choice, just something you've said in the heat of the moment that you wish you'd swallowed down.
What I mean is, you might poop in front of each other, even if it only happens once entirely by accident.
This is different from other fights, but it happens to practically every couple, whether you're used to combining your finances or if you've just merged your funds for the first time.
It's probably boring, but the first time you're away from it, you'll remember how much you love it.
All the time, at every function, even if you've outlined your preferred family plan a million times.
It is terrible and wonderful and memorable. It is immediately legendary, even if the legend of it exists solely between the two of you.
All the time, always. You will love them and be annoyed by them and love them again. Just remember, your spouse feels the same way about your parents.
You stop thinking you made a mistake. You know you married the right person. You realize that problems don't magically disappear, but you married your spouse knowing about any issues because you're committed to working on them as a couple. Phew.
Seriously. Some days you just want to smother her/him with a pillow. Don't do that, by the way. Not only is it cold-blooded murder, but that feeling will pass.
At some point, you hit your one year mark and whatever happened at your wedding, during the honeymoon, and throughout the year gets put into perspective. Plus, ideally, you get more cake!
Where are my fellow newlyweds? Did you see any familiar feels? Need to borrow a pillow?
Please rate this article