Getting married is a big deal, that is why it is important to follow this list of 20 things to discuss before marriage. Covering these topics will ensure that you and your future husband have an understanding of what each of you want for the future. This list covers everything from children to money to who’s doing the dishes Friday night.
Table of contents:
- where are you living?
- past relationships
- showing love
- quality time
- how to fight
It is natural to think about children as you are planning a wedding. Marriage means starting a family, even if “Family” for you doesn't include having kids. Before you get married you need to discuss if you will have children, how many kids you want, will you adopt, and when you will start growing your family if you are having children. Don’t go into your marriage thinking that you can change each other’s mind. It’s not fair to expect a man to father children he doesn’t want or to deny him children. If this is the case you would both be happier with someone else.
Life cost money. There is no denying that, which is why money is one thing to discuss before marriage. It’s important that both of you have an understanding on how to handle money. You also need to decide if you will keep separate bank accounts or join together. You should also discuss who is going to pay the bills and how much money you will save each month?
Have you met his family yet? Do you like them? Now is the time to figure out how you will handle your families and where you will lay boundaries. It’s insane to enter a marriage and think that his parents or your parents aren’t going to try to interfere at some point.
Does he know what your future goals are? Do you know his? If you are career minded and plan to put all you have into work for the next 5 years so you can get a certain promotion or make a certain amount of money he needs to know this. You also need to know how his goals of quitting his current job to become a wedding singer are going to affect your life.
5 Where Are You Living?
What’s the plan after you get married? Maybe you already live together and that takes out some of need to discuss before marriage, but you may still want to know how long do you plan to stay in your current home or if you need to start saving up to buy a house in the near future.
Do you know where your future husband wants to vacation? This maybe something that won’t happen right away, but it’s still fun to dream about fabulous vacations you can take together.
Believe it or not but religion is a very important thing to discuss before marriage. Chances are if you guys come from different religious backgrounds the topic has come up more than once. Figure out before you get married how you will celebrate religious holidays and handle any religious differences.
8 Past Relationships
Here is one thing to discuss before marriage that might make you a little uncomfortable. Unfortunately it needs to be done. It’s better to put it all out there beforehand instead of it coming to light after the big day.
Secrets are another thing to let go of. If you think there might be a nude picture of you floating around out there from an ex-boyfriend or a job you held that you aren’t so proud of, tell him. It’s always best to come clean than to live worrying about it slipping out. How horrible would it be for your husband to find out at a party with all his friends that you use to dress as a clown at little kids’ birthday parties?
You would think that taking a vow to love one another unconditionally would sum up each other ideas on faithfulness, but that isn’t always the case. Some people really do believe that if you are different area codes it’s okay to mess around. Know for sure you are on the same page when it comes to faithfulness before taking the walk down the aisle.
Everyone has their own set of values. While most values don’t differ too much one thing to discuss before marriage is what values are most important to each of you. Then you can decide what values you will share as a family.
12 Showing Love
We all receive love differently. Some people feel more loved when you give them a compliment or constantly reassure them of your love. Others see love as action. Find out what things you can do for each other to show you love one another.
Didn’t think chores were a thing to discuss before marriage? Trust me it’s a talk you absolutely want to have. You need to be clear on what your expectations are on keeping the house clean. Decide who is responsible for what chores now, so everyone knows who is at fault when the trash hasn’t been taken out and the toilet is filthy.
It’s not enough to just discuss your finances. You also need to work out a budget together. This budget should cover all your bills, create a plan to pay off any debt, and save for the future. A good budget will clearly state how much money is left over each month to spend on personal items.
15 Quality Time
Another thing to consider discussing before marriage is how you will spend quality time together. Don’t forget to plan date nights and special ways to appreciate each other.
If you have decided to have children you also need to discuss how you will parent. There are many different parenting styles. Some parents are stricter while other parents let things slide. There isn’t a right or wrong it’s just an important thing to know before marriage.
17 How to Fight
Do you know how to fight fair? Discuss before marriage how you can approach problems without getting ugly. Also figure out what topics are hot buttons that should be avoided in order to fight fair.
How will you forgive each other after an argument? Do you know what acts he considers unforgivable or may make it extremely hard for him to forgive you wholeheartedly? Find out these sort of things now.
Can you trust each other? Are there certain things that he doesn’t trust you with right now? How can you get that trust back? Discuss before marriage any trust issues you have with each other.
Jealousy can be a huge downfall in any relationship. If you are a jealous person let him know that. Tell him the things that make you jealous and how he can avoid those things are help you get through them.
As you can see there are many things to discuss before marriage. Don’t let these topics scary you off about getting married. It’s just important that you and your future husband have a full understand of one another. What are some other important things to discuss before marriage?
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