No predominately-female website would be complete without at least one list of things we wish men knew. Being “the girl that hangs with the guys”, I've heard some rather interesting conversations. Between musings about childhood action figures and video-game strategy tips, I've learned that one thing they want the most is to know what we're thinking. Apparently understanding quantum physics is less confusing than the thoughts of, to quote Grey's Anatomy, “us with the boobs”. Well, guys, here's your chance. I'm going to let you in on some of the things we wish men knew. I don't presume to speak for all womankind, but this is what I've observed over the years.
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1. Shut up and Listen
This is at the top of every “things we wish men knew” list I've ever read. While we appreciate your desire to solve our problems, that's not always what we need. Sometimes we just need to talk things out and feel like we've been heard. When we do, try not to drift off into space or mentally draw things on our faces the way you did when you got lectures from your mom. Just listen, respond and get through it.
2. Notice Us
We don't expect you to fawn over our new haircut the way our girlfriends would, but noticing small things and complimenting us goes a long way. I've known couples who still laugh and admire each other after over fifty years together. Think about it.
Frequently asked questions
3. Pay Attention
If we ask you to do something or otherwise speak to you, respond with something other than a grunt and a nod. I understand ignoring nagging, but this sort of thing is part of what makes some women want to nag. When you consistently ignore what I say or pay more attention to your computer than you do to me, I feel like I don't matter.
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Engagement is key. It might not always seem important, but when a woman shares something, it's because she values your opinion, or at least your acknowledgment. A simple, “I hear you,” or, “Tell me more about that,” can make a world of difference. Active listening involves more than just hearing; it's about being present and participating in the conversation. Trust me, it shows you care, and it will be appreciated tenfold. Just a few minutes of real conversation can strengthen a relationship significantly.
4. Hygiene, Hygiene, Hygiene
Believe it or not, some people still haven't figured out that showers and deodorant are their friends. Think of it this way - when we like how you look and smell, we'll want to be close. When we want to be close, we might...well, you get the idea. That alone should motivate you to shave.
5. Let Us Hold the Remote Control Once in a While
At least once, stop flipping the channels when we're watching a program together. Ditto the radio. Watching one commercial won't kill you. I promise.
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Sharing control is a simple gesture but speaks volumes; it's a subtle acknowledgment of our preferences and interests. We get it, ad breaks seem like perfect moments to see what else is on, but consider this—those few minutes are actually a great time for quick catch-ups or light-hearted banter. Plus, consistency is key in enjoying a show’s narrative. So, next time, let’s strike a balance, maybe set aside the remote after finding something we both can get into. Compromise is, after all, a two-player game.
6. Turning down Sex is Nothing Personal
Some of you have told me that you feel rejected as a person when your partner refuses sex. I've been in the same situation (initiating sex but getting nowhere), so I know how it feels. One thing we should both try to remember, though, is that it's the sex that's being rejected, not us. Contrary to popular belief, most women don't use sex as a weapon. If we do, trust me, you'll know.
7. Just Because We like Something Doesn't Mean We Want It All the Time
As you've probably noticed, we're not as straightforward as you are when it comes to things we like. A lot of our preferences - joking around, touching, playing with bra straps etc - are affected by time and place. We might be in the middle of something, trying to be serious or just plain “not in the mood”. We're not being inconsistent, it's just not the right time. I know it gets confusing, but just bear with us. Half the time, we don't understand it either.
8. Put Us First
We want to know that we're your priority, not your mom or your friends. We're not saying you have to abandon other people, but being in “second place” gets old really quickly.
9. A Helpful Man is a Hot Man
Please help us around the house/with the kids/with errands. Don't leave your dirty dishes around for us to clean or ignore a dirty diaper. You have the same number of hands and feet we do. If you think that's "women's work", go find a woman who agrees with you.
10. Just Be Honest
Many of us would rather be broken up with than cheated on. If there's something you're not getting at home or you want to be with someone else, just break it off. Don't go behind our backs, because we always find out. Always.
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Honesty lays the groundwork for trust and respect in a relationship. If feelings change, or if the connection is unsalvageable, have the courage to communicate. Remember, clarity is kindness. Sure, conversations about ending things can be tough, but they're a necessary step towards mutual respect. A clean break allows both partners to heal and move on with their lives without the painful baggage of betrayal. So, own up to your feelings—it's the decent thing to do. Plus, it helps preserve the fond memories rather than staining them with the bitter taint of deceit.
11. Chivalry Isn't Dead
Maybe this is the "Southerner" in me, but old-fashioned deference is still appreciated. I don't care what they say -even the most liberated of us like to have a door opened for us once in a while. We may not expect it, but it's still a nice gesture.
12. Toilet Humor Isn't Funny Anymore
That is, assuming we liked it to begin with. Most women I know don't want to hear about your bowel movements any more than you want to hear about our “women problems”. We might lighten up about it, but we're never going to be impressed by what you did in the bathroom. Sorry.
13. Take It Slow when It Comes to Sex
Don't just jump right in. You might not need it but, for us, foreplay is key. Also, the "three-date rule" thing isn't really a "thing". Seriously. Good things really do come to those who wait, at least until we both feel it's right.
14. Don't Stop Trying
This goes for both genders, but don't stop being romantic just because you've “got her”. Buy her something sexy. Spend private time together. Open doors. Offer to cook dinner. Hell, even changing a diaper or pushing a vacuum can make you look sexy. Trust me, the effort will prove fruitful.
15. Leave the Locker Room Talk in the Locker Room
We don't want to know who else you'd like to sleep with or what you think of other women's body parts. I had a boyfriend who would do this all the time and tell me to “lighten up” if I didn't like it. This is extremely disrespectful. Also, don't talk about our sexual “attributes” to your friends. This isn't about us being prudish so much as you being a gentleman and treating us the way you'd want someone to treat your sister. We're someone's sister too. Or mother. Or something.
I know this list seems long, but it mostly boils down to two things-love and respect. Be good to us and we'll be good to you. Everyone makes mistakes, but preserving a good relationship is well worth the effort.
Ladies, is there anything you'd add to my list? Guys, what do you think?
Comments
Salz: AMEN!
Xiomar : All of it is so true. One thing I would add is that we have the right to be mad when they do something hurtful, for him to apologize does not means I will immediately be over it...I need time to heal and during that time I might not be the friendliest person..is an internal process, at least in my case.
littlebit: seriously we dont live in an era anymore that is anything remotely close to how things were when we were young.so many now are raised to be materialistic.it used to be when people would concern themselves there was a reality to it now a days you could spend a whole day listening to a grown man cry because he wants what every man in the world has money ah fast cars and oh ya motor cycles.what happened to the days when were happy haveing what we had.those were the days
Jasme01: Please, even though I am an LGBTQ+ woman (womxn) I am not of a low intelligence to men.I am a Creative Writing/English Literature major. I also work as a computer builder and configure them using Linux OS. Don’t speak to me as if I am 5 years old.
willow: As a male most of this is spot on, biggest thing to remember ladies don't use hints. Use your words as much as you think we will pick those hints up we won't. And then have no idea why you are angry. Number 13. foreplay goes both ways and remember don't work up a guy for too long or sex could be very short and also with this if you are comfortable with your sexual partner tell him what you like and you will get a lot more enjoyment than if you just go with it. If you have a good male friend that you can talk open with that is a little awkward around women. Give him a heads up on what to. Before he looks stupid and a good piece of advice to tell him. Work on her mindset during foreplay or it might as well be a waste of time
CyranoSCW: Exactly, Ximoar...I wouldn't expect him to get over it right away so why should he do so for me? :) Willow, I have a question...what if you're not very experienced and don't know what you like? I mean, I know if something my husband's doing feels good or not, but I don't know how to give instructions in other areas. Or, I don;t know how to give suggestions without hurting his feelings. Is that something you've dealt with? How could a woman tell you what she wants (or what would feel better that what you're doing now) in a way that wouldn't upset you?
Jasme01: Please, Even though I am LGBTQ+ I don’t wish to here anymore mansplaining to any of us women(womxn). I am a Creative Writing/English Literature major. I also have employment as a c
Maya: It read my mind... Amen to all of this!
Niamh: Don't lie, why lie, no matter how small, it's still a lie.
Salz: @Lynaah ,
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