It can take a seriously long time to get over a bad relationship. Let’s face it, if life was like the movies, we’d spend the night in baggy clothes, eating ice-cream and crying, and then feel refreshed and rejuvenated enough to meet someone new the very next day. In reality, healing just isn’t that fast. But how do you help yourself to heal as quickly as possible so you can get over a bad relationship?
Most people don’t like to wallow, and some completely refuse to cry. In order to healthily get over a bad relationship, some crying is essential. It releases tension, stress and emotion, and helps you to process the break-up and heal. Soon enough, you’ll find that you don’t need or want to cry anymore – and you’ll know you’ve turned a corner. Stock up on soft tissues and cry it out when you need to.
Getting through the days can be tough after a break-up, and you might feel that all the days and nights are merging into one long hard stretch. Don’t look into the future just yet. Instead, focus on now. What do you need to do today? What would you like to do? Accept your limitations, and don’t overwhelm yourself, but set yourself a target to have a shower, file some paperwork, watch a comedy, make lunch. You’ll feel much better for it.
Okay, so it hurts like hell right now, and you are probably agreeing with every tormented love song you can find, and sobbing uncontrollably whenever you remember the good times. It can be very easy to lose your positivity and become bitter and isolated, especially when you are wounded. Hey, having no contact with anyone means they can’t hurt you, right? But islands don’t last long on their own. They sink. Don’t let yourself become an island, and limit any withdrawals. Even minimal contact with friends through email or voicemail is good progress.
Spend some time looking at inspirational quotes and extracts. There is one rule – no heart broken lines from love songs, and nothing negative or tormented. Look for positive quotes and pin them around your house, in places when you’ll see them frequently – on the fridge, next to the bed, anywhere. One of my favorites? “Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb you.”
You probably won’t feel like fighting your way back out onto the dance floor and finding yourself another man – and rebound relationships tend to just cause more harm anyway. But human interaction is important, and we tend to build these things into big events that feel far too tough to actually do. The solution? Get out there. You don’t need to set a hard challenge. Say hi to your postman. Spend half an hour in a local coffee shop, on your own. Meet a friend. Go to the library. Anything that gets you back among people, even if you don’t want to communicate with them yet, will help.
Set yourself a date in the next fortnight to go and do something new. Sound scary? Of course. Will you want to? Almost certainly not. But it’ll do you the world of good. It’ll get your body working, your hormones flowing, refresh your emotions and give you something else to think about. Go bungee jumping, volunteer somewhere, yacht race, take a photography class. Anything. Break a new personal record and start forging a new you. While you won’t want to have gone out, you’ll be oh-so glad you did.
You will probably find that your head is so full of information and memories about him that everything else is falling out – and that can really set back progress. Remind yourself what you have that isn’t him. Cover your laptop, diary, kitchen, bed, anywhere in things that you love, things that you have to live for and people that love you. Wear your favorite clothes and your best jewelry and eat the meals you love. Remember who you are – all of you.
It probably feels tough now, and I’d bet my life savings that you can’t see a way to feel better. But if you are kind to yourself and you push yourself to follow the steps above, you absolutely can get over a bad relationship. Got a great tip, or just want to share how you feel? Leave a comment.