To listen to the head or heart, that is the question. Some people fall in love instantly while others are more cautious. But what is the driving decision maker when it comes to love: the head or heart? Find out which to pay closest attention to.
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1. Do You Love Him or the Idea of Him?
To find out if your head or heart is in love with him, ask yourself: Do you love him or the idea of him? Sure it takes time to truly fall in love with a person but reflect on your intentions about the relationship. If you feel that you are in love with the idea of being with him because he’s Mr. Popular or puts on a tough guy act while he’s around you, you may only be loving him with the image your head is showing you.
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Reflect on your feelings and interactions with him. Consider whether your affection grows in moments of vulnerability and genuine connection, rather than during grand gestures or public displays. If your pulse quickens when he's his authentic self, rather than the persona he projects, it might be your heart speaking. Love that comes from the heart is patient, and it thrives on the intimate details and quiet moments you share, not just the broad strokes of who you wish he would be.
2. Does His Personality Drive You Crazy or Giddy?
When couples first start dating, both show off their best side and put their best foot forward. It definitely takes time to reveal true colors but if you’ve been noticing some red flags about his personality, you may love him with your head. If your heart loved him you would not be feeling angry or confused about his actions. For example: maybe you love guys with a sense of humor so your mind has painted the picture of this charming guy who has a sense of humor. If you realize while dating that things he says actually offend you, you’re letting your mind’s love for him win.
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It's essential to distinguish between loving the idea of someone and actually loving the person they are. As time passes, you might find yourself justifying his behavior, thinking you can change him or that it's just a phase. But remember, when you love with your heart, those quirks won't leave you questioning your feelings; they'll only deepen your affection. Your connection should radiate warmth and joy, not constant doubts or irritation. So if his personality traits are more of a turn-off than a source of butterflies, you might need to reassess the nature of your love.
Frequently asked questions
3. Do You Appreciate Him for Who He is?
Being in love means loving someone wholeheartedly for who they are no matter what. If you maybe fell in love with someone who used to be all that you were looking for and now changed, you no longer love him with your heart – your mind is holding on to memories and passion that the relationship used to have. Therefore be careful in analyzing which is the driving decision maker. If you’re trying to change him from country boy to city boy, you’re not in love with him in your heart.
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It's essential to embrace and cherish the genuine nature of your partner. If you find yourself critiquing or wanting to mold him into something he's not, it's a clear sign that your feelings are more cerebral than heartfelt. True love doesn't seek to sculpt or significantly alter the essence of the loved one. Instead, it finds beauty and perfection in their true form, flaws and all. Love should be unconditional, celebrating the quirks and idiosyncrasies that make him uniquely himself.
4. Do You Feel the Chemistry?
If a guy seems to do and say all the right things but you don’t feel the spark with him, then you definitely love him only with your head. To connect with someone on a deeper level, passion and sparks is a must-feel. I think that often times women feel they can change a man or make him a better person and being in a relationship becomes more like a motherly chore rather than a loving journey with someone. Distinguish how you FEEL when you’re with him and you’ll have your answer.
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Love is a complex emotion that can be difficult to navigate. It's important to distinguish if you are in love with somebody because of your head or your heart. The article “7 Ways to Distinguish if You Love Him with Your Head or Heart” provides some helpful advice on how to tell the difference.
One way to determine if you are in love with someone with your head or your heart is to pay attention to how you feel when you are with them. If there is a spark of passion, then it’s likely your heart is involved. If you don’t feel a spark, then it may be a sign that you are in love with them from your head.
Another way to tell if you are in love with someone with your head or your heart is to think about your motivations for being with them. If you are with them because you think you can change them or make them a better person, then it’s likely you are in love with them from your head. If you are with them because you genuinely care for them and want to share a loving journey with them, then it’s likely your heart is involved.
5. Does He Only Sound Perfect on Paper?
Maybe you’ve had a list of 10 qualities you’re looking for in a guy. Let’s say you meet someone who matches all of those ten things and you tell yourself, “He’s the one”. If he only looks good on paper but you don’t feel like you’re connecting with him while you’re spending time in person, then you love him only with your head. Your heart would know, otherwise, if it were falling with him because your gut would tell you “keep pushing on, he’s a keeper”. Don’t ever let a man talk you into being with him.
6. Do You Only Think of Being Physical with Him?
Think about your crush. What is the first image of him that popped into your head? If all you fantasize about is being physical with him, then you may only be lusting for him and allowing your head to trick you into thinking that you want to be in a relationship with him. If your heart loves him, thinking of him should be magical and special as if you’re walking through life with your best friend whom you can trust, open up to, and want to share things with. Being in a relationship shouldn’t only be focused on being physical.
7. Are You Only with Him Because You Crave Love?
It’s crucial for you to open up and be honest with yourself. Are you only in a relationship because you are craving love and attention or are you in a relationship because you’re in a good place in your life right now and want to share experiences with someone else? If you are with someone right now and you can’t see yourself with him long-term or you can’t help but thrive off his compliments, you may only love with your head.
Personally, I believe that both the head and the heart should be in sync in loving someone. My favorite quote says, “Follow your heart but take your brain with you”. I’ve been in relationships where my head was in love with the guy but not my heart, whereas other relationships my heart was in love with the guy but not my head. Pay attention to the strongest feelings and go with your gut – you will know, deep down you will know if you should stay with him or not…don’t fight the feeling, even if it means letting him go. Do you love him with your head or heart?
Comments
Queenz: This is so true
Madi: Wow ladies I have just been through the same thing and feeling better but heart broken too. :(
Angelia: @Op12 yes like i felt so strong for him before and now that he puppies me around everywhere and he never would say anything to hurt me the feelings are slowly going away. Maybe its bc i love joking around and i love to be mildly sarcastic and he always takes it to heart. Maybe its because he is more emotional and I'm more of the 'lets just have fun' type of person. I am always the one to get nervous around someone and seriously, i would always get so nervous around him it was crazy. He was the most i had ever felt for a boy. And now im not sure if i dont feel anything towards him bc of him as a person, or of me just not being able to feel. I really hope i can have strong feeling for him again. This was suppose to be my award winning novel moment, but i feel as if I'm ruining it by not having feelings. Thank you for your response, means so much c:
Suburbia: How I love this! Just parted from the kindest man I've ever met because only my head was in love. It was hard but my heart knows I have done the right thing. Thanks for your article :-)
kennedy: i have had a crush on this guy for over a year now. When i like someone, i really like them. I try not to like people at all costs. Ive been trying to get over him for so long, like it was all just 'false hope'. It was as if having feelings for him was a burden instead of being overjoyed. I always thought we would never happen. I helped him buy flowers for another girl. I gave him advice on her. I would get butterflies even just thinking about him. f someone said his name, i would blush to myself. When i would talk to him, my voice would get shaky. He would make or break my day. Recently we started talking, like dating. we are not anything official. He has liked me for the longest time, he says. He says that he just thought it was 'false hope' and that he would never have me. That he felt this way since before anyone but always tried to push it back. Ive wanted this for so long. Ive wanted someone to look at me with feelings and be sarcastic with me without being serious. But he takes my sarcasm seriously and he always tells me how he is nervous he is. The mystery and butterflies have almost diminished. Everyone says how great he is for me, how we look so great together. Ive wanted him more than anything for as long as i can remember. Not just physically, but in everything. I liked the way he cares about people, how he's confident, how he's a total nerd in school, a geek in video games and comics. And he's a total dork. There is absolutely no inch of venom in him. He is nice, maybe too nice. He takes everything to heart in my sarcasm, but i didn't mean it that way. But just last week, i would blush even just seeing his name on my phone. I hate myself for not going die hard for this, bc i should. I know i should. He's so emotional and sharing while i hold everything back. He is an innocent lamb and I'm a lion that craves love. This is all I've wanted for a long time. why am i not as happy as i should be ? What should i do ? please help me i keep crying about this bc for so long I've been wishing my feelings for him would go away and now all i want is to have them back.
Shauna: Make you think better just going through a break up and this sort of makes you think did I really love him thank you
Rhonda: It's my heart that messes me up... My brain and gut usually know what's up!
Angelia: i have had a crush on this guy for over a year now. When i like someone, i really like them. I try not to like people at all costs. Ive been trying to get over him for so long, like it was all just 'false hope'. It was as if having feelings for him was a burden instead of being overjoyed. I always thought we would never happen. I helped him buy flowers for another girl. I gave him advice on her. I would get butterflies even just thinking about him. f someone said his name, i would blush to myself. When i would talk to him, my voice would get shaky. He would make or break my day. Recently we started talking, like dating. we are not anything official. He has liked me for the longest time, he says. He says that he just thought it was 'false hope' and that he would never have me. That he felt this way since before anyone but always tried to push it back. Ive wanted this for so long. Ive wanted someone to look at me with feelings and be sarcastic with me without being serious. But he takes my sarcasm seriously and he always tells me how he is nervous he is. The mystery and butterflies have almost diminished. Everyone says how great he is for me, how we look so great together. Ive wanted him more than anything for as long as i can remember. Not just physically, but in everything. I liked the way he cares about people, how he's confident, how he's a total nerd in school, a geek in video games and comics. And he's a total dork. There is absolutely no inch of venom in him. He is nice, maybe too nice. He takes everything to heart in my sarcasm, but i didn't mean it that way. But just last week, i would blush even just seeing his name on my phone. I hate myself for not going die hard for this, bc i should. I know i should. He's so emotional and sharing while i hold everything back. He is an innocent lamb and I'm a lion that craves love. This is all I've wanted for a long time. why am i not as happy as i should be ? What should i do ? please help me i keep crying about this bc for so long I've been wishing my feelings for him would go away and now all i want is to have them back.
Love: This just so true
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