Believe it or not, after a messy breakup there are plenty of ways to get closure. Many times throughout my life I have searched and searched for some way to feel normal again, and even just feel okay knowing that the meaningful relationship I was just in is completely over. It’s hard to expect this from your now ex, and you can’t really force it out of them if they want nothing to do with you. But at the end of the day, every relationship is different, and every person is different. So if you’re eagerly searching and needing some closure after a breakup, here are the ways to get closure.
1. Form a Friendship
Some people don’t believe me when I say this, but if the last 3 years of your love life only surrounded one person, and now all that is coming to a bitter end, one consideration is to stay friends. If you think about it I’m sure there are numerous people that you know who have managed to stay friends after breaking up and it’s probably one of the best ways to get closure. If you can’t think of any, here’s one couple I can think of: Elaine Benes and Jerry Seinfeld on Seinfeld remained best friends after breaking up. And although you can argue that Seinfeld is a fictional sitcom, the creators admitted to mirroring most episodes on their own life experiences. So there you have it, stay friends after breaking up and at least some closure may be achieved considering you will now have to work on building a healthy friendship instead of a toxic relationship.
2. Give It Time
There have been many times following a breakup where I have initially reacted very unreasonably, causing me to eliminate all possible ways to get closure. In hindsight, I wish I was able to step back and give myself and my ex time. In the heat of the moment no one ever says the right thing and once something is said you can’t really take it back. So amongst the ways to get closure is to literally consider giving the whole thing some time to breathe. Whether you see it now or not, after some time has passed you may be able to be at peace and find closure.
3. Give It Space
I listed “give it space” among the ways to get closure because despite popular belief, it is completely different and equally as important as giving it time. Giving it space means staying away from things involving your ex. Maybe even consider taking a vacation or going away with you friends. Now more than ever it is important to go about living your own life and doing things for your friends, family, and most importantly yourself. Don’t go shopping at the supermarket where he works or shops and don’t go to places where you know you will see his friends, family, and maybe even him. If you are from the same neighborhood this might be hard, but the key is not to live your life in sorrow and despair everywhere you go. This will allow you to finally breathe on your own and maybe even see that there are many ways to get closure.
4. Write a Letter but Don’t Send It
This might sound like one of the weird or crazy ways to get closure but it can actually be very therapeutic. Basically, you sit down by yourself without any distractions and write a letter to you ex. It’s important to get all your feelings out on paper and maybe even pretend that you’re going to send it when you finish writing. An unsent letter allows you to reach internal closure regardless of whether or not you ever receive external closure. In life, we cannot control the actions of others, we can only control how we respond, react, and overall how we behave. So if you’re looking to your ex to provide you with some sort of magical answer about your breakup, you may be looking forever. Finding closure after a breakup is about being at peace with yourself, your failed relationship, and your future. So don’t hold back in your letter and think positively about your future- it’s not the end of the world even though it feels like it right now.
Depending on the reasons for your breakup, forgiveness may not be applicable. But when exercising all the ways to get closure, most will agree that a majority of breakups require forgiveness. Forgiving is easier for some people and harder for others, and unfortunately pride gets in the way of saying sorry and similarly accepting an apology. But forgiveness doesn’t always have to include an apology. Forgiveness is about letting go of all the pent up anger and moving on to the better things in life. Some things are easier to forgive than others, but overall forgiveness surrounding a breakup only needs to involve one thing: forgiveness that it’s over. And, more importantly, acceptance that things can never be the way they used to be. That’s what you really need to consider when it comes to brainstorming all the ways to get closure.
6. Get Back Together
If you think about it, this is technically one of the ways to get closure! Everyone’s situation is different and there are many people who take time apart from each other and end up getting back together. It all depends on the people in the relationship and sometimes, if you are truly in love with someone, you don’t realize it until you have had your time apart. Then getting back together seems like a feasible option.
7. Let It Go
This is one of the hardest ways to get closure but it’s probably the most effective. Letting go of the past is something everyone struggles with at some point in their life. Try to focus on all the good things that lie ahead for you and accept that the past is the past. Crying it out is completely acceptable and dating again is even better. But most importantly, letting a breakup eat you up inside for days on end does not bring anything back together and does not help anyone. So take some deep breaths, put one foot in front of the other, and let it go.
Everyone suffers from a messy breakup at some point in their life and I’m sure we can all agree that they are never easy. Can you think of any ways to get closure after a breakup that I missed? Have you ever quickly gotten closure after a breakup? Do you think getting closure after a breakup is even possible? Share your thoughts and feelings!