Breakups are the worst, aren't they? There you are, living your best life, when suddenly you're thrust into this emotional rollercoaster with more downs than ups. And let's face it, breakups without closure? It’s like you’ve just climbed a mountain only to find there's no view at the top, just more uphill. But hey, it’s 2024, and there’s no reason for you to spiral into the abyss of unanswered texts and recycled memories. Let’s navigate this rocky path together with some action-packed strategies.
I’ve been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, and wrote a blog about it. Dealing with a breakup without even a smidgen of closure can feel like trying to understand quantum physics after drinking three cups of coffee—your head spins, nothing makes sense, and you just want to lie down. Am I right?
When it comes to moving on, it’s essential to find ways to fill the gap left behind, like re-watching that comfort show (you know, the one you've seen a million times) or trying out new hobbies. Speaking from experience, rediscovering hobbies can be a phenomenal way to shift your focus from what could've been to what can be. Trust me, I knitted nine scarves and built a birdhouse after my last pseudo-relationship imploded.
Now, let’s talk about self-care, a primary keyword that's more than just a trendy hashtag. It’s a lifeline. If meditation isn't your thing, try journaling. There’s something oddly therapeutic about pouring your heart out to a blank page. In our upcoming sections like "Prioritize Self-care", we’re diving deep into how little rituals can help mend that heart of yours.
Furthermore, detangling yourself from a past relationship without proper closure is messy. That’s why leaning on support systems—friends, family, your dog, or the nice barista who remembers your name—is crucial. Even when you feel like you just can’t talk about it anymore, they’re there to listen, which we’ll explore further in "Lean on Your Support System".
2024 is all about finding out what makes you tick and throwing yourself into it. Whether it’s yoga, taking a solo trip, or even just spending more time outdoors, finding purpose and distraction is key. We'll delve into creative distraction techniques and more in "Find a Creative Outlet".
So, strap in, grab some comfort snacks, and prepare to learn some seriously useful strategies to help you move on from that breakup without looking back. After all, we’re in this together, trying to navigate through this emotional quagmire with as much grace—and humor—as we can muster.
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1. Acceptance
Accept the fact that your ex will not give you the closure you need. My ex decided to pull a David Copperfield act and disappear on me with without a call, email, text, or telegram, so this was the hardest thing for me come to terms with. You need to stop looking, searching, and yearning for it and come to terms that the closure you want from him will not come.
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Embrace the power within yourself to heal and move forward. Closure is an internal process that does not require your ex's participation. By accepting that waiting for an explanation or an apology isn't necessary for your growth, you empower yourself to close the chapter on your own terms. It's an act of self-love and respect to choose inner peace over lingering in a state of uncertainty. Trust that with time, self-reflection, and a positive outlook, you will find the closure that you deserve from within.
2. Turn Your Love into Hate
At first my girlfriends thought this was a rather harsh piece of advice, but love eventually leads to hate and the best way to get over the runaway man is by hating him.
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It may sound counterintuitive, but channeling negative emotions can be cathartic. Start by acknowledging the hurt and betrayal you feel. Reflect on the aspects of the relationship that were unhealthy or unfair to you. As you allow yourself to recognize these painful truths, your affection might organically shift to resentment. Embrace this phase as a temporary step in your healing process, but don't let it consume you. Use this newfound distaste as the fuel you need to detach your emotions from your ex and propel forward in your own journey of self-discovery and growth.
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3. Embrace Your Inner Sailor
Sailor’s mouth is not something a lady should indulge in during her everyday life, but there comes an occasion when a woman should tap into it. That occasion is a breakup. A breakup without closure even more. Call him every name in the book, in as many languages as you speak. He’s not there to see how unladylike you look, so let him have it! It’ll give you a sense of empowerment.
4. The Right to Be Bitter
Most women advise you not to be bitter, but I say they’re wrong. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE BITTER. As long as this is temporary and lasts up to the period when you've finally been able to flush him out of your system, be as bitter about the breakup, the memories attached to it, and the man himself without any guilt.
5. Clean House
Get everything that reminds you of him out of your house, and I mean EVERYTHING. The ticket stubs for the movies you guys went to, the pen he lent you, and any receipts you saved from special outings–THROW ALL OF THAT AWAY. He deserves no place in your heart, mind, or closet.
6. Big Girls do Cry
Cry as much as you need to. Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you shouldn't «waste tears on him» because you need to relieve all that frustration and the best way to do that is by allowing yourself to feel all of the emotions attached to a breakup without closure. I cried for weeks. Some days were better than others, but even today I have an occasional cry here and there. With every tear, you’ll realize that you get a little bit stronger. So grab a box of tissues and let it rain.
7. Download, Download, Download
Run out and grab an iTunes card and download as many songs about moving on from a bad relationship. Hearing songs about moving on as opposed to songs about heartbreak and getting him back will allow your mind to accept the fact that it’s done and that you need to start moving forward and stop looking back.
8. Girl Time
I can’t begin to stress how important it is to spend time with those special ladies in your life who make you feel whole again. I don’t know what I would have done without my girlfriends. Girlfriends will be there for you to offer all kinds of support, a shoulder, an ear, a stiff drink. Let them be there for you–you need them now more than ever.
9. The Cons List
Make a cons list of all the things you hated about him. The things he did that annoyed you, disgusted you, things he said that hurt you. For example, my ex never supported my dreams, love for writing, or my opinions. I hate that he always made it a point to comment on how thin I am, never called me, or told me I was beautiful. I remember these things constantly and it helps me realize exactly what I don’t want in a forever man. Making a cons list alone helps you focus on all the things you don’t want in a man you intend to spend the rest of your life with and get over him.
10. Your Closure
There is going to come a point, the very one I’m currently at as I write this, where you realize that the only closure that’s going to come is from Me, Myself and I. YOU are the only one that can give yourself closure. When my ex decided to run away without so much as a goodbye, I spent everyday trying to figure out how I could get the closure from him that I needed. I had so many questions unanswered, words left unsaid, and feelings unfulfilled. But I’ve realized that his silence says volumes. The only one that can pick up the pieces of YOU is yourself.
Moving on is not meant to be easy, but after you have made it through these steps, however long that may take–you will begin to find little pieces of yourself prior to ever having men, or the man that jilted you, coming back. There will be moments of perpetual loneliness and others of bliss, but one thing that’s certain to me and what I will remind you is that you deserve to be with a real man, not a counterfeit one that believes he can walk out of a woman’s life without so much as a goodbye. In the meantime ladies–find a man who will treat you like a queen, make you smile, call you because he wants to, and–if worse and he should realize that your relationship won’t work–a man who will have the kahunas to give you the closure you need to move forward.
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I love love love this article & the women supporting each other no break up is easy but no matter who you are you are beautiful and worthy of love and happiness don't let anyone take it away!
Not enough words to say how much I love this article. So so so true. Thank you Faiza.
Can guys really change if they finally maybe see that the way they are treating their significant other is wrong?
Awesome read, I needed this. Thank you!
Comments
bethahneeee:I love love love this article & the women supporting each other no break up is easy but no matter who you are you are beautiful and worthy of love and happiness don't let anyone take it away!
Laila:Not enough words to say how much I love this article. So so so true. Thank you Faiza.
KarrieAnn:Can guys really change if they finally maybe see that the way they are treating their significant other is wrong?
Feedback Junction
Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge