Do you ever wonder how to navigate the day to day if you're married to your opposite? Sometimes it can be hard and quite challenging when you butt heads with your lovable spouse on a daily basis because both of you couldn't be more opposite. They say opposites attract and I'm finding this absolutely true for more and more couples! What inspired me to write this article actually is the fact that my husband and I couldn't be more different. So, if you're like me and are married to your opposite, or perhaps you're dating someone with a much different personality than you, then keep reading! Hopefully these tips will help.
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1. Realize You Complement Each Other
A good thought to always keep in mind if you're married to your opposite is that you and your spouse complement each other. Where one is weak, the other is strong. I was once told of the image of two hands interlacing- that's how a marriage should look, each person fills in the gaps of the other, making the perfect complement.
2. Marrying Yourself is Just Boring
While you may be initially attracted to someone just like you, no one honesty wants to marry someone who's a mirror image of themselves. It's difficult to grow as individuals and as a couple if you're not able to challenge each other within you own differences, weaknesses and strengths. And let's face it, marrying someone just like you is boring! It's more fun to have the surprise and excitement of a different personality to complement you.
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3. Find Ways to Help Each Other Grow
The good thing about being so different from your husband is that each of you can help the other grow in your weak areas. For example, my husband values time and being dependable, which means he's always on time or even early to places. Time is important to him. I value relationships and going deeper with conversation. Relationships are important to me. Because of that, I tend to be late when things come up- a phone call, a chatty barista, my son playing with Legos, etc. The area I can grow in is modeling my husband's value of time and he can grow in prioritizing relationships. Know your strengths and weaknesses individually so you can grow together as a couple.
4. Be Self-Sacrificing at Times
Compromise is the core of a healthy relationship. If you're too focused on your own needs, your relationship won't thrive. There are times where you just have to bite the bullet and show interest in what your husband is interested in. It will mean the world to him, just as much as it would if he were to do the same for you. Be generous in your affections and selfless in your actions.
5. You're Strong when He's Weak and Vice Versa
A couple who has very different personality traits has an advantage because when one is strong in an area, the other tends to be weak and is able to be carried along by the stronger one. The reason this is an advantage is because when two people come together with varying strengths and weaknesses, the two parts make one perfect whole, thus completing each other.
6. Be Sensitive to Each Other's Needs
It's so true that we tend to be sensitive to our own needs because those are the ones we understand the most. For example, if you need to have a clean and organized space and your spouse doesn't, deep cleaning the house for your spouse, while the gesture is kind, isn't going to do much in the way of taking care of his needs. But if he values down time with the family and his favorite home cooked meal, then do that! It's all about knowing the other person's needs and what makes them tick.
7. Be Sincere and Apologize after Arguments
Since no one is perfect and everyone can be rather selfish at times, arguments do happen. In fact, they are a product of a healthy relationship if they are handled in the proper manner and resolved quickly. So, when disagreements do arise, be humble about it and apologize if you were in the wrong. Even if you weren't, it's good to be the bigger person and just let your spouse know that you're sorry things escalated the way they did. Remember, it does take two to argue!
In reality, I think most of us are better off being with someone who is different than us in lots of ways so that the relationship is balanced, fun and interesting. I would also recommend that you don't differ too much on huge things, like religious beliefs, parenting styles and even politics. A little difference here and there is totally fine, but big differences about how you view the world can sometimes be explosive and not healthy! Are you one of those lucky ladies who married or is dating her opposite? Any added advice to share?
Comments
Zeebs: I couldn't have loved this article any more. Well said about everything!
Keziah: I appreciate that this article is directed towards what we as women can do, in a healthy way, to APPRECIATE our men. Thanks!
Jade: i'm not married (yet!) but my boyfriend of 5 years has been majorly hinting that he wants to marry me after college. we are opposites. I talk A LOT and he just a listener. he is self contained and i wear my emotions on my sleeve. i'm the negative person in the relationship, and he's the positive one always seeing the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. I get angry really fast, and he just doesn't. he's more independent, and i'm constantly asking for help and needing someone there with me. sometimes we fight (mainly me picking fights with him…) because he's not talking as much as i want him to or just being too much of an opposite. but then, i can't see myself with anyone other then him. we compliment each other. he says he likes my spontaneity, and i like the fact that he is more grounded and stable because sometimes i need that. however, i see how my parents are– they are opposites. and my mom is lonely almost all the time and they argue and sometimes don't talk for a while. I don't want that type of relationship, but then i don't want to marry someone just like me (honestly, i'd have more arguments with someone just like me then with someone opposite!)
Kanchan: My husband and I are complete opposite or may be too much alike in anger, we both annoy each other. We share a very love hate kinda relationship. So idk hw will get this to work?
Lola: I completely disagree that marrying somebody a lot like yourself is boring. I know many couples who divorced because they were opposite and always fighting. Whatever works for you might not work for somebody else. My husband and I are different only in a few areas of our lives. I am the quiet, stay at home and read a book etc type of person. I don't mind going out here and there but for the most part, I like it quiet. My husband loves to go out, drink, be around huge crowds and loud music and it drives me insane. I couldn't possible be with somebody that is too different then me. You can challenge yourself even if you are alike.
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