How to Cope when "it's Not You It's Me" is the Truth ...


It’s one of the most vilified phrases used as the reason for a breakup. To hear “it’s not you, it’s me” sounds like the ultimate cop out. Does it really mean “I don’t know why I need to break up with you, I just know I want/need to” or “the reasons to breakup will hurt you more than the breakup”? Maybe it’s something you’ll never understand. However, there are times when the person saying “it’s not you, it’s me” is actually right. Here are the signs that you are the “problem” in your dating life/relationships:

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Your Friends Don’t Sympathize

It might be time to tell your other half “it’s not you, it’s me” if the complaints you are making to your friends are not getting the empathetic or sympathetic reaction that you might have imagined. If your friends are failing to see the relationship problems from your point of view, then it might not actually be going wrong because of your partner, but simply because of the fact that you are no longer committed and are subliminally looking for a way out of the relationship.


You’ve Fallen Too Fast

Nothing spells disaster for a relationship like one of you falling much faster in love than the other. If you find yourself really in love with this guy and he isn’t giving much back to you, then you need to sit down and consider whether carrying on with the relationship is going to be the best choice for you. Do not stay with him if you know you are just going to postpone. Rip the band-aid off first and move on.


Your Break Ups Always Follow the Same Pattern

If, for example, the three or four big break ups you have gone through have all been for the same reason, then you might need to come to terms with the fact that fault might lay at your feet. It is highly unlikely that four different partners will all have had the same issues that lead to a break up, so what is much more likely is that your faults are the constant in the equation. Think back and try to pick up a pattern of your behavior that might lay the blame with you.


You Make Consistently Bad Choices

Some people cannot help but be attracted to romantic partners who they know will not be good for them in the long run, and though it is extremely easy to blame the characteristics and personalities of these people, remember that it was you who allowed them to be part of your life! Pinpoint what it is that attracts you to these non-starters and try to rectify it for future romance.


You Can’t Compromise

Compromise is the key word when it comes to a successful relationship, and if you are a stubborn kind of person who needs to have every single thing your own way, then you may run in to some trouble along the dating road. Work on opening yourself up to compromise and you may find yourself having to say “it’s not you, it’s me” far less often.


You Never Get Offered Blind Dates

Another sign that you might not be as apt in the dating game as you think you are is the fact that your friends never try to set you on blind dates. It could be an indicator that don’t think you gel well with men or that you just need to improve your dating game overall. Either way, there must be something to it!


You’ve Ignored past Criticisms

At some point, you are going to have to open your ears to any criticism that might come your way with regards to dating. It might be one of the easiest problems to solve, but sticking your head in the sand and trying to go on with your usual dating routine just isn’t going to cut. Don’t be scared to take advice, it might be helpful in the long run!

It’s difficult to admit that the reason you can’t keep is boyfriend is in fact, you. But it also opens up the opportunity to do something about it. Recognition and acceptance of it is the first step to changing your love life. Are you ready to take that step?

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