Remember that movie, “Crazy, Stupid, Love?”
Well, that sums up what love is. But, you're going to be ok after a breakup.
“Love Hurts” as Nazareth once said it (still do) in their 1975 smash hit. It does HURT. A little thing called love is one of the greatest and worst aspects of life to go through. We all have been there and done that. We each saw that guy or gal and felt this burning rage of desire to approach them and strike up a conversation or buy them a drink.
That is the truth in today’s world. Being a millennial myself, entering my official late-twenties this year my values and perspectives on life, in general, have changed. One of them is being vocal on what I want before starting any relationship with a guy. Two is not being afraid or feeling any sort of shame for wanting what I want.
But nowadays, at least talking with my close friends and family, it seems that it is still a so-called crime for being upfront on wants and desires.
Or in the words of two of my exes, being too vocal is intimidating and annoying. But it is not my fault that one of them wants to date younger women, so he can control them more…
Kidding. Well, sort of. Okay, maybe NOT. Whatever.
Yet, it is this thing to laugh about at times that makes me realize that we ALL struggle with wants and desires. And this is me even sticking up for those two exes of mine who, at the end, appeared to not know what they wanted with me…
And I do not blame them because I have been there or in the past have gone through that. Yet, it still hurts, regardless if you ask the other person directly or not on where they see this relationship going and all.
So, yeah that is my two-cents. The other is coming to terms when something is now ‘what once was.’ Breakups are forever endless and painful, but I truly believe that we all learn from each relationship no matter what the case may be. We are never wrong for how we feel or even react when it comes to pain, anger, and love. See - you're going to be ok after a breakup.
When a relationship of mine came to an end shortly before the holidays, I felt so confused before the sadness and even slight depression kicked in. It was a different kind of adult-relationship breakup. I suppose a lot had to do with this fella and I—once—being close friends before it turned romantic and then ended in a mess.
You know, those kinds of messes where being around each other or even texting is just filling the air with toxicity. It takes two to tango—this is not some sort of message to put the blame on him. It is more of a mission statement of some sort that I have no regrets about the way I felt and still do about love and even about him. No, I am not in love with him but there is still love for him as a friend; the kind where you remember how the two of you got close in the first place.
Knowing that it is officially over has been sinking in, especially with the month of love here aka Valentine’s Day, it is harder. And dammit those stupid ads on love and ways to spend the day and even night together with your significant other!
Insert the LOL and HAHA and sarcasm moments here.
In reality, it is more of the way it had all panned out to get to where, well, today. Not that I am unhappy or anything, but a part of me still reflects on if I would have said something this way instead of that way or done this instead of that.
There is no turning back time, as Cher wonders herself in that song.
The only thing to do is to keep going forward, focusing on myself and work as well as seeing more of my friends and family. Something that I had learned in the aftermath of a breakup is to stop worrying about what others will say or think and to just do you, as lame as that sounds.
Trust me, it is easier said than done. And this is from dating guys younger, older, and the same age as me. It is tough no matter what.
Whatever happens, happens; a motto that I have been doing my best to stick to because they say one-minute things are going great, and the next something happens and in this particular moment, it becomes a significant part of our life. It is going to suck. It is going to be PAINFUL. And it is going to be something that we will question ourselves and if we are capable of doing this on our own, without him or her.
I have cried day-and-night and have also been guilty of the social media creepin’. Usually, I will not unfollow or even block; but with the last guy, I chose to do so when I saw I guess ‘evidence’ that he had moved on. It was the real moment to accept that it was over, especially when that picture goes up of another girl with an updated bio.
Come on, we are ALL GUILTY of checking to see what they have changed. Ugh, it is the worst. Especially to admit that writing this piece makes me miss the good times with him before, during, and after it got romantic. For a while, I would usually be too embarrassed to admit that since most of my friends and family have advised me to a.) “Block his ass,” b.) “You can do better,” and then my favorite by one fellow partygoer at my cousin’s New Year’s Eve kickback, c.) “FUCK THAT FUCKBOY!”
At the end, it will be for the best because whether they are out of our lives for eternity, with no chance of them coming back, we need to just let it be.
And I am still learning day-by-day.