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If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you feel the other is holding back, it may be a clear sign he is a commitment-phobe. The problem is the person is very nice in all ways, and your relationship may in fact be pretty good.
It’s just that something is off and you can’t quite put your finger on it. Here are some signs that you may be dating a commitment-phobe:
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You’ve been together a while and you feel it would be awesome to go away together some place nice, even if just for a few days. You mention it one day and get no response. You put it down to tiredness, so you decide to try again. This time you do a ton of internet research, Googling places that you think your partner would absolutely love. You get quotes for accommodation, and even check out the flights. Over a delicious dinner, preceded by great sex naturally, you share what you’ve learned. You show your beloved all the research in full expectation of enthusiasm on his part. What you’re met with is a lukewarm response, which leaves you baffled. Until you understand your partner is afraid to make holiday plans because he has a commitment problem!
He’s talked about Joanna and Julie and Mary, so you know he’s had at least three relationships. When you figure out how long they each lasted, you see they were each at least two years. And then they all suddenly fizzled out, with no explanation from his side. What does this tell you, you begin to ask yourself? The answer is as clear as daylight: he’s great boyfriend material, but he can’t get past the two-year mark. You think to yourself you could be the ONE, but if the other signs of his inability to commit are there, and what you want is commitment, you need to take a realistic look at the situation. You may well be dating a commitment-phobe and it may be time for you to get out.
You feel the time has come to introduce your lover to your family. They have been curious about him, because so far, you have never brought him to meet them although they know he exists and you’ve been raving about him since you met him. Every time you’ve made a date with your parents to meet up, he is busy or suddenly has an emergency that prevents him from getting together. When this happens, know that you have a problem. However lovely he may be, if he doesn’t want to get to know your family, you can be sure that a long-term commitment to the relationship is not on his agenda.
You’re not living together but you spend a lot of time at his place. So much so, that you would like to have a drawer and space in the cupboard to put a few of your own things. If he resolutely refuses to allow you your own space, even for a toothbrush, well, hello! He’s sending a clear signal that this is not a permanent arrangement and that he values his space more than he does your relationship.
Sometimes you can tell you’re with a commitment-phobe by the remarks he makes about other couples. He may say things like: “He’s under her thumb. I would never let that happen” or “Monogamy is so boring and unnatural.” That’s a big hint that he does not take a long-term view of your relationship.
If any of these signs ring a bell, it may well be that you are dating someone who has trouble settling down. And if what you’re envisaging is the white picket fence, it may be time to move on.
