Guys view things from a much different perspective than we do. Therefore, your boyfriend may interpret things you do as controlling, even if you don’t intend them that way at all. Knowing what the behaviors are that he finds controlling can help you to avoid a lot of fights in your relationship. If you feel unsure about any of these, ask him to get his input.
1 Asking Tons of Questions
Girls love details. We want to know all the details on a subject. Guys don’t feel or think this way; for them, getting the main info is enough. When you ask a guy tons of questions, he may feel bombarded or overwhelmed. Chances are, he may not even know the answers to some of the things you’re asking him. Try to ask him the most important questions and let some of the others go.
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Remember, it's not an interrogation, it's a conversation. Find a balance that allows for both of you to share and engage comfortably. If you sense he's getting tense, take a breath and reel back the questioning. Instead, listen to what he's saying and respond to that, and you might just find the details you're curious about will come out naturally in his own storytelling.
Frequently asked questions
2 Dissing His Friends
Guys feel a close bond to their friends. They aren’t as verbal or showy about it as girls are but they definitely have loyalty within their circles. If he doesn’t ask what you think of a friend, assume he doesn’t want to know. Criticizing them can make him defensive of them which isn’t good for your relationship. If you think about it, you don’t want him bashing your friends, either.
3 Making Plans without Checking with Him
Most guys like when their girlfriend takes the initiative to make plans. They appreciate that they don’t have to think of plans for the two of you to do. But they don’t like to be told what the plans are; they want to be asked for their thoughts. Most of the time they’ll go along with you but they want the opportunity to veto ideas. And on occasion, they’ll give their own ideas which can make for a nice for a change of pace.
4 Demanding Every Second of His Time
Guys actually understand this concept better than most girls do. Being together every second isn’t healthy for your relationship. They know you need space to do your own thing and be your own person. Even though you’re a couple, you still need your individuality. This keeps the mystery alive! It also helps make sure you always appreciate the times when you are together.
5 Being Demanding
Think about a time when you dealt with a demanding person. How did you feel? Maybe they were trying to get you to do something you didn’t want to do. You might have even wanted to do whatever it was but didn’t appreciate it being demanded of you. That’s how your guy feels if he’s in that situation with you.
6 Pushing for More in Your Relationship
Girls, I promise you’ll find this to be true. If you relax and let your guy have the time he needs, he’ll move the relationship along if he’s truly interested in you. If you’re the one that’s captured his heart, he won’t let you go. He’ll pursue you and express his desire for a commitment. And it’s so much sweeter when you let him set the pace instead of pushing for more.
7 Chasing Him
Ladies, don’t do yourself a disservice here. Let him chase you instead of the other way around. Believe in yourself and your value! Most guys prefer things this to be this way. Unsure about that? Ask some of the guys in your life and see what their response is.
8 Isolating Him
When you begin to cut him off from friends and even family, that's when you've crossed the line. It's one thing to suggest a bad friend not be involved out of concern, but when you start isolating them by making yourself the only person they talk to or see, you've crossed a very serious line! You wouldn't like it if it happened to you so don't do it to him.
9 Threats and Guilt
The threats don't have to be ones of physical violence, but when you start saying, "I'm leaving if you don't do this." or "I guess you don't love me for doing that." You're using threats and guilt to get what you want. Saying you'll "take away" privileges such as sex or children or financial support is also a big no-no. You're threatening and guilting him into your behavior and your thinking and that's a form of controlling him.
10 Snooping on Him
Checking his texts while he's in the shower, going through his call log while he's sleeping, monitoring the bank account you two share-yes! All signs of snooping and all things that show you want full control and power. If you can't trust him and have to snoop y'all shouldn't be together. And if you have to violate those privacy boundaries, you have your own issues you need to sort out before he leaves.
These'er 10 behaviors your guy thinks are controlling. Were some of them a surprise to you? Which ones are you guilty of?
