How is it to be in a relationship with an older man? Ask me. I am married to one. Mr. Ruffolo is 29 years my senior. That means he was already building his career while my mother was checking in the delivery room to welcome my arrival. Some people may view him as a "cradle robber," while others think I'm a "gold digger." These monikers are the subjects of laughter in our home and trust me, we've been scrutinized, interrogated and battered with questions in public. Often times, the inquiries are directed to me and involve the demand for an answer to the question, "Why are you in a relationship with an older man?" Here are my answers.
Being in a relationship with an older man means that you now have a personal storyteller who keeps life more interesting. He tells you about the events that happened in his life, the lessons he learned and the people he met. Mr. Ruffolo worked in several Olympic games prior to ending up in China, where we our paths eventually crossed and we became Mr. and Mrs. Ruffolo. But while you think that he has wisdom and knowledge beyond what you can ever imagine, an older guy pauses and takes time to listen to what you have to say. He is a lifelong learner and won’t miss a word that the love of his life utters. Yes, that’s you.
And I mean to center this point on dining in restaurants. When dating an older guy, you don’t have to think about splitting the bill. Ladies, hide those calculators before you start dividing the total amount in two. An older guy is a complete gentleman, who exemplifies the line "chivalry isn't dead." Mr. Ruffolo would always tell me that an older guy appreciates life more as he moves forward in the age chart. That includes knowing that no woman should ever pay for a dinner date...he's old-school, in other words. And I like that.
What happens in the bedroom is the subject of another post but trust me, a relationship with an older man is about confidence. Insecurities are gone and in its place are everyday gestures of love and attraction. I got my first love letter on the 10th day he started courting me. I still get them now – ten pounds and two children later. An older guy cooks for you, takes you out for dinner, makes you feel like you are the queen of the world.
When you are in a relationship with an older man, be prepared to be placed on a pedestal. You will be told how wonderful you are, how the world revolves around you, how you make him so happy. He sends you random text messages. He will even deliver flowers to your office with a cute card saying, "Ready to pick you up at five." It’s an overflowing display of love and care. Piece of advice though: don’t become a spoiled wife or girlfriend! He won’t like it, and you won't either.
Your man has definitely gone through several relationships and if he is genuine person with a kind heart and brains to match, chances are he knows already why those past relationships failed. He knows what situations to avoid and warns you about it. The word "argument" is non-existent in his vocabulary. Instead, he uses the word "discussion." There is no "debate" but a "dialogue." Out of nowhere, he touches your arm or hugs you from the back and whispers, "I love you." Mr. Ruffolo often tells me that he believes in second chances because he found me.
When we were starting with our relationship, Mr. Ruffolo told me that his past relationship ended with huge credit card bills. He went on to discussing the importance of financial stability. That was very important to me. I am very conscious about my financial standing. I save, give and spend and I try hard to strike a balance among the three. Being in a relationship with an older guy gives you the platform to discuss financial matters thoroughly.Not to say a man your own age can't be responsible, but I've found older men tend to be a little more.
I can never imagine myself being with a man other than Mr. Ruffolo. I wake up every day feeling groggy from staying up all night taking care of our fraternal twins. But I wake up happy and at peace knowing that I am with a man who supports me. Case in point? When everything in the nursery gets crazy and I don’t have time to cook, Mr. Ruffolo – with his Italian roots coming in handy – prepares the best home cooked pasta with giant meatballs. What excuse do I have not to become a better person?
A relationship with an older guy comes with several negative reactions and hurtful comments from people. Be ready for their prejudices. Be prepared to be called names. But as long as you know in your heart that it’s love that you feel and not anything else, go ahead! You deserve it. Never mind those harsh judgments. They don’t know what stuff you are made of. Any thoughts about being in a relationship with an older guy?
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