8 Things to Consider before Getting Serious ...

Okay, so if he’s willing to pay his way, that’s a good sign. But there are plenty of other things you need to know before you get too serious. Any big debts, for example, and whether his credit history is sound. Do you want a joint bank account, or will they stay separate? What do you both think about credit cards – are they for emergencies only, or are luxuries okay? Plenty of relationships hit a stumbling block due to money, and it’s not an easy topic to talk about, but this is one of the most important things to consider before getting serious. You’ll be glad you did.

If one of you is dreaming about turning the study into a nursery while the other has no intention of having children, resentment will build. Children are a big issue – so make sure your relationship is going in the right direction. Try to be more specific than a yes/no answer, too – are you thinking kids in five years, or fifteen? How many? Feelings can change, but having some kind of agreed plan will ensure both people are happy with the way the relationship is heading.

Do your sexual appetites match? You might think it doesn’t matter too much, but it can be a big cause of issues if there is a big mismatch. A friend of mine recently admitted that her husband of three years will only have sex with her if they’ve both had a long shower first – and only if she’s dressed and made-up to the nines. If his (or your!) tastes don’t match, you probably won’t want to make the effort for your whole relationship. If you can’t reach a happy medium that suits you both, the relationship may be doomed.

Family members can be a big source of arguments, so it’s worth discussing them. Whether it’s difficult parents or irritating siblings, talk them over, and don’t assume that problems will ease up. A strategy for dealing with families will make you feel closer and prevent issues, whereas constant arguments will just upset you both.

It might seem small, but it’s worth noticing how clean your other half’s house is. If you have similar ideals, such as being very tidy or being relaxed about cleaning, you’ll probably be fine. If you love the house being clean and they are a slob, it’s likely to cause issues. Finding a middle ground can be simple, if both parties are willing, but it’s good to start working towards that early on.

What do you like to do after a long week? Go out into town? Meet friends? Long hot bath? Video games? Make sure you are both happy with each other’s habits. If you are both keeping busy, either together or apart, you’ll likely be fine. If you are waiting for him to share a glass of wine while he’s on the Xbox, you’ll probably be less happy. Either grab a controller and join in, or have this talk early.

How do you like to communicate? I don’t mean texts or emails…but when it really matters. If you like to talk things out and he goes silent, or you storm out when he wants to make a list, you might struggle to resolve conflicts. Agree with a communication plan that allows you both to feel comfortable.

Whatever you do, don’t plan a wedding until you’ve talked about it with them. It might seem obvious that they’d love to celebrate your relationship like that, but it can be a recipe for disaster if the proposal you are waiting for never comes. Talk about your intentions early. If you want a big day and they don’t, walk away and find someone who really will make your dreams come true.

While some of these might seem a bit serious, they really are all things to consider before getting serious. They’ll save you endless unhappiness and frustrations, and make sure you are both on the same page. And once you’ve got the serious bit out of the way, you leave plenty of time for fun! Got a tip on bringing these topics up? I’d love to hear it!