Romance is always in the air, especially around this time of year, but rather than falling in love with the idea of a relationship, understand that there are a few things to think about before entering a relationship. Ladies, it’s so easy to get caught up in all the rom-coms and fantasies about having a boyfriend in your life, but did you ever stop and ask yourself before entering a relationship whether or not you’re actually READY? Here are a few things to keep in mind.
One of the most important questions you should be asking yourself before entering a relationship is: am I trying to fill a void? Maybe you’ve just been burnt by a past relationship or maybe you haven’t been in a relationship for a while and you just want someone there for you. If either of these cases is true, you may be trying to fill a void in your heart and life. The truth is, though, I’ve seen too many close friends get into a relationship solely to fill a void in their lives and then ultimately get hurt all over again. I don’t want that happening to you.
Time is of the essence. This is a very important quote to live by. Understand that if you’re transitioning in your life it may not be the best time to get into a relationship because you won’t have time for yourself, nor will you have enough time to give to someone else. I’m a recent college graduate and have just recently started a new job – I have understood and realized that I need to dedicate time to get to know and better myself – by taking more time for me and my new job. There’s no way I can take time for a boyfriend right now.
Ladies, we possess motherly personalities and usually try to rescue others whom we deem are in need of help. If you are talking to a guy who has a badass personality or seems to cling to you for inspiration, just keep an objective perspective on the situation. You may be convincing yourself that one of the biggest reasons why you’re trying to get with this guy is because you feel like you can change him or be there for him, when you may just need to be there for yourself right now.
Our culture thrives on either saving or being saved by a superhero, because who wouldn’t want that, right? Well if, instead, you feel like you’d only want to start a relationship because you want someone to always be there for you and make you feel on top of the world, you may subconsciously settle for anyone because of falling in love with an idea. Don’t look for someone who you want to complete you – your partner should complement you.
It’s easier to get over someone by finding someone new. If you’re still hurting or thinking about an ex, it’s not wise to enter into a fresh relationship with a new guy – if you’re still broken, too many emotions and pieces of your heart are at stake. Take time to heal yourself first by letting go of the past. This can be an exciting new journey of self-love and pampering.
So you’re talking to this guy and he’s cute and funny and charming. Can you see yourself with him long term or short term? Make sure that you guard your heart and also keep others’ hearts in mind, too. If you just want a relationship because you don’t want to be alone during the holidays, you’re not ready. If you think he’s a great person and can only see him as a friend, you’re not ready. If you want a partner because all of your friends are in relationships, you’re not ready. Look inside your heart, trust your gut, and figure out WHY you would want to start something.
Being vulnerable with someone is tough; it’s necessary but uncomfortable. Are you willing to put yourself out there and be seen for who you are? If the answer is no, or if you’re on the fence, that means your subconscious mind is warning you that you’re not ready yet to open up to someone else. Take this time to hang out with friends, start on a new activity, and focus on your work or school. Appreciating and being open with yourself first is key… then start something with someone.
Ladies, the bottom line is to really think before entering a relationship. You may think you’re ready but find out you’re not. Do you think you’re ready?
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