It is difficult to learn how not to let your past relationships affect your present one. I know this because it is a lesson I had to learn firsthand. When I met my charming and handsome husband, I was a bitter, hurt and fearful woman. Thankfully, with his love and patience, I overcame that. Here are some lessons I learned on how not to let your past relationships affect your present one along the way.
1. Realize Not All Guys Are the Same
This was such a huge lesson for me at first. It seems silly to me now that I ever even entertained the thought that all men are the same. They aren’t and isn’t fair to make your current boyfriend or husband pay for the mistakes of those in your past. All women aren’t identical and neither are all men. This is lesson number one in how not to let your past relationships affect your present one.
2. Take Time to Heal
You know, it is best if you can take some time to heal before you get back out there in the dating game. It takes time for your heart to get over past hurts. I didn’t really take a lot of time to heal. I have no regrets but it meant a lot of understanding on my husband’s part in our early years. Unless fate hands you a gift like it did me, take at least a few months to a year to get over any serious relationship.
3. Forgive Those Who Hurt You
Forgiveness is so powerful. I don’t think that we truly realize how powerful it can be. When we harbor resentment against someone from a past relationship, we are actually being held prisoner by this feeling. Choosing to forgive is a gift that you give yourself. It gives you freedom to move on.
4. Look for a Different Kind of Person
Be intentional about finding someone different than the person who put scars on your heart. Finding someone different than the person who hurt you is emotionally healthier for you. It also helps you to move on because there are no reminders of the past. Think about what you are looking for in someone before you get back out there. It is better to take your time and find the right person than jump back in the dating game and make the same mistake twice.
5. Remember Everyone Has Been Hurt
Yes, you have been hurt. But more than likely, so have most of the people you may go on to date or marry. You don’t get too far in this life without gaining a few scars. You have a choice. You can hang on to those scars or realize that hurtful things happen to at least most of us and choose to move on.
6. Commit to Being Brave
Sometimes, one of the best things you can do to not let your past relationships affect your present one is just commit to being brave. It is much easier to be afraid and let fear hold you back. Be brave and dive back into the dating world. Don’t let the things that have happened in the past win. Be the winner by being brave.
7. Realize This is a Fresh Start
You know, every relationship is a fresh start. Look at it as if you are getting a clean slate. You don’t have anything against you and neither does the person you are entering into a relationship with. Stop dwelling on the past and allow the future to bring you new and exciting things. There are a lot of gifts to enjoy in moving on if we open our hearts to them.
It can be difficult to move past the hurts you have suffered in past relationships. How have you overcome this? I am interested in hearing your stories.