Learning how to emotionally detach yourself from an ex can be a major problem after a relationship ends. If the two of you were always hanging out together or frequently texting, its safe to say you were strongly emotionally attached to one another. Although frequent communication is seen as a good thing in a relationship, it can be almost unbearable when he stops initiating texts or responding to messages once the relationship is over. So ladies if you are struggling with this kind of issue, here are a few ways on how to emotionally detach yourself from an ex.
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1. Grieve for the Loss
One way how to emotionally detach yourself from an ex is to accept the emotions that come with the breakup. Just as your heart has to go through a grieving process when someone you love dies, it has to do the same when you lose a significant relationship. It’s normal to cycle through stages like shock, denial, anger, depression and bargaining. The bond you created with your ex took time to build so it will take time to cut those emotional ties as well.
2. Go No Contact
One of the most difficult things to do, yet is most helpful in your recovery, is to make a decision to stop all contact with your ex. This means no random texts, emails or phone calls for any reason. It can be helpful to tie a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you are tempted to call. Remember you will just feed his ego by trying to make contact with him... and make yourself feel worse in the process.
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No Contact is a powerful tool when it comes to emotionally detaching yourself from an ex. It can be difficult to implement, but it is essential in order to move on and heal. No Contact means no texts, emails, or phone calls for any reason. It is important to remember that contacting your ex will only make you feel worse in the long run.
When you feel tempted to reach out, it can be helpful to tie a rubber band around your wrist and snap it. This physical reminder can help you to stay focused on your goal of No Contact.
No Contact is not only about cutting off communication. It is also about avoiding places, events, and activities that your ex frequents or is likely to attend. This includes avoiding mutual friends and acquaintances, as well as avoiding places that you used to go together.
It is important to remember that No Contact is not a punishment. It is a way of protecting yourself and your emotional wellbeing. It is about setting boundaries and respecting yourself.
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3. Avoid Contact with His Friends
Like most couples, you probably share mutual friends in your social circle. Avoid anyone that might want to fill you in on any of his activities like who he is currently dating. If you are around mutual friends, you will most likely be tempted to ask about him. Avoid places that your ex hangs out to minimize the chances of running into him.
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When trying to emotionally detach yourself from an ex, it is important to avoid contact with their friends. This is especially true if the two of you have mutual friends in your social circle. Even if you are tempted to ask about your ex, it is important to resist the urge. It can be difficult to emotionally detach yourself if you are constantly reminded of them.
It is also important to avoid places that your ex frequents. This can include restaurants, bars, or other places that they may frequent. It is also important to avoid any activities that you used to enjoy doing together. This can include going to the movies, going for a walk, or any other activity that you used to do together.
Finally, it is important to take the time to focus on yourself. This can include taking up a new hobby, spending time with friends, or doing something that you enjoy. This can help to take your mind off of your ex and help you to emotionally detach yourself from them.
Overall, emotionally detaching yourself from an ex can be difficult, but it is possible. Taking the time to avoid contact with their friends, avoid places that your ex frequents, and focus on yourself can help to make the process easier.
4. Accept You Can’t Be Friends
Immediately after a breakup, it’s impossible to become friends no matter how hard you try. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that just because the breakup didn’t end on bad terms that you can be buddies. The truth is friendship can only occur once you have both moved on and no longer have romantic feelings towards each other. Trying to force a friendship before you are ready is a recipe for misery or even more heartbreak.
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Give yourselves the time and space to heal. While maintaining distance, recognize that healing is a personal process, and it's vital to go through every stage of it. Embrace the void that the absence brings but don't rush to fill it with a faux friendship. Honour your own journey by allowing emotions to settle. Once they do, it’s possible that a platonic relationship could flourish organically, without the messy complications of unresolved feelings. Until then, prioritize your well-being and invest in your growth, both emotionally and personally.
5. Remove Your Rose-Colored Glasses
Once a relationship ends, we have a tendency to idealize the best parts of the relationship and our ex. It’s so easy to forget how he has the maturity of a nine year old at four in the morning when you miss him like crazy. So for this exercise its important to create a list of all the things you hated about your ex or that made him a bad partner. Remind yourself of the bad times that made you want to call it quits before it officially ended and write that information down as well. Place the list in a prominent place where you are reminded often of his faults which is especially helpful when you feel the urge to crawl back to him.
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This process isn't about being unfair or overly harsh; it's about balance. Chances are, during the relationship, you overlooked many of these negative traits, giving more weight to the good moments. But now, honesty is your ally. As you write down the less-than-stellar qualities and experiences, you may feel a sense of relief, a release of pent-up frustrations. It's not an exercise in bitterness, but liberation. By confronting the reality, rather than the romanticized version of your past, you're paving a clearer path forward, without the emotional baggage of a rose-tinted past.
6. Avoid Things That Remind You of Your Ex
Get rid of anything in your place that reminds you of your ex. It’s a very painful but necessary step to delete any evidence of your relationship like old emails, text messages, cell phone pictures and voicemails. The more that you reminisce about the good times, the harder it is to create emotional distance from him. You are trying to cut the emotional ties to your ex so pretty much anything that can trigger an I-miss-the-relationship emotion has to be removed from your life.
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This may extend to experiences as well as physical items. Think about the places, activities, and even the music you shared with your ex. Consider taking a break from these things; find new places to visit, pick up a different hobby, or expand your playlist. It will be challenging, especially if these experiences feel deeply intertwined with your past relationship, but creating new memories without your ex is a key step towards emotional detachment. Your goal is to redefine your life and discover joys and passions that are uniquely yours, free from the shadow of a previous relationship.
7. Find a New Focus
A good way to move on from a failed relationship is to distract yourself with new activities. You could try volunteering at a soup kitchen, local hospital, retirement home or animal shelter. Or dedicate yourself to a hobby that you always wanted to try but never had the chance to. It’s hard and it will take time but slowly you will adjust to having a new life without your ex in it.
So ladies these are a few things that can help you grow and move on from a failed relationship. What other things do you suggest that can help sever the emotional ties to a past love?
Comments
angela: i have to remember these!!!
Alexandra: Most of these work for losing a friend as well. Whether you broke the connection or them, these can help you move on too.
Fatima: I would recommend going out and meeting new people. It helps a lot when you do, would make you realize he's not the last man on earth.. LOL
Shannon: what sucks for me is that i actually have class with my ex and he's even my group partner. it is actually really hard to watch him flirt with my best friend in front of me. but i think its okay, I'll get over it, this is just more reason to hate him right? i mean, dislike him :)
Kelli: My ex and i have 3 kids together. We have been apart for 3 years now but we are both way too emotionally attached to each other. Its great we can be friends for the kids but its unhealthy how close we are. I'm not over him and he has had a couple new relationships fail because of our friendship. We realize this so have tried getting back together numerous times but we just don't work as a couple anymore. So we are just stuck
Carissa: Love this! My focus is now getting in the best shape!
Estela: I've known my ex for 11 years and dated on and off until I finally realized that we don't have a future together because he doesn't wanna grow up after all these years, but the hardest part is knowing that he's already with someone new and it hasn't been a month yet but I still don't want his ass back.. Love is blind af
Alexandria: @Shannon Me too! We have the same class almost everyday and I can't help but wonder whether he still has feelings for me or not. Yeah, I hope I'll be able to detach myself from this. Thank you Shannon! :)
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