Being attracted to a married man can become a serious problem, give you a bad rep and, in the case your crush happens to be your boss or a colleague, even wreak havoc on your career. I might sound like an old, pious married lady but, trust me, karma is a b-word and relationships like these are actually fun for a very short time but could mess up your life in more ways than one. Feeling attracted to a married man isn’t the end of the world, of course, but that’s as far as I’d advise you to go. And in case you’re currently panicking and wondering what to do, here are some tips to help you rationalize your situation:
1. Don’t over-Dramatize the Situation
Attraction is a natural thing and, yes, it is quite possible to feel attracted to a married man, a famous man or pretty much any attractive man even if you yourself are married. It’s hardly the stuff fairy tales are made of and you should not try to turn it into a Romeo and Juliet kind of forbidden love. Take it for what it is – a passing attraction that’ll keep your thoughts busy until the next eligible bachelor comes along. And, speaking of eligible men – go out, date, have fun! An unattached, totally fabulous man might be waiting for you right around the corner!
2. On the Bright Side …
So you’re crushing on a married guy and cursing your luck for not seeing him first. He’s sweet and kind, gorgeous, a perfect gentlemen – everything you’ve ever wanted in a man. Good – hold that thought! This guy’s presence might not benefit your love life in any tangible way, but it can at least help you pin down a few new qualities your perfect guy should have. It’s not much, I know, but it’s something.
3. Don’t Let Him String You along
Some men will refuse to stop dating even after they are married, playing a picture perfect husband for their wives and trying to feed you the “unhappily married” lies to get you to play along. Your crush will never divorce his wife and, even if he did – could you really trust him afterwards? Play it cool and see what happens. You might get to witness him trying to sell the same story to the next girl and you’ll be glad you didn’t fall for it!
4. Don’t Let Yourself Become “the Other Girl”
So that guy is married, totally convinced his was not the match made in heaven and not shy about discussing it in public – that’s fine too, as long as he’s not using it to score casual dates. If his marriage is destined to fail, it will do so even without your help, allowing you to make your move fair and square, not become known as a homewrecker or be blamed for everything that was wrong in their marriage. Keep your distance and let the guy deal with his marital status on his own terms.
5. Don’t Encourage Intimate Behavior
Overly intimate texts, after-work drinks and other sorts of we’re-not-really-doing-anything-but-it-feels-wrong behaviors are a huge no-can-do for tons of reasons. Keep your cool! Be friendly and polite but do not let him see you’re ready to melt into a puddle the moment he speaks to you. You don’t want to encourage him or make him think you’re the kind of gal he could cheat his wife with – trust me, it’s for your own good. If he’s a decent guy, he’ll respect you more for it…if not, he’ll probably move on to the next unsuspecting victim.
6. He’s Not That Perfect
Sure, he looks like he’s perfect but let’s be honest – you don’t really know the guy well enough to know for sure. This amazing connection you two have might be real, yet it might be a result of both parties trying to leave a good impression. He might be a mama’s boy, might have terrible habits and you might deem him totally unsuitable if given a chance to date him. He’s no better than any other guy, just unreachable enough to continue playing a highflyer so, really, why risk your heart for him when you can turn to unattached men you can actually get to know?
7. Have an Honest Chat with Yourself
Liking an unreachable guy is not odd, as long as it doesn’t happen all the time. If you catch yourself lusting after one married guy after another…well, Houston, we have a problem! What is it about married guys that attracts you so much? Is it about competition? Your need to prove something? Or you’re just scared of commitment and therefore find married guys safe to play with?
Have you ever been tempted to hook up with a married man or even went for it and now have some interesting info on what having a relationship with a married man really entails? Do tell!