Being attracted to a married man can become a serious problem, give you a bad rep and, in the case your crush happens to be your boss or a colleague, even wreak havoc on your career. I might sound like an old, pious married lady but, trust me, karma is a b-word and relationships like these are actually fun for a very short time but could mess up your life in more ways than one. Feeling attracted to a married man isn’t the end of the world, of course, but that’s as far as I’d advise you to go. And in case you’re currently panicking and wondering what to do, here are some tips to help you rationalize your situation:
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1. Don’t over-Dramatize the Situation
Attraction is a natural thing and, yes, it is quite possible to feel attracted to a married man, a famous man or pretty much any attractive man even if you yourself are married. It’s hardly the stuff fairy tales are made of and you should not try to turn it into a Romeo and Juliet kind of forbidden love. Take it for what it is – a passing attraction that’ll keep your thoughts busy until the next eligible bachelor comes along. And, speaking of eligible men – go out, date, have fun! An unattached, totally fabulous man might be waiting for you right around the corner!
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Attraction can sneak up on anyone, and it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in it. Remember, fantasizing can be fun, but real life is not a Hollywood script. There’s no need to escalate every crush into a grandiose love affair - especially when it involves a married man. Keep your emotions in check, and take this as an opportunity to explore your feelings without acting on them. Life offers plenty of distractions; indulge in your hobbies, enjoy your friendships, and keep your eyes open for that connection with someone who’s actually available. After all, the best stories are those you can live without regret.
2. On the Bright Side …
So you’re crushing on a married guy and cursing your luck for not seeing him first. He’s sweet and kind, gorgeous, a perfect gentlemen – everything you’ve ever wanted in a man. Good – hold that thought! This guy’s presence might not benefit your love life in any tangible way, but it can at least help you pin down a few new qualities your perfect guy should have. It’s not much, I know, but it’s something.
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Consider this unrequited attraction as a learning curve, a chance to better understand your desires and deal-breakers in relationships. While he may be off-limits, you are free to take these insights and apply them to your search for someone who's just as wonderful but very much single. Having a clearer picture now of who your Mr. Right is, might make it easier to recognize him when he comes along. And yes, he will come along. Patience and clarity are your allies in the often confusing world of romance. Keep your heart open and your standards high!
Frequently asked questions
Attraction can be complicated and doesn't always make sense. Sometimes it's about the person's confidence, attention, or simply the mystery surrounding them. But it's crucial to understand why you're drawn to someone who is unavailable.
It's generally not a good idea to act on those feelings. It can cause a lot of pain and complications for everyone involved, including yourself. It's better to step back and think about the consequences.
If he's showing interest, you should set clear boundaries and talk about the situation honestly. Remember, his actions can hurt a lot of people, so it's important to keep your distance.
Focus on yourself and your own life. Surround yourself with friends and family who support you, engage in activities you love, and maybe even meet new people. Time and distance can help ease those feelings.
It can be challenging to stay just friends when there's an attraction, but it's possible with clear boundaries. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and ensure you both respect each other’s boundaries.
3. Don’t Let Him String You along
Some men will refuse to stop dating even after they are married, playing a picture perfect husband for their wives and trying to feed you the “unhappily married” lies to get you to play along. Your crush will never divorce his wife and, even if he did – could you really trust him afterwards? Play it cool and see what happens. You might get to witness him trying to sell the same story to the next girl and you’ll be glad you didn’t fall for it!
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Be wise and strong in such situations. Engaging with a married man who plays dual roles risks not just your emotional well-being but also taints your self-respect. Consider the repercussions if the tables were turned. Would you appreciate betrayal? Likely not. It's imperative to uphold the same values you expect in a partner. Plus, remember, if he cheats with you, he's likely to cheat on you. Instead, invest your time in someone who is fully available and willing to commit a hundred percent to a relationship with you – that’s where your true happiness will flourish.
4. Don’t Let Yourself Become “the Other Girl”
So that guy is married, totally convinced his was not the match made in heaven and not shy about discussing it in public – that’s fine too, as long as he’s not using it to score casual dates. If his marriage is destined to fail, it will do so even without your help, allowing you to make your move fair and square, not become known as a homewrecker or be blamed for everything that was wrong in their marriage. Keep your distance and let the guy deal with his marital status on his own terms.
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Understand that attraction may be involuntary, but actions are deliberate. Respecting the boundary of marriage is crucial. Even if sparks fly, resist the temptation to become involved with a married man as it can lead to complex emotional entanglements, social judgment, and unwanted drama. Remember, you deserve someone who's free to love you openly and without the shadow of another relationship looming overhead. Hold out for a partner who can give you their whole heart, and not just stolen moments. Always prioritize self-respect and make choices that align with your values and the respect you hold for the institution of marriage.
5. Don’t Encourage Intimate Behavior
Overly intimate texts, after-work drinks and other sorts of we’re-not-really-doing-anything-but-it-feels-wrong behaviors are a huge no-can-do for tons of reasons. Keep your cool! Be friendly and polite but do not let him see you’re ready to melt into a puddle the moment he speaks to you. You don’t want to encourage him or make him think you’re the kind of gal he could cheat his wife with – trust me, it’s for your own good. If he’s a decent guy, he’ll respect you more for it…if not, he’ll probably move on to the next unsuspecting victim.
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It is important to remember that engaging in any kind of relationship with a married man is both unethical and potentially illegal in many places. Even if the relationship is consensual, it is still considered adultery and is punishable by law in some jurisdictions. Additionally, having an affair with a married man can have damaging effects on your mental health and self-esteem. It can also cause a great deal of stress and strain on your family and friends. Furthermore, there is a strong possibility of the relationship ending in heartbreak. Therefore, it is important to take the necessary precautions and to think carefully before engaging in any kind of relationship with a married man.
6. He’s Not That Perfect
Sure, he looks like he’s perfect but let’s be honest – you don’t really know the guy well enough to know for sure. This amazing connection you two have might be real, yet it might be a result of both parties trying to leave a good impression. He might be a mama’s boy, might have terrible habits and you might deem him totally unsuitable if given a chance to date him. He’s no better than any other guy, just unreachable enough to continue playing a highflyer so, really, why risk your heart for him when you can turn to unattached men you can actually get to know?
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This text serves as a reminder that when it comes to being attracted to a married man, it is important to remember that they are not perfect. It is easy to be fooled by the idea of a seemingly perfect person, but it is important to remember that there is always more to someone than meets the eye. Being attracted to a married man can be a risky endeavor, as there is no way to truly know him or his habits without getting to know him better. Additionally, it is important to remember that it is never a good idea to pursue someone who is already taken. It is better to focus on single, unattached men who can be gotten to know and build a relationship with.
7. Have an Honest Chat with Yourself
Liking an unreachable guy is not odd, as long as it doesn’t happen all the time. If you catch yourself lusting after one married guy after another…well, Houston, we have a problem! What is it about married guys that attracts you so much? Is it about competition? Your need to prove something? Or you’re just scared of commitment and therefore find married guys safe to play with?
Have you ever been tempted to hook up with a married man or even went for it and now have some interesting info on what having a relationship with a married man really entails? Do tell!
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The reality of having a relationship with a married man is far from glamorous. It can be emotionally draining, as you will constantly be dealing with feelings of guilt and shame. You will also be risking your own physical and emotional wellbeing, as the married man may not be honest about the state of his marriage or his intentions. Furthermore, you may be putting yourself in a situation of financial instability, as the married man may not be able to provide financial support for you. It is important to consider the potential consequences of a relationship with a married man before entering into one.
Comments
Ashley: he's married translation he's of limits end of conversation
Nadine: I kinda like one guy, he's married and I can see that he likes me back. Of course he's not planing on cheating his wife, I guess. I wouldn't be with him, anyway. But I can't help myself with this odd fellings. And I can't stop thinking about him. And I feel really nervous when I see him. But I hope it'll pass. :/
KaTrena: I really tried some tips from this site n it works I stopped a possible fighting situation simply by telling him to the point how I felt n apologized for what ever i'd done to hurt him for what ever the reason was n I meant it n I listened to him n asked how can I fix r problems n gained feedback from him n we actually had an adult conversation with out raising voices or bad language with eachother I am amazed at my results from these helpful tips I need more please
MrGuy: From a guys perspective, I've been on the receiving end of uninvited advances from women who knew I was married with kids. These women themselves are often married with kids. If she is willing to cheat on her husband, then I wonder what kind of a wife she would be. I recently ignored a mom long enough for her to get the message; but it took months. Unfortunately, it wasn't easy to ignore her as I see these parents at my kids school. I like to skim these sites for clues as to the psychology of why some women do this.
Ella: Here's a tip stay away from him you wouldn't like if you were the wife
Lillian: What if he has a girlfriend?
Gessie1226: Sometimes we can't help who we're attracted to.
Keets: im having this problem right now! I'd never consider crossing the line though!
Jaclyn: Great post that most of us consider a taboo topic.
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