No book out there could give you an easy and fast answer on how to deal with a clingy boyfriend, and unless you’ve got Merlin on speed-dial, you’d better learn how to take it slow. Neediness is normal for some, totally annoying for others but it’s hardly a reason to skip dating a potentially great guy, so try doing your best to make it work. The sooner you start, the better, and here are some tips on how to deal with a clingy boyfriend that will help you determine when to act, how to act and whether to act at all:
1. How Clingy is Too Clingy?
My first step when trying to determine how to deal with a clingy boyfriend usually involves consulting my inner Cling-E-Meter. Good night texts I can deal with, pet names before pet names are due… okay, I’ll live. No L-words on a fifth date for me, however, and harassment via phone is definitely a deal breaker. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to sound too harsh, but if you’re feeling like you’re being stalked rather than courted, you should at least presume that getting the guy to loosen up won’t be a piece of cake. Are you up for it?
2. Speak up
Neediness is kind of romantic at first and will most likely slip under your radar while you’re blissfully floating on that fluffy cloud nine – don’t worry about it, that’s perfectly normal. You shouldn’t keep quiet about it when it does start bothering you, though. I understand that you don’t want to hurt his feelings and would really love it if your guy could just take the hint but, trust me, you need to speak up before this drives you totally insane and ruins what might have been a great relationship. Your new beau isn’t a mind-reader after all, so why not make things easier for both of you right away?
3. Communicate Your Feelings
Speaking up is all fine and dandy but is there really a nice way to say, “Stop breathing down my neck"? Well, actually, there is! Don’t “you this-you that” him but speak about your own feelings and the relationship you two have instead. Explain how much some “me time” means to you, that missing each other a bit makes you look forward to your next date even more… you can pretty much share anything you’re comfortable sharing, as long as you put it into a positive perspective.
4. Learn to Say No
Some boys feel the need to be around their girls 24/7 and some girls just love it! If you aren’t one of those girls, well, honey, time to practice your diplomatic skills! If you aren’t cool with him walking you home from work/school, being your shopping buddy for the day and whatnot, you should politely turn him down and offer to see him later or another day. There’s no shame in having other plans, not being in the mood or wanting to do something alone and the sooner you accept that, the sooner he will, too!
5. Show Some Love
If you have reason to believe his clingy behavior is a result of some “out of sight, out of mind” fear, you might want to consider doing your best to put him at ease. I’m not suggesting you should start professing your undying love every half an hour, lying or exaggerating, but you should let him know that you’re not going to run off any minute and that he doesn’t need to keep an eye on you 24/7.
6. Don’t Be Secretive about Your Outings
Secrets provoke curiosity and well… humans are a curious specie, after all! Don’t torture the poor guy by treating your outings as some super secret military operations he should know nothing about – it’s unfair and pointless. The more you share, the less inclined your guy will be to call you, tag along or ask tons of questions. But that’s not all! Sharing is caring, as it turns out, because it helps partners feel connected even when they are not going out together.
7. Cut Him Some Slack or Cut Him Loose
You’ve tried talking, tried hinting, tried everything worth trying and then some but your guy is still acting like a human Band Aid. Should you fold and start nursing your broken heart back to health or continue to play hoping for a better hand? Well that, my dear, depends on you and you only. Clingy partners might prove to be quite difficult to handle in the long run and yet all of us end up being more and more attached to our partners as the relationship progresses. So yes, things might take a turn for the worse and yet… they may turn out just fine, too!
Have you ever had to deal with clingy partners and how did that turn out? My experiences thus far have not been overly positive but still… I honestly think that having a great relationship with a clingy partner is possible, as long as both parties are willing to work for it.