Unfortunately, there aren't any ways to break up with a man that won't cause pain. I know this all too well; I stayed in a particular relationship a lot longer than I should have because I didn't want to hurt the guy by breaking up with him. Not only was I not doing him any favors by doing this, I could have been a much happier person if I had just bitten the bullet and been blunt about how I felt. So you don't go down the same road I did, here are a few ways to break up with a man that can make the task as painless as possible.
1. Meet Him in Person
This is one of the best ways to break up with a man and protect yourself at the same time. Meet him in public, but in a place quiet enough to where you can talk. If he starts yelling and trying to start drama, don't respond. Just let him yell and walk away. If you're concerned he might hurt himself or someone else, tell someone and get help right away.
2. Be Direct
Say the words, "It's over." Don't beat around the bush or try to soften the blow with indirect language. "It's over," "I want out" or "I'm leaving you" are things that will hurt him to hear, but you must say them. You don't want to leave him with any impression that you could be persuaded to stay.
3. Tell Him Exactly Where Things Went Wrong
This is part of being direct - this is what happened, this is why I'm leaving. Guys can be completely clueless about their behavior and they need to be made aware of it and the effect it has on other people. If you're open to working on things, this could be the "kick" he needs. If not, at least he'll know what to avoid in the future. Think of it this way - wouldn't you want to know what went wrong if the situation were reversed?
4. Practice What You're Going to Say Beforehand, but Have a Few Backups
There's no doubt that this isn't going to be a pleasant conversation, but you need go in with a clear idea of what you want you want to say. Think of a few possible reactions from him and have some responses on hand so that the conversation won't be derailed. Otherwise he could catch you unprepared, talk you out of it and you'll be in the same position you started out in.
5. Don't Drag It out Needlessly
While breaking up isn't something to take lightly (a lot more thought should be put into a three-year relationship than a three-month one), you need to move fast once you've made your decision. Don't give him "one last night" before you drop the bomb; it might seem like you're doing him a favor but trust me, you're not. What's more, it might draw you back in and you'll just find yourself in the same position next month.
6. Make a Clean Break
Steer clear from him as much as you can for at least a month. That might mean staying away from some of the "old haunts" like the coffee shop or restaurant you went to on dates for a while, but it's very important that you don't run into him any more than you have to. If you work together or are in some other situation where you have to see him fairly often, keep the conversation strictly on point and, if you can, involve other people to keep things on track. If he is on any of your social networks, remove him. If necessary, block him. Delete his number from your phone, get rid of his email, Unfriend him on Facebook-you get the idea. Do not leave any strings he (or you!) could use to pull back into the relationship.
7. Have Your Friends Back You up
And hold you to your resolve to make a clean break. Tell them to persist, even if you resist. That way, you'll be less likely to be sucked back in and will have support when you need it. If you're a people-pleaser like I am, you're going to need all the help you can get!
Regardless of how you do it, some men will think you've broken up with them in the worst way possible. No one likes to get dumped, but most "grown-ups" understand that things don't always work out the way we'd like. However much it might hurt him now, breaking up really is the right thing to do. Have you ever had to break up with a man? How did you do it? Share, ladies!