13 Ways to Deal with Being the Other Woman ...

Being the other woman is a tough situation isn’t it? This is especially true if the guy is married and not just in a relationship. There are ways to deal with being the other woman and here, we’ll explore some of them. We’ll also talk about maybe getting yourself out of being the other woman.

1 Face the Truth

When you’re in a situation where you are being the other woman, it can be really difficult to see the truth. Is he really going to leave his girlfriend? Is he going to stick with his wife? Why hasn’t he left his girl yet? These are all questions that you should ask yourself. In general, most guys want their cake and eat it too, that doesn’t go for every single situation and man, but in most cases, if a guy has a girlfriend and a wife, he’ll want to keep both of them.

2 Develop outside Interests

Just because you are the other woman doesn’t mean you have to invest all of your time in the guy you are seeing. Develop some interests that are all your own! Do you like to paint? What about write? These are the things that you can focus on instead of who your man is with!

3 Support System

Being the other woman is not easy. It’s actually really difficult and if you’re in a situation like this, it might be key for you to get a support system. Pull together some of your friends and family. Believe me, it’ll make all of the difference if you do happen to ditch the guy.

4 Therapy

Just because you are the other woman does not make you normal. There might be something in you that you need to get help with that has put you in this situation. Therapy might be a great idea in addition to your support system. That way you can figure out the underlying feelings that might have put you in this situation!

5 Stop Thinking in Black & White

If you are the other woman, you can’t think in blacks and whites. Everything should be in grey. You can’t think that you are the only one at fault, because he is the one cheating too. Just because you’re the other woman doesn’t make you a bad person, it is just a tough situation to be in.

6 Don’t Tell

Typically, when you are in this type of relationship, you can’t tell anyone, as it can all leak back to his family right? Well ladies, I say that if you are keeping your relationship a secret, you deserve better. So while it might be a first instinct not to tell, if you are really thinking about stopping the cycle, it might be time to talk to your family about your relationship!

Valentina Valentina K was his little dirty secret. ...

7 Think about Ending It

This should be a constant thought of yours, to think about ending your relationship with him. You may love him, it might be difficult the first couple months, but once you realize that you are better than a secret relationship and deserve more, you’ll dwell more on ending it.

8 Understand His Partner's Position

When you are in a relationship like this, it's hard to admit that you are the other woman, but ... you are. You've got to understand his partner's position, you've got to see things from their side too. Keep that in mind if you are the other woman and how you would feel.

9 Don't Settle

Settling for being the other woman is never a great option. You should be pushing it, you should be determining if you are going to stay put and let him walk all over you or if you are going to move on and find someone worth it.

10 Think about Your Future

How is your future going to look with this guy? You've got to consider that whenever you are in this type of situation. You never want to just stay in the now.

11 Know How It Can Effect You Emotionally

How do you think that you are going to be able to handle another relationship if you are the other woman? How do you think you are going to handle other relationships in general, even if this one doesn't work out?

12 Find Yourself Someone Single

When you are the other woman, you aren't ever going to be number one girls, you aren't ever going to be the perfect person to him -- so why not find yourself someone single? Why not find yourself someone that is worth your time?

13 Does He Get Jealous?

Finally, does he seem controlling and jealous, even though you aren't at all 'his' and he is in another relationship? This is something that you've got to weigh too!

Being the other woman definitely isn’t a piece of cake or a walk in a park, it’s hard. Just remember, there are ways to deal with being the other woman. Keep your support system close, talk about ending it and definitely know that you deserve better. So ladies, have you ever been the other woman? If so, share your story!

Please rate this article

☆☆☆☆☆

Comments

Valentina #6 Valentina K was his little dirty secret.
Bella I'm in love with this guy who already have a girlfriend and is engaged with her. He told me their relationship in on the brink of collapse because the girl's family does not approve of him for their daughter. He promised me he would leave her, but unfortunately we've been dating for 5 months now but still he could not muster the have the courage to tell her so. His excuse is because he does not want the girl to get depressed because currently she is working abroad and told me he would end it up when the girl returns home. I love him and all I could do is be patiently wait for things to turn up right. But still I'm having second thoughts. I'm afraid he will choose to save their relationship and abandon me. But still life must go on.
Angelblue Anyone experienced with him going quiet, for no reason or explanation? Especially when it was him who came after you?
Angelblue Hi, I've been in love with a married guy for a while. My whole world came crashing down at first sight. I knew it'd be wrong. But, things seem to be going right between us after all the waiting about. I knew I'd need to be patient. However, I am my own personal and I do have my life to live. And he knows that too. So, unless this went far and further, he will have to accept it. It suits me and my life, and I am smart.
- Angelblue Sorry I meant person**
Shellie I was the other woman to a guy who had his girlfriend, then engaged to her for 2years. at some point I knew he would never leave her and I managed to find another happy relationship. but this engaged guy kept reaching out to me on all forms of social media, telling me the relationship was over and I never believed a word of it. we talked, he only wanTed to talk about sex but I kept it friendly and platonic. but his wife reached out to me and told me she knew he had been lying to her and talking to me. as if she was coming to check me. why was she talking to me, shouldn't she have been going after her man? how was i in the wrong if I didn't want him or believe him in the first place?
Shannon How do you cope with being the other woman? I met my boyfriend nine months ago. He said he was getting a divorce but then said it's complicated and he has to wait until he gets his citizenship. He moved in with me and everything seemed fine. Until the day I caught him talking to other women. Just recently I finally got him to tell me the truth that he isn't faithful to me. Not a surprise since I'm already the other woman. I love him very much and just looking for tips on how other women deal with their man wanting to have sex with other women. He tells me he loves me and that I'm to keep and the others are just for sex. He is younger than me and I'm trying to understand but having difficulty with figuring out how to handle the situation.
dsomarriba2 I just start being the other woman, I really like this guy but I know he's not going to leave his gf he says he doesn't want to be mean to her ... It's the first time I've ever put my self in this situation we work together and if I wanted to get rid of him I would have to quit my job and I love my job...anyone have any ideas on how to undo the situation I've gotten my self in
Serial i have been the other woman for 8 years, my boyfriend ia married and has a daughter, I never intend to ruin their relationship I even acted such a hero buy providing him all he needs, even financially, I have been his personal secretary, adviser, everything, I did all the sacrifice I can, until i realized this is getting nowhere because I was never his priority, I am always being dumped and only being called when he needs help, he used to beat me as well. Now that I am far from him, I cheated and slept with another man. I am feeling guilty because I know he can already sense that I am slowly getting rid of him and I know he feels i am seeing another man. How would I deal with this feeling?
- Aisha @Serial Cheater, If you feel like your relationship with that man is going nowhere, why don't you just not break up with him and move on with your life, I am not judging you but seriously, since you are able to see other men and sleep with them, just break up, That man you are in relationship, doesn't respect you, beats you, calls you whenever he needs help and not whenever he needs you. Your relationship is a waste of time.
Dolores I am currently the other woman as well. The man I am seeing has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for 3 years maybe even 4 already. I met him a year ago in college and that’s where things took off. At first I was scared about his girlfriend being hurt if she ever found out and I tried staying away but it became harder because we were always around each other and having a good time. She also lived in another city so they didn’t see other on daily basis. At the begging I would ask him what if she finds out and he would always respond don’t worry about it. Eventually I stopped mentioning it. When this relationship first began I was care free and there was this other guy who I knew was interested me but we honestly only went out once and kissed probably twice but I felt no connection to him whatsoever so I didn’t pursue it. Around the same time the guy that I have been seeing was bothered by it but he never really told just the way he acted said it all. He got over it because he knew I wants interested and I really didn’t care about the other guy because my eyes were always on him. I never imagined to be in this position and never in a million would have I though that I would have liked this person the way I do. He makes me laugh, we joke around with each other and everything is perfect. I am honestly so happy because I have never had this connection with someone before. But I know it’s not right. I was hoping the distance we now have would help me push him away and vise versa but it hasn’t (we don’t go to same school (4hrs away)) . But it did leave me to think about my current situation. His girlfriend is done with school and he just finished, there is a big chance that she might want a family. What am I suppose to do then??? Just be left crying and forgotten. It led me to have a talk to him about cheating and I told him don’t do it with me or anyone else because if you claim you love her you wouldn’t be hurting her as you are even if she doesn’t know or suspects. He hung up on me and didn’t talk to me for 3 weeks till I met up with him this past weekend and he acted the same way he always does with me. He hugged me, danced with me and we cuddled. It honestly made me so happy and I didn’t want to leave but I had to and we haven’t talked since. His best friend says I hurt his pride and that he supposedly has no idea how to start talking to me but I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore because I honestly still want to talk to him but I’m done being the other woman.
Rebecca I'm frustrated to begin with, ITS Terrible being the other woman. I really, genuinely like this guy. When we first met, I had no idea he is married. But when I did, I told him I would leave him and he wouldn't let me. He drew a complete different picture that he wants to leave her, but now tables have turned. He doesn't love me the same anymore and now she's the one who is the main part and I'm the second woman. He says he loves me but sometimes he directly tells me that he wants to leave me because he can't do this anymore. Why now? After I've gotten so much into it. Now what about me? All he thinks is about breaking her heart and spoiling his and her life. Their's is a court marriage. I would have never got into this had I known about this fact. NOW WHAT DO I DO? I can't get out of it because I can't focus on anything. The thought of him leaving me, makes me burst out into tears. I've cried a million times thinking I can get over him that way but it doesn't seem to work out anymore. I even left my ex-boyfriend for 3 years because of him and this is what he does to me? Someone please suggest what I could do. I feel terrible each day. I'm 22 years and he's 27. Obviously he will plan to settle with her. What do I do? Broken at the moment. :'(
- OnTheSameBoat @Rebecca: Your story breaks my heart for that you're only 22 years old, my dear. Plenty of great chances & fishes in your pond. Although I'm not too sure how long ago that you posted on this board & he is 27, (give or take he might be 30 now?) seems like he might be hitting a 30s crisis without himself knowing it. His logic might wanted to settle down but deep down inside he isn't ready. He just wanted to do something to get over this situation & might regret this later on in this life. Usually females have more matured mentality than males, too. Sometimes we really don't know what we want until our hearts hits the fan. However, in this meanwhile (could be months or years), love & focus yourself on healing instead of asking what to do; go to your therapist if you've one instead of keeping in touch with him til you're ready to be friends again but maybe you'll outgrow of him by then because you've transformed to a better person. Also, who knows if he'll be a good match for you when you wanted to give him a chance again. Don't force yourself to cut it off but to do it gently because you deserve to love yourself more. *Hugs*
baayyy Sorry about the novel, i just needed someone to vent to because this situation is embarrassing and i havent told any of my friends or family. Great article though, i will take it into thought.
tulip I'm in love with a married man and have been for 8 years. I know he will never leave his wife and I don't want him to. Most times it is fine. I know he loves his wife and I know he loves me. We are in contact daily but sometimes I think that I should just end it but the pain of not being with him is worse than the being the 'other woman'. He is currently away overseas with his family for three weeks (the longest we have never had contact) and i'm not coping at all. I'm trying to keep myself busy with my children but I miss him. Any one else feel this way?
- Mistress @tulip, well he is not away for three weeks, but due to his job I havent seen him since Wednesday, but we did text yesterday. I feel so empty the minute he walk out the door now that I know that he is going home to her. I just wish I would of never found out he was married. But when we argue and he stay away for a few days or a week, yes I do the most with my kids. Like when I found out he was married I think we did not talk for about 3 days, and I think he only stayed away from me because he had to get his story together.
- Ninjafairy @tulip, must be very difficult. I've been the other woman for 2 years. Totally live the man but I just know that he will not leave his wife. We see each other almost daily. I know I should end it but I just can't because I love him too much. It's a lonely situation to be in. Hang in there :)
Shannon I have been the other woman for over four years. I sought him out. I have known him for 32 years and to be honest he was mine before hers. Let's say age played a part back then. Seven years is a lot when you are just getting out of high school. Now after separate lives and children we are together. He has always been honest with me he will never leave her but I always wonder why.
Roami Hi,that's definitely not the case. Check your facts. In the past there were actually many more boys than girls, but at the moment there are approximately 107 boys to 100 girls born in the world, so if anything women could possibly have more than one guy on the go.
Samantha Married and know that my husband has other woman Don't know how to deal with it any advice
Lemoncake Im in a very tricky situation atm. Ive been dating a guy for 2 months on a casual level. But seeing each other almost weekly and Ive known him for years. This week I discover that he has also been having a long distance relationship with a female travel buddy of his he met last year. There relationship turned sexual a few weeks prior to hooking up with me and she is now back in the USA. Before I came on the scene she booked to come here for Christmas and he agreed. I have now found out and he has been apologetic for his actions and states that he wasnt sure were we where going at the start and he agreed to her Christmas visit as I wasnt on the scene at all. He wants to carry on seeing me and has no idea atm if he is going to tell her to cancel her Christmas trip. Its literately only happened in the last couple of days. He has told me he doesnt see any future in his relationship with her as she wont move here and likewise with him to the US. But he feels strongly about her still coming at Christmas and effectively telling her to her face when she leaves that it isnt going to go further and that he wishes for them to remain friends. I think thats bloody awful for her - for more so I am now going to be the other woman. Really need some advice people....
Palaroundthecorner I just want someone with me once in a while in bed.
Kimberly Well I am currently in this situation and it's heartbreaking but I stay because I love him. We've been together for 7 years and I wasnt his other woman at that time, I was his only but he fell out of love I guess while I didn't it's hard to just up and leave when he is everything I ever wanted though sigh
Penelope I have been seeing a kind of ex boyfriend lately just around but he has a girlfriend now and everytime we see each other we kiss and talk. And try to forget about it after. He's always had strong feelings but I havent had as strong. I care about him but not enough to pursue more. He wants to know why him and why now. I don't know how to tell him I cant be the girl that leads him on more especially if he has a gf. He says he's very confused. How do I say in a nice way to stop thinking about me?
Cici All: I'm new to the whole blogging world and as much as it pains me to go out there and tell my story, I've come to the realization that it might be good to see if there are others who can provide advice or even relate to what I am about to share. About 9 months ago I became friends with a married man who I met thru work. I never in my life expected that I would even talk to him first given reason because he's married, who we shall call D. within a few weeks I was introduced to his brother through D, the brother shall be known as M. D asked me for a favor and it was to please help him with a way to breakup M and his girlfriend. I was skeptical at first but I heard D out and understood where he was coming from on the situation. Too make this more interesting D's wife knew about what D was up to and was all in for me being a part of this. I made no promises to this and I just started becoming friendly with M. Not to length this, I was able to accomplish the breakup with M and his gf and I had to remove myself from the situation because I felt terrible since I had no feelings towards M. At the moment in time, I was having my own relationship issues so it was an escape to forget about my own problems. After a few weeks of not speaking to either brothers, D reached out to me again and he made it known that he knew I was having relationship problems and that he can help me through it. I was skeptical at first but then I said I really don't have much to lose at this point so I allowed him into my life. I opened up to him and shared with him my secrets that I never confided in anyone else but my own sister. Little by Little I started spending more and more time with D and it was like he was never even married and with a family. Over the summer his whole family left for the two months to their summer home and of course he didn't go so I had every possible minute available with him. We had weekend getaways, day trips etc. This wasn't all it also became intimate. The one thing I tried to avoid was emotional attachment but low and behold it didn't work out that way. We both knew that we had fallen for each other and there was nothing we can do. His family was coming back from their summer home and my life was going back to normal. The question we both had was how do we deal with this, what do we do about "us"? It's fairly obvious that I was not going to be put #1 because his wife and family came first. After weeks of them being back, we still continued to see each other when we could but it was almost impossible. I started to lose my patience because it just wasn't fair to me but I still wanted to try because I loved him. Except for recently we started to get into some pretty heated fights. First one was over one of my exes Because D wouldn't allow me to talk to him not even a hello if I ran into him. This fight caused us to both get physical with each other and it's something that to this day I could not comprehend why I even would allow that or even forgive him for laying a finger on me. That right there was my sign to leave him but I forgave him and why because I was blind. Shortly after that, his wife found out about me so as if I didn't already have one issue to overcome there came another. Clearly my first thoughts where what's going to happen to us? But according to D nothing was changing and I believed him I truly did. So we made it thru these two obstacles. I figured that after that everything would be fine except for one Minor detail and it was his brother. He had no clue that D and I had anything going on and it was time to let him know. D was suppose to take care of this but didn't. Which now leads me to what happened next. We all went to happy hour and both M and D were there. M not knowing anything talked to me, bought me a drink everything was cool until we somehow kissed, can't say who it was to blame but it happened. D had no clue this happened and I wanted to tell him but happy hour was not the appropriate place considering we all had been drinking. D and I spent the rest of the night together until he woke me up yelling at me that I was wrong, how can I do that if I cared for D so much etc etc. And the question how'd he find out..well somehow his wife told him. How she would know is beyond my knowledge because she wasn't out that night. We clearly were not home and he was my ride home but decided that he would leave me stranded at 4am. Really what guy that cares does this?! I'm not saying I wasn't at fault but he should have taken the time to at least talk to me or even make sure I got home okay but he didn't. He jumped to his conclusion and it was over. After days of trying to get a hold of him I finally did via email because he blocked my number. And he pretty much told me what I had done was unforgivable. I'm not saying that at any point in time during our relationship I may not have been wrong but what about him leading me on to have a life with him and yet bringing in all these problems all of a sudden. I feel that had his brother known about D and I things would've turned out differently but I will never know. I'm on here to write and share my experience. For any woman who have gone through this before please provide feedback. For those who are currently in this situation or similar my advice is to get out of it as soon as you can. It's not worth the pain and tears. I'm beyond distraught and don't know how to handle certain things because of it.
Renee I'm in love with a married man, a man i have known more than 1/2 my life. he was my 1st for everything, we parted ways moved on with our lives, and somehow got back in touch i fell in love or I never stopped idk all I know is everything was good we were taking it slow and then the bomb fell i found out he was married. I love him its so hard to leave, he tells me he is leaving and filling for a divorce. I left him, i found some strength but i am dying inside without him.
Sharon I am in a new relationship with a guy with a partner. I have never done this before......It is so hard
Mel3888 Hi is anyone on here?
Suzi I agree that society ALWAYS blames the other woman. what about the man ?
Suzi @thecalicofrog. you need to walk away from the relationship 100%. when HE is legally separated like yourself then u 2 can move forward. if he loves u as u say he will tell u he has to stay in his marriage bcz of his kids & tell u to move on or he will file for legal separation. step away.
thecalicofrog I was in a very unhappy marriage and recently separated after 20 years together. I had been friends with a guy work for about 3 years. We were on the same emergency response team together, so we had a lot in common. The crazy thing is that it just kinda happened. We both decided that we could give each other what we were missing in our current relationships. Then it completely changed. There is a connection that neither of us can explain. OK now this is going to sound really crazy, the connection is so intense, and not in a sexual way. When I am around him, I get butterflies in my stomach, when he leaves it feels like someone is tearing my heart out and he has those same feelings. I guess I knew that there was always an attraction there even 3 years ago, but I don't believe that either of us were ready to stop fighting for each of our 20 year relationships. Although I have left my husband, he is still with his wife and kids (5 and 14). And yes the 5 year old was a ploy to keep him from leaving 5 years ago. She knows about me and has threatened to keep his kids from him if he leaves her for me. Our only argument has been about me not wanting to be the reason that he does not see is kids, they are his life. We both know that she legally cannot but it does not make it any easier. Even though we work together I get to see him for only about 2 hours a day. Video chatting helps but it is not the same. This is really starting to take a tole on me. I cannot imagine not having him in my life. But if I do not do something I know that it will affect my health. I do think that I need to set a date that I am willing to wait for his situation to change, and then if things are still the same I need to walk away. Any ideas?
Verysad I'm having an affair with a married man and I am married. I feel so sad and confused sometimes. I know I should end it....
Erica It's easy to say you'd never do something like that, but it's possible that you have never been placed in that situation. I was the wife who was cheated on & I hated the other woman & never dreamed that I'd one day be in those shoes. Of course I'd never have went to dinner with him had I've known that he was married. He was in a marriage & was unhappy for years but didn't want to leave till his kids were a certain age. Plus he wasn't looking to get into another relationship. He was just tired of being lonely. He wasn't planning on developing feelings for me & didn't know how to come clean so he started pushing me away assuming that if I ever knew, I'd hate him. He had hopes that I'd find someone else & he'd never have to tell me & remain just friends. He said he needed me in his life in whatever manner he could have. I ended up finding out about the truth 8 months after we started seeing each other. He apologized & explained & dealt with the ugliness that I threw his way. I do understand why he did what he did & I don't hate him. Now time will tell what he does from this point. He said that he is at a place now that he feels is a good time to get out but needs to get his ducks in a row. I do see him taking action & getting things lined up but I also have a personal time frame that I will wait for him to do so. It's never easy being either woman if feelings exist. But it's not fair to judge anyone until you've walked in her stilettos.
- jess @Erica, I completely empathize with you. Its a very crappy situation you are in. I am in somewhat the same only I knew he had a wife from the start and we were both unhappy in our marriage and both have kids who we didn't want growing up in broken homes. Neither of us expected to fall head over heels in love w each other and as a matter of fact what he did in the beginning sounds similar to what yours did. he told me he didn't want to fall in love etc. he even broke it off for 2 weeks because he felt like things were moving to fast and it scared him. We both should not have married our spouses and both settled. We are so much alike, finishing each others thoughts etc. Feel like we have known each other for 10 years from the start. He feels like my soul mate. But now that we are here w all these crazy feelings its very difficult. My marriage I am ending currently because I'm done being miserable for after 9 years but he's not ready to end it and I think it's mostly because his 2 kids. Anyways, didn't mean to ramble. Hope everything works out for you in the end.
honest-future Many of you want to blame the other woman why?! Its very obvious that he's not happy with his wife.woman get way too comfortable and let themselves go.then they wonder why there husband is cheating. If he wants you to try new things try them because what you want do another woman will....Good day ladies
Anna I was seeing this Marine for 2 months before he moved 1700 miles away to be with his daughter. I was proud of him for putting her first, but devastated to be separated. He told me I deserved more than a long distance relationship and refused to commit to one. A week after he was gone, we began speaking, and after the past 2 months we have bonded more and more and speak every day. I have developed a friendship with his daughter, and he recently added me on facebook. He told me a long time ago that he doesn't facebook women until it is really serious or unless it is a true friend. I was so excited. Of course I went through every picture he was tagged in, and found that he had a girlfriend the whole time. He broke up with her a couple of weeks ago... but this whole time he was witholding this information from me. He did say over and over again "my life is so complicated, you have no idea. I am not ready to commit to you yet. I am still figuring stuff out. Can we be friends for now and see where it goes?" So I have been patient. Now that I found out, I am in shock. I confronted him on the phone this morning and he basically accused me of snooping and said that this is the kind of drama he tried to avoid with things being read out of context on facebook. He said we would talk about it later. Now what?
Jett Keep in mind if he cheats on her with you..he is going to do the same thing to you. Also when you're in love you want to shout it to the world not keep your relationship in the closet.
- LunaVision @Jett, First, I am a lesbian. i just got out of a 3 year relationship and wasn't entirely looking for a person to be with again. I was minding my business when this girl and I connected. We instantly became close and it was scary at first because I didn't want to be in a relationship. Fastforward, we are talking to each other in such intimate ways and we will spend nights together talking about how much we care about each other. I knew she was in a relationship and I did not want to step over the line. She developed feelings for me long before I developed feelings for her. She was also the person who made the first move to kiss me. Now, i am in a situation where I am angry and upset at myself for letting things happen knowing that she has a girlfriend.
Sadirishgirl It is a tough situation! I am the other woman and I'm in agony. I was head over when I met him and he conveniently left out the fact that he was married. I should have said lose my number when he texted me but I was too weak. He lives a few states away too. Our jobs and his life don't make it easier either. So I feel like life will take care of ending it for us. But everyday I feel like my heart is breaking bc I can't see him . Let alone ever be able to be with him. Now he doesn't text as much and he doesn't say same things.and I have a lot going on with work and finances too. I don't need a broken heart on top of it. So I don't wish my situation on anybody. And I feel like I'll never meet anyone like him. People always say u will but I haven't and won't. He's my soulmate.
Kimi @ Elizabeth, even the bible said, at one point in life, seven women will cling unto one man. This could just be an indication that we are heading to that. Another observation is that women outnumbered men in population. Also, don't forget the fact again that there are more gays than lesbians, all of which are factoring to lesser number of men available to women. Inevitably, there will always be:the other woman.
Elizabeth I think another thing people should take into account is the fact that scientifically documented studies show that worldwide there are 2 women for every man; not counting China because of it's one child policy causing their population to opt to keep male babies only. So there may not really be someone out there for you Ladies unless you share a man as distasteful as that may be to you.
Sara @abdz21, agree!
Eve8520 So I was in a relationship for four years and felt really suffocated because my significant other always wanted to be with me and on top of that he made me get rid of all my friends and wouldn't even let me go out with my cousins! He always wanted to be with me and was really controlling and possessive! He would not let me wear makeup for a whole year and was really jealous. So when I went off to college I met this guy who was going through the same thing with his gf and was fed up! We would talk for hours and hang out secretly because our significant others would not approve of our friendship. We would just talk and vent about what was going on in our relationships. So we ended up liking each other but we were still with our partners and I felt really bad because no one deserves to be cheated on and I felt like my attraction towards my friend would lead to cheating so I broke up with my boyfriend because I didn't think he deserved to be hurt that way. My friend broke up with his gf too but then I went back with my bf and he was really hurt about that. Then I realized that I did not feel the same about my bf and that I really liked my friend so I broke up with him again. My friend and I would still hang out even though he had a gf and he would try to come on to me and well I was single so I didn't mind but felt a little guilty cause he had a gf. I told him that we should be friends with benefits and he asked if that's really what I wanted and I said yes. We talked about having sex and we both agreed on doing it. He tried breaking up with his gf again but it didn't go as he planned and he is still with her. We have had sex 3 times now! Me knowing that he was with his gf but I really did not care cause I'm newly single and doing whatever I want! Yes I wouldn't want that happening to me but he is the one that is always calling me and texting me and visits me all the time even though he lives an hour away. I never call him and text him, it's always him. But yeah I guess I'm the other girl but my world does not revolve around him and he is not my priority I do whatever I want and ignore him at times and he gets upset like if he were my boyfriend but yeah I guess I like the attention and the sex.
Angie2489 Why is it that the other woman gets the blame, the man had no shame on saying he had a partner, i'm the other woman right now and it's been going on for 4 yrs he's not married but he lives with the mother of his daughter who is 10 yrs older than him. Why should i get blamed? He was the first man in my life and only man until this day. I fell in love with him after yrs of spending time with him and it wasn't because of sex, we got to know eachother personally, yea i know it's wrong but i'm not the one in a relationship with kids I'm the single one i can hook up with who ever i want, if he chose to approach me when we met that was his problem. Why should it be the other woman's fault when the man is the one looking for her, calling, texting. That means you have to check on him, that means theres a problem between you and him. Maybe he's not happy with you but is use to you and the life he has with you. Maybe he has his life set straight but just with the wrong woman...
- Jett @Angie2489 I understand your point, but you have to realize if he really wanted to be with you he would.
abdz21 Awe poor thing... How bout leave the relationship? How bout not going after a guy you know is taken? I have no pity whatsoever for the other woman, especially if she knows that the man is already taken. It's 100% his fault too, but it takes two to tango and homewreckers shouldn't be let off the hook so easily.
Teresa If a man has been in long term relationship, and if he would just dump that women right away with no consideration for her at all, would you really want him. Its my belief that a good man would struggle with that decision, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you, just that he is struggling between his heart and his head. Give him time, you will know when its time to draw a line in the sand.
Fayth If he cheating on her to be with you what you think he won't do the same to you
Bianca i had a onenight stand a co worker who I knew had a girlfriend. I was so horrified with myself that I told myself that I wouldnt speak to him again, and I would leave it up to him whether or not to tell his girlfriend. I didnt see him for 2 weeks, but when I did see him at work next, he told me that he had broken up with his fiancee because he wanted me anf that she had kicked him out of his house. Thats right, as it turns out they were engaged! Not only that, but they have 2 children together aged 3 and 1! He is 29 and I am 19 yrs old. I didnt have feelings for him at that time, but I felt responsible for the whole situation and so I stuck by his side and provided support. I constantly tried to get him to go back to his ex, but he refused. I even tried to break up with him and remove myself from the situation so that he would go back to her, but he was persistant that whether or not I came along, he didnt see their relationship going much further. ive received abusive calls from her, her friends her family, and even his family. Over the past 5 months that ive been with him, I have developed feelings and can honestly say I am madly in love with him. But I can still see that he cares for his ex, and her for him. I am an emotional and psychological mess. Knowing that youve caused someone so much pain and misery is enough to break anyone. I have lost relationships with my friends and family because they disapprove of what I have done. The worst part is, no matter how severe the consequences are, you know deep down you deserve them for causing someone so much heartache. So now I have to force myself to push this man away, the man whom I have grown to love so deeply, for the chance that their family, the one which I have torn apart, can reunite and find happiness once again. That was my first ever one night stand, the fifth person ive ever slept with, and the first person I feel I truly love. DO NOT sleep with a taken man. Ive seen firsthand the pain it causes. Ive looked into the eyes of the children whose father I stole, and the eyes of the fiancee whose bestfriend and lover I have stolen. DONT INVOLVE YOURSELF WITH SOMEONE ELSES MAN. YOU WILL RUIN LIVES, INCLUDING YOUR OWN!
CaliSurferGirl Has anybody ever considered the possibility of two people actually falling for each other even though one or both of them are in a relationship? These things happen and of course, a situation like this is never easy but I've been there and I can assure you that in some rare cases it can actually work out. You cannot expect two people to hold back their feelings just because society wants them to.. As long as you observe certain limits and respect the third persons feelings it is okay not to be a 100% faithful until things are sorted out and the relationship has been put to an end. And last but not least, in my opinion the fact that your man is not immediately dumping his girlfriend to be with you only shows that he values a relationship and that he will treat you in a good way as well. Lots of love from Vienna <3
- Bellamami08 @CaliSurferGirl i agree!
kelly I was the other woman for 6 months until I dug up some information on him, and I found out he was in a rela tionship. I was so mad that I never spoke to him after that, I felt used. It reminded me of how my dad cheated on my mom with some woman, and then later everything fell apart (divorce).
Kim Anonymous:I was married for six years to a man I loved dearly. I saw the changes in him, and his daily routine changed. He started coming in late from work, and leaving early for work. His excuse was to beat the traffic. Come to find out he was having an affair. I was heartbroken, I tried everything to save my marriage because he was my life. I hung in their for another year but the trust wasn't their. Sad to say we got a divorce. This man called me everything but a child of God, after this my self-esteem went out the door. I've been struggling with my self-esteem ever since. Now I'm seeing a married man. I'm not proud of myself for doing this because its emotionally draining. Sitting around waiting on him to visit, basically putting my life on hold. Every time I break it off with him I go back. Please help any suggestions to get him out my life for good.
- Heather Oh no Kim, I'm so sorry that happened to you! It is so, so hard to deal with being cheated on. It can absolutely affect everything in your life. I hope that you are able to grieve the relationship.
Kristin Don't be the other woman! I was, unknowingly the other woman for a year. When I found out he was married I broke things off. A month later their marriage was over and now we've been together 2 years. I love him with all my heart and soul, but the nagging feeling of "He cheated on her, when's he going to cheat on me, or has he already?" Will never go away. It's not worth it!!!!!
Aithne oh, please, please don't ever knowingly be "the other woman". an affair broke up my parents' marriage years ago, and today seeing those two people who used to be in love still bitter and sniping at each other about it is utterly heartbreaking.
- Lisa @Aithne Palfreyman, yeah, its not worth it... a woman accommodating a married man's woes and being his escape. Its horrible when an affair breaks up a marriage. Why because it doesn't have to and many are not strong enough to push past the pain it causes. Just remember that affairs don't break up marriages, divorce does ...
- Heather Hello Aithne! Thank you so much for the comment, I can definitely see how it can be devastating. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.
Anonymous How do you think a guy should feel who is the "other guy"? What if a guy is in love with a girl who isn't married to some guy but is living with him, and says that when they have to move she won't go with him, so is leading the "other guy" (who's not "with" anyone except an ex who wants to come back to him but had initially betrayed him) on to think she will come live with him, even if they never had sex before? And the relationship has been mostly online, on and off for 2 years, but has been daily for 6 months? She had started calling him when the official boyfriend moved back home for 6 months, and would talk to him for 8, 10, 12 hours a night (mostly her talking) but then when the official boyfriend came back, she had to limit things to Instant Messages and emails, sometimes 50 or more emails or IMs a day, right up until now? Should the "other guy" keep hanging on, or will the girl want to do like the guys do, and try to keep both, try to "have her cake and eat it too"?
- Sheila Hi there, Sorry to say this but I think she's going for the last option. I just think if she really wanted this other guy, she would have done something about it by now. Two years is a long long time and she should have been able to make up her mind by now!
K I fell in love with a guy, i had no idea he was married, we would flirt all the time etc. so one day i got up the courage to tell him i really liked him. this is when he informed me that he was married and genuinely had no idea that i was unaware of that fact. So we continued being friends... we talked about maybe having an affair, but neither of us could go through with it. My problem is that i do honestly love him, he is the only person that has ever made me happy... truly happy just to be around, he could be complaining the whole time and i would still pick hanging out with him than anyone else. i think we handled the situation responsibly but it still sucks.... and i do feel like a bad person because everyday i wish for someone else's marriage to end.
Anonymous being a girl i feel, its always better to leave such a guy who cant commit to you....you deserve better!!!there wuld be a guy 1 day who wuld shower u wt his attention .....we just need a strong willpower and patience:):)