Have you ever wished that you could make a break up easier? It’s no secret that they suck. Whether the relationship was already dead or one person thought it was going okay, breaking up is tense and emotional, and generally rather rubbish. There are a few things you can do to make a break up easier on both of you, though, and boost your chances of a clean, happy split.
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1. Don’t Lash out…
This is especially relevant if you’ve just been broken up with, and you weren’t expecting it. Relationship endings hurt. It can feel like your world will never recover, and the rug has been ripped out from under you. Try to keep calm, though, and resist the urge to lash out. Telling your partner you hate them, never loved them or wish you hadn’t met them won’t be productive, and isn’t very honest. And while you might not care what they think, your own recovery will be much slower if you aren’t being honest with yourself. Fight the urge to lash out, and you’ll make a break up easier by far.
2. Being Vague…
If it’s over, it’s over. Be sure before you initiate the conversation, and don’t pay any attention to niggly doubts. Change is scary, and it’s natural to try and leave your options open! Avoid asking to stay friends, or vaguely saying you need space or time. Not only can these give your partner false hope, which isn’t fair on either of you, but they can make things awkward. If you can be friends in the future, you will be. You can’t be now.
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3. Withdraw First…
It might seem natural to withdraw after you’ve broken up, but it’s actually better to do it first. Maintain some distance between you and your partner for three days or so before the break up, and you’ll gain some emotional distance, strength and allow your partner to subconsciously prepare themselves emotionally. You don’t need to be mean – just be busy.
4. Get Your Speech Ready…
It sounds very cold to be prepared, but you need to know what you are trying to say, and how you will say it. If you don’t plan, your words will come out a mess, and you’ll hurt everyone more. Your partner will be shocked. They’ll also be hurt, and ready to jump on anything to blame. Your speech doesn’t have to be long. It just needs to be understanding, sympathetic and confident.
5. Do It Face to Face…
With so many ways to communicate, it can be tough to bring yourself to tell your partner face to face. You’ll probably be able to convince yourself that they’d prefer an email, text or phone call, so that they can be on their own. It’s not true. Unless violence has been an issue, it’s always better to do it face to face. You owe them that. Go ready, with your speech, make sure you’ve got somewhere to go afterwards, and avoid any intimate physical contact. It’ll be okay.
6. Make a Clean Break…
Staying in the same house together after a break up will hurt. Emotions are everywhere, people are hurt, there are memories in every room. Move out, or get him to. Don’t be tempted to try staying in the same house, or it’ll be painfully awkward, and as that hurt turns to anger, you might find that things get broken, or there’s a stream of new bed-partners in your kitchen each morning. It’s just not a good idea. Break up, and move on. It gives the best chance for a smooth break up.
7. Stay Away…
Equally as important as getting away to make a clean break ASAP, you must stay away. That means no visits, no texts, no calls, no voicemails, no love notes, no Facebook messages, no Tweeting. Don’t tell them you miss them, or ask how they are getting on, or inquire as to where your hairdryer is. Don’t quiz mutual friends on how they are getting on, either. Leave it be. You might be curious, and you probably will miss them, but in reality, it’s best all round to stop all communications. It really will make a break up easier.
The last thing to remember is that it is always tougher on the person who's just been dumped. They’ll be shocked, upset, and probably still madly in love. They’ll want closure, at the very least, and might try to talk you round. It can be a good idea to avoid places they are likely to be, keep any communications to an absolute minimum and withdraw for a bit, until the hurt eases. Have you got a way to make a break up easier? I’d love to hear it.
Comments
R.: Ok I'm going to start wayyyyyy at the beginning: It was June last year and I had a guy friend named, lets call him A. He's was really funny, weird (I love that) and sweet. We would have the most hilarious conversations and then we got into who liked who. I teased him playfully about his old crush, H. So he started to say: well.. I like this one girl. And I was like OMG who? Then we went through all these guesses and I guessed right. It was another girl, AT. So then he asked me who I liked, and I told him. I didn't really have a crush then but I liked this other guy a tiny bit. So then he said that there was another girl that he loved. And he said me. I froze for a second and thought about how much I liked him. He was the sweetest guy and I never noticed that I liked him so much. So then I told him I liked him back. The next few months of the summer we were texting constantly at night, he even told me he loved me, and one night he said he didn't want a relationship right away since we both were only 13. So I agreed and I was relieved to hear it cuz I was getting really nervous about it. Then in September our school was having a homecoming bonfire we have every year near the school. He said he needed to tell me something. So I never confronted him but we did look at each other and I smiled as wide as an idiot. But he never said anything to me. So then I got confused. I didn't ask him about it cuz i was too scared. So then the relationship continued on of him asking me if I wanted to sit together on the bus to a field trip, sitting with each other at a movie for school, etc. it all never happened. Then we just stopped texting altogether. I asked him if he ever wanted to go see a movie with me over text because I was too scared to say it to his face, but he said he was busy. I am too scared to ever ask him out to a movie again now. Whenever he sees me he just runs away with his friends even if I don't say anything. We were going to sit together on a six hour bus trip to the special ski trip we were having but he said he was going to sit with his friend instead. I was looking so forward to it and so I just broke down. I know it really isn't a big deal but I just was completely exhausted and couldn't handle it. I'm scared and exhausted and emotionally drained, I don't know what to think anymore. I'm just dead inside. I still love him so much even though my heart is broken into a million pieces because of him. My heart skips a beat whenever I heard my text tone then it drops when it isn't him. My world doesn't revolve around him but I can't ignore it when I end up thinking about him. Like I said, I can't talk to him face, I can't text him anymore cuz girls are never suppose to text the guy first, I play hard to get but he doesn't respond, I'm stuck. He's also changing schools next year, and when I tried to confront him about what I felt, he just said it was because he's been busy with changing schools which makes no sense cuz he isn't leaving until next year. I just don't even know where we stand anymore..
Karla: It's kinda hard to say this is what I needed! My ex was honestly my world.. We had our issues but we resolved them. Two days ago he said he couldn't keep leading me on when he's not feeling like himself , however he seemed unsure then asked me to come back. He came over spent the night cuddled & the next day after he left he dumped me for the same reason.. Ugh
Kim: Good advice I am currently going through a breakup and I did everything you said not to but lessons learned
Nikki: I wish my boyfriend's ex would read this
Christina: I'm so burnt out!!! It's been almost 2 years . I knew 3 months into it that he wasn't the one. I have seriously broken up with him more times then I remember . I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? I'm honest. He is in love. I'm not. I tell him that. He wanted to get married a long time ago . I don't . Not to him. He knows all that. We have said "goodbye" so many times. Then he will kiss my ass and Behave for two weeks and then he will be a lazy, unappreciative, unmotivated, ( yawns in My ear constantly on the phone!!! Seriously ! Thats what my mind is doing!) comes over late at night to "spend time together!" Bullshit. I don't even want to do him. We are adults here. I don't want or need a booty call. But how do I completely exit him out of my life? I'm not desperate . I meet men all the time. I'm 38. I don't want to go on a zillion dates. Or do a dating service. I do not have much spare time. So I not willing to waste it. And with this guy I am.
Lana: @R. I know we don't know each other but I bet you're a really nice person and if a guy treats you like that he doesn't even deserve you! It would be hard but I'd just try to forget him because he sounds like a childish dumbass.. There are plenty of fish and you'll find another one for sure who'll treat you well and you know he will be the right one for you. I wish you good luck and don't worry it will all be alright!
Aisling: @Christina, I can relate to u me n my dickhead ex broke up like 7 times in one year I'm so sick of it, so relieved now its over n I wish it was over long time ago only if he had not trying to contact and talk me back into the shit but only behaved gud for like 2 weeks. One of my girlfriend has experienced the same with her reportedly broken up with tht massive DH like 20 times. Now we're both free!!!!! Apparently both DH exes have mother issues lol
Chloe: My ex should have read this.
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