Breaking up is hard to do. We humans have never been good at it and I think we’ve made it even worse in the modern world – break up by text, break up by email – seriously? And now, I hear of a new way called “ghosting”. This is where you end a relationship simply by ceasing communication with your partner. That’s horrible. No matter how your feelings have changed, you deserve to treat your partner and yourself – with dignity when breaking up. You may have lost respect for them as your partner but this person is still well, a person. How do you break up mindfully?
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1. Accept That It’s over
One of the most important ways to break up with dignity is to acknowledge within yourself the relationship really is over. You will never be able to truly move on if part of you cannot accept that this part of your life is over. So preserve your dignity, stop yourself from starting to appear desperate and force yourself to acclimatize to your new circumstances.
2. Boundaries Must Be Respected
This is something that needs to be adhered to both by you and your partner. It is vitally important that the new boundaries that your separation has created are not continually crossed in the short time after the break up. You both need to give each other the privacy and respect that is needed to move on at one’s own pace.
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3. Leave No Questions
In order to achieve full closure and as much dignity and mindfulness as possible, you and your partner should leave no stone unturned when it comes to your reasons for breaking up. Making sure that there are no questions left unanswered, and also answering them in a respectful manner is key to keeping the process mature.
4. Be Mindful of the Present
If your ex is somebody that you are not going to be able to completely cut out of your life, a work colleague, for example, then you need to learn how to interact with them in light of the different circumstances. Be mindful of the present and the fact that your relationship has changed. Do not hang on to the personal jokes and intimate moments that you once shared.
5. Be Available during the Break up Process
One of the best ways to preserve your dignity during a separation is to make yourself available to help your ex through the process along with you. Shutting yourself away and becoming unhelpful is not productive, both for your closure and your ex’s. So if you want to be able to look back at this break up in years to come with a sense of satisfaction about your behavior, try to be mindful and as helpful as your emotion can allow.
6. Be Patient
Patience is a real virtue, and patience is something you will need a lot of when going through a break up, especially if your other half is in denial or unwilling to cooperate. At times you will want to throw something, shout at the top of your lungs and be completely unreasonable, but think of it this way, use your patience to behave so that you don’t do anything you would be ashamed to tell somebody in five years time.
7. Commit to Compromise
As relationships are all about compromise, so too are break ups. The key factor to preserving your dignity during a separation is to be able to see things from both sides and try to achieve a mindful compromise that allows both you and your new ex to be able to move on in a healthy manner. Don’t hold too many grudges and don’t be unreasonable in the break up process!
Yes, it’s seriously hard to keep your emotions in check when breaking up. Being mindful will actually help the healing process because you’ve already chosen love and non-judgment over hate.
Please share your breakup stories. What your most excruciating breakup?
Comments
Wendy: Kim possible!!!😃
britt: Im pretty sure people have been "ghosting" long before 2015 ..these new terms are so annoying
Thelsnyc: My head tell me to accept the break up, let him go and just think about yourself now. but my heart and my mind keep thinking about him. Our good times together. It's so hard. Isn't that I don't want to accept it. It just extremely hard for me.
shanianawaz: This is good advice but it's so hard when you're hurting.
Kristy: Worst break up ever was him sending me a naked pic of some chick in his bed and telling me that's some usda grade a ass right there and then oh sorry that wasn't supposed to go to you. He knew it was over right then and there. No words could ever say how pissed I was at him and still am
Renee: Well when they're a liar and manipulative, "ghosting" doesn't sound so bad
Nitty: My ex broke up with me last year, a week after our anniversary. He would answer my calls but not talk properly and never said i love you (he used to say it everytime he said good night) then he avoided me and when i asked to meet him to Talk it out, he was "unavailable" or "busy" . he just stopped talking completely. So yeaaaah worst ever
Anna-Marie: I told myself I was never going to be one of those people that send a text to break up. But I found myself doing so to a guy that didn't talk to me for two weeks. Sadly, I didn't want to hear what he had to tell me over lunch and I ended things that way.
Mayyie: What if yr boyf doesn't give any respond to yr breakup text and call?
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