How to Handle It Brilliantlyfor Girls in an Interracial Marriage ...

Lyndsie

How to Handle It Brilliantlyfor Girls in an Interracial Marriage ...
How to Handle It Brilliantlyfor Girls in an Interracial Marriage ...

Outside of the situation, it's easy to look at the idea of interracial marriage and brush it off, all the while thinking, “It's 2015, this isn't even a big thing anymore.” The truth, however, is that for a couple, it can be difficult for a number of reasons. For instance, if your marriage is inter-cultural as well, you might find yourself dealing with fighting families, feeling like you're being pulled in two different directions. As well, the differences that mean so little to you may still matter to other people – people who generally have no bearing on your happiness, mind you, but whose attitudes can make things tense and even toxic. The key to take away is this: other people's opinions don't matter if you love each other. If you're committed to your marriage and your partnership, you can make anything work.

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1

Ignore Everyone except the Beautiful Person You're Married to

Well, maybe that's not exactly practical. Okay, okay, so it's impossible. You can't ignore everyone. You know whose opinions matter, though, and the point is to focus on each other. This is your marriage. The two of you created this. Together you'll experience life together, maybe start a family – whether it consists of babies or puppies is entirely up to you – and grow old together. The two of you made this union.

2

Use Your Differences to Learn More about Each Other

The worst thing you can do is try to ignore your differences or act like they don't matter. I'm not just talking about skin color here, although that is a factor, of course, because your skin color shapes you. Different races have different experiences. Like say, you might also come from different cultural backgrounds. Maybe you grew up in the same town but lived in different neighborhoods, attended different schools, and practiced different religions. Go ahead and focus on those differences. Get interested in them. Use them as a means to learn about each other's lives, the triumphs as well as the failures. Trade shoes. Your feet won't necessarily fit, but you'll learn more about where your lover came from.

3

Try Not to Let Your Marriage Become a Pressure Cooker

Most marriages have their pressures. In an interracial marriage, you face the pressure of fitting in but it's different. You're navigating brand new territory and family members might disapprove for any number of reasons. One of you might feel uncomfortable stepping into the other person's world. One of you might even feel unwelcome. That can have enormously negative effects on your relationship. You have to cross these hurdles somehow but don't let the pressure seep into your home. Your partner isn't responsible for his or her family. You're not responsible for yours, either.

4

Try to Find a Place That Feels like Home

You might think this is impractical advice as well since it's not exactly easy to pick up stakes and move. Still, the two of you can find a place that feels like home to you. It's a place where you're comfortable and happy with each other, where everything feels simultaneously fresh and familiar. It might be a different neighborhood in NYC, a small New England town, or somewhere abroad. It might be a new apartment in the same building or a house in the country. It might even be a new circle of friends. Home being where the heart is, there's no telling where you two will find yours, but you'll know it when you do.

5

Talk about Any Issues That Bother You when They Happen

I mean it, talk about any issues. The worst thing you can do is let something fester. It doesn't matter if you hate your husband's snoring or if your wife feels like your aunt made a really insensitive comment. Get it out, vent if you need to, and then discuss it together. Talk about how you can deal with whatever happened. This is tricky when it involves the behaviors and attitudes of others, especially family and friends, but it's best if you get it out in the open before you start feeling resentful. Just don't attack your spouse. Remember, neither of you are responsible for anyone else's actions.

6

Standing by, Standing up, and Standing for

Spouses stand by each other. Stand by yours. Spouses stand up for each other. Stand up for yours, even if you can't change opinions. Stand up for your wife when her boss treats her unfairly and when your brother says something ugly. Spouses stand for their relationship. Stand for yours. Stand for your beliefs as an individual and a couple as well. Create a united front and nothing can really get to you, whether it's a stressful situation at work or toxicity from within the family.

7

Don't Let Anyone else's Opinions Affect Your Love for Each Other

Going full circle back to number one, keep any toxicity away. No one else matters. You two are married. Your stereotype-spouting best friend and your judgmental grandmother can both take a long walk off a short pier, right? Maybe not, but you control what touches you. Focus first on your opinions of each other. Then consider the opinions of the people who matter most to you. If you can't reconcile their opinions, decide where to go from there. Beyond those people, seriously, no one else matters. Their opinions have no effect on your lives or the way you feel about each other.

The world has made a lot of progress, but there's still such a long way to go. I could fill up ten more pages with cliches about love and most of them would be true, but let's go with the Beatles: love is all you need. You can make your marriage work by loving, respecting, and supporting each other. Never stop learning about one another. Never stop discovering new things. Never let the opinions of others turn something beautiful into something ugly. If you're in an interracial marriage or relationship, share your thoughts. Tell us your love story.

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

I'm black and my husband is Scottish, we are extremely blessed to have both our families come together so nicely without any issues. He gives me the world and I couldn't be any happier.

I'm white US and my husband Is from Guatemala. We've both been lucky that our families embraced our relationship, but we've also both had to make adjustments to make it work. Mainly because of expected gender roles and the great differences our cultures have in regards to these roles. Sometimes we both were frustrated, but love always won. We have been married 20 years and have 4 of the most amazing children! The wonderful thing is this: the kids all took the best of both cultures and combined them into something very unique and special to see.

Am an Indian and my boyfriend is Rwandan. We are together for the last one year and this article has given me a new hope that we as a couple can go a long way and that our love can be a full circle. Loved this!!!❤

I'm black/Hispanic and my husband is Polish and I have never been happier. Remember that any negativity you receive says more about them then it ever will about your relationship. Live and let live 👌☺️

I'm Filipina, he's American and have been together for 18 months. I believe love is a decision not emotion so despite the differences we always choose to love each other

I am Afghan and my husband is white. A few my relatives refused to come to our wedding, which hurt at the time. However I've never been happier. By the way thank you very much for this article!

I'm Black/Hispanic my hubby is Italian it works for us ;)

I am French/ black African American and my finance is Indian. It's good for us but can be a bit much at times. His parents love me so that's all I care about

I love interracial relationships. And @Katie and @Husna forget what people think they sound terrible anyways, you dont need that in your life!

I'm all about that interracial 😍

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