A Girl's Guide to Surviving an Emotionally Abusive Relationship ...

By Lyndsie

A Girl's Guide to Surviving an Emotionally Abusive Relationship ...

Emotional abuse, like physical and mental abuse, is damaging, dangerous, and a disservice to you. You deserve better. Emotional abuse leaves scars that don't fade. It can hold you prisoner and keep you captive. You begin to feel like you deserve every ugly, unkind, disparaging word. You begin to think you deserve the abuse, that there's something wrong with you, and that this is the best you can do. You don't deserve the abuse. There isn't anything wrong with you. This is not the best you can do. You can get out of this. You can survive it. You can thrive through it.

1 Admit That It's Abuse

Admit That It's Abuse This is the hard part. Emotional abuse comes in many forms. Your partner may outright insult you, may call you ugly or fat, tell you that you're a slut, that you're stupid. S/he may try to control what you wear, how you think, and who your friends are. Constant arguments, disparaging your opinions, insulting you, or simply shutting you out, never talking to you, and blaming you for all the issues in your relationship are all forms of emotional abuse. Mental and verbal abuse may come into play, as well. This type of abuse, unfortunately, takes many forms, some of which are subtle and insidious. You have to recognize the abuse and call it what it is. That's the first step in taking back your own power.

2 Understand That It is Never about You

Understand That It is Never about You You do not deserve this. I mean it. You do not deserve it. You may be on the receiving end of this shitty behavior, but it has nothing to do with you. It absolutely sucks that you're taking the brunt of it, but abusers abuse. That's what they do. Your partner's behavior is all about your partner. There's something wrong with her/him, not with you. You've done nothing to deserve what's happening to you, not one thing. The issues lie solely with your partner for reasons you may or may not begin to understand.

3 Set Boundaries for Your Conversations

Set Boundaries for Your Conversations The emotional abuse and the way it comes out are both due to your partner. However, that doesn't mean s/he doesn't have legitimate concerns, nor does it mean that your relationship is automatically a bust. First, you have to decide if the abuse is forgivable and if you want to work past it. If not, walk. Do what you need to gather up your courage, have your support system at the ready, and walk. If it's worth fixing, then you need to set boundaries. You have to let your partner know that the way s/he speaks to you is unacceptable. This might lead to …

4 Consider Counseling

Consider Counseling Counseling truly is helpful. In cases of emotional abuse, there are several ways to use counseling to help you. You can go by yourself – to heal, to come to terms with what you went through, and to get your power back. You can attend sessions as a couple, as well, where you can learn how to set those boundaries, how to speak to each other, how to listen, and how to work together. Your partner can go by her/himself, too. That may even be a condition in your relationship because your partner needs to figure out what causes such vitriolic behavior. At the very least, that will also help all the people who may come after you.

5 Cut out Negative Self-talk

Cut out Negative Self-talk Whatever you decide to do in your relationship, whether you decide to work on it or walk away from it, you have to watch the way you talk about yourself. Over time, when you're around someone who constantly puts you down and makes you feel less than what and who you truly are, you can start incorporating some of that into your own self-talk. Don't. You are none of the things your partner accuses you of being. You know your faults and your flaws, but I guarantee that none of them are unforgivable. None of them make you a terrible person, so don't talk to yourself the way you've heard your partner talk to you.

6 Surround Yourself with Support

Surround Yourself with Support At first, it's embarrassing to tell other people that you're in an emotionally abusive relationship. You worry that people will judge you, especially if you choose to stay with your partner. It's true. Some people might. The people who truly want the best for you will also be supportive, however. They're the people who will stand by your decision while holding you up, but they also won't stand for someone treating you badly. You need to trust your support system implicitly, which means that you need to be honest about what you're going through.

7 Understand That You Have Power, Too

Understand That You Have Power, Too Abuse is all about power. Every type of abuse comes down to a need for power. The thing to remember is that you have power, too, even when you feel like you're at your weakest point. You have the power to tell your partner you won't stand for their behavior. You have the power to fight for yourself. You have the power to walk if you can't fix what's been broken – and there is no shame in that because you are not broken. The person who abuses you is broken.

Have you ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship? First of all, I am so sorry. Secondly, if you have stories or resources to share, please do.

Sources: breakthecycle.org, yourtango.com

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But how can one know if it's really abusive or maybe just overreacting, as they have been told?

Lol why would you want to survive an emotionally abusive relationship?... Get out! #WhenInDoubtGetOut

@ Annie it's never easy for abused people to walk, God forbid u shd ever have that happen to u. U r so broken, u loose so much of ur self ur focus ur dreams ur self worth n u just stock in a maze. As u begin to loose all u begin to believe all ur abuser told u Becos of cos u r now making more mistakes from ur confusion so as u fail u r sure ur abuser has been right all along n then u stay cos u sure no one else will want u cos u now accept u damaged goods.

But with that, I totally acknowledge how hard that is. It took me three years, but at least I know I'm healthy now, you know?

Seriously stuck in one right now. It feels hopeless.

Can you please tell me how you found the picture for the first step. I read this a while back and I've been wondering about that bathing suit

@annie not always is it even POSSIBLE for abused people to just get up and waltz out of a terrible situation. Not all circumstances are created equal, not everyone can do the same things. All that can be done is let that person know that they have support outside of that situation. Let them know that if they ever need a temporary venting place, you're there for them! I've been abused, so when I say this please believe me: NOT ALWAYS IS IT THE BEST THING TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS!!! If you are forced to stay in that situation, adapt. Deal with it as well as you can, knowing that you have the support of others. Don't be that person that thinks that their way is the only way. Know that everyone has their own special set of circumstances that dictate what they do in every situation. Basically: don't judge others until you've been a mile in THEIR shoes.

Umm how about rather than "surviving" the abusive relations ship, you GET OUT of it.

As someone who has gotten out of an abusive relationship, I think that leaving is really is the best thing you can do for yourself. It's crazy because you start to lose your identity and you don't even realize the manipulation and power they have over you. If you are reading articles about abusive relationships, you know you're in one. What should really be said is that you shouldn't pretend it's going to get any better. Abusive relationships are just dangerous cycles of denial and pain. Don't try to fix a broken person, get yourself out.

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