All Women's Talk

Hot Tips to Spice up Your Marriage ...

By Brandy

Want to learn how to spice up the sex in your marriage?Don’t let the young have all the fun and love doesn’t have to be wasted on the youth.

Has your love life fallen into a rut? Feel like romance and hot sex have left or that you are too old?

Ha! Don’t believe it! You are the only one holding yourself back from whatever romance and hot sex you want or desire.

I was a nonbeliever, after raising 3 children, being 45 and having a partner for 23 years. I was definitely feeling like romance and hot sex had passed me by. I’ll be honest my libido and stamina are not like they were in my 20s, but it couldn’t be over could it? NO! Once I figured out the answers to one question. What’s holding me back? It wasn’t my husband. Yes, at 46 his stamina isn’t like in the 20s, but his libido has not changed. He tells me all the time how sexy I look, how he wants me and how I turn him on. I feel guilty sometimes because I felt like I was just going through the motions. How unfair to him.

It wasn’t outward but inward I needed to look. All my problems lied within me. It really came down to my self-conscience feelings about my body and getting over the crippling embarrassment I would feel just trying to talk about it (thanks mom, dad, society) how can you be free sexually when you are told that nakedness is dirty and having sex is wrong.

So how did I fix it, well let’s just say it’s a work in progress, but I have had such AWSOME results, I just had to share. Here's how to spice up the sex in your marriage.

1 Don’t Let Yourself Be Fooled

You can bring romance and hot sex back into your marriage. Having a positive attitude and an open mind can go a long way. Don’t get sucked into the belief that just because you’ve been with someone for a long time that love and romance go away. The only reason those things go away is because you let them go. So hold on, because I am going to give some simple tips to help keep that hot sex and romance around for years to come.

2 Look Inward

You need to actually spend a little time looking inside and deciding what you want. And what are the issues you have that hold you back from getting what you want and deserve. Are you self-conscience, embarrassed, shy? You are not alone. After 23 years with my husband, I was embarrassed to have the lights on. Silly right, but its real for a lot of us raised to believe sex is dirty and talking about it is shameful.

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3 Start Working out

If you already do, then you know the benefits. But if you don’t you need to start. I’m not saying go crazy, but here is what has been working for me. I walk 2 days on one day off a week for 30 minutes. That little bit alone made me feel a lot better about myself. I was feeling happy and sexy. I did lose a little weight, but the difference I felt emotionally was much unexpected. I totally get the statement from the movie Legally Blonde now “Exercise creates endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy women don’t kill their husbands” Amen sister.

4 Talk to Your Partner

I can’t stress this enough. How can your partner satisfy you if they don’t know what you want or like? They can’t give you what you don’t ask for. You will probably find your partner is just as embarrassed about it as you and you may find out some interesting things about them if you just can’t seem to get past the crippling embarrassment instilled on us since birth. Try writing little “Do to Me” Notes. Put in lunch boxes, on their pillow with a chocolate. Use your imagination. It can help if you just can’t seem to say the words out loud.

5 Leave the Lights on

Now if neither of you like it then don’t do it. I don’t like the light, being highly self-conscious of my body I found it impossible to relax, so for years, he accommodated me (such a good husband). You can try using a very dim light and work your way up or if like me you just can’t feel relaxed you can get a dark sleep mask I can say they work great, or play a role and use whatever works for you.

6 Get out of Comfort Zone

Yes, you want to be comfortable, but having an open mind and taking baby steps out of your comfort zone can open up a whole new world you never dreamed of. You don’t need to dive right in and create some love dungeon, but a little experimenting can go a long way.

7 Try Some Toys

Seriously, explore. Again no need to go crazy, but this is a great thing to do with your partner. If you can’t bring yourself to enter a sex shop. Don’t feel bad, I can’t either, but we live in a great age of ordering online. There are tons of online stores. I have found Adam and Eve to be good. Plus these companies ship your items in discreet packaging so no one can see what you get.

8 Stay Away from Porn

Watching some with your partner isn’t a problem, but research shows that consistent viewing of pornography is effecting libidos. I myself have started to dabble in love books, even if you are skimming to just the sexy scenes; then do it. My husband and I have dabbled a little in reading those sexy passages for one another and replace our names. Hearing the person you love, saying what they want to do to you is so HOT!

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