When you are in a relationship, it is very easy to look outside of your own partnership and direct your attention on to others, constantly comparing how you do things to the way they do things, or trying to see whether their love is a more real and passionate love than your own. When it comes to comparative exercises like this, our brains always try to trick us into thinking that no matter where we look, we come off worse than those who we are comparing ourselves to. It’s a completely fruitless exercise! Here is how to stop comparing your relationship to everyone else’s.
Rather than looking outside of your relationship to seek comfort and validation, look within it instead. Don’t focus on the things that other couples have, focus instead on the things that you DO have, and this change of attitude will soon help you to realise that even though your partnership might be different to your BFF’s or your sister’s, there is still a whole lot to cherish and celebrate.
Make an effort not to play the blame game when it comes to trying to find a reason why your relationship might not be the same as someone of whom you are jealous. Thinking thoughts like “if I was him rather than you, I would have that great big house by now” is only going to serve a destructive purpose. No single relationship is the same so it’s not fair to put those comparative pressures on someone.
Make the time to have honest conversations with friends about their own relationships, and you will find that a lot of the assumptions you had made about them were completely wrong and unfounded. Even if someone else’s relationship looks perfect from the outside, we all have our own problems.
If you find yourself getting jealous of a couple who have recently acquired something or taken a step that you and your partner have yet to take, then don’t sit around stewing in jealousy, instead take action to do something about it. Nobody ever achieved anything by sitting still and releasing negative thoughts in to the world. If you want to match a couple who have just bought a new home, then set about saving up funds of your own so that you too can enjoy a new home in the near future. You should see other couple’s successes as inspiration, not sticks to beat yourself and your partner with.
The thing about social media is that you only ever see the very best parts of person’s life on their profile. You see the amazing birthday gifts and the beautiful vacations, but you don’t see the late night arguments and the problems in the bedroom. Get yourself off social media for a while because it presents a distorted, idealised view of relationships that just isn’t truthful.
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