If you haven’t been accused of relegating a man to the “friend zone,” well, you haven’t lived. I’ve got news for you though: there’s no such thing. Truly! The friend zone is a myth, a made-up fairytale invented for the sole purpose of making us women feel guilty. Here’s a run down on a few of the reasons why the dreaded friend zone isn’t real, and how to deal with this made-up place.
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1. He’d Have to Be a Friend
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If a guy’s accusing you of “friend zoning” him, basically he’s just saying he’s disappointed that the time he’s spent with you hasn’t led you to want to have sex with him, that he can “only” be friends with you. Well, if all he’s really been after was a sexual relationship with you, he wasn’t, and isn’t, a friend, and thus cannot exist in a friend zone, if such a place exists. Which it doesn’t Read on.
2. You’re Not a Machine
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New flash, dudebro! As a wise person once said, women aren’t machines you can feed with kindness coins until sex falls out. We’re real, live sentient beings with our own feelings and agendas.
3. Sorry, Mate
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When I hear the “friend zone” complaint, I want to scream – like, really, dude? I’m so sorry I burdened you with my friendship. What a terrible weight to bear, having to spend time with me without sex!
4. Thanks a Lot, Pop Culture
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I think one big reason we women buy into the friend zone myth is that it features in the plots of so many movies, books, and TV shows, even songs! Many of which, of course, are written by (you guessed it) men. Patriarchy much? Thanks a lot, pop culture. THANKS.
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5. There’s No Girls’ Version
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If this mythical friend zone truly existed, you’d see women bemoaning being relegated there, too, but it’s a rare thing to hear.
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6. Does It Work?
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Ask yourself (or the fine gentleman whinging about his friend-zone status): has complaining about being friend-zoned every changed a girl’s mind? If a guy friend came clean one day and told me he had feelings for me, I could respect that, and if I had some feels for him too, we could proceed. But if instead he just complained that he was tired of the friend zone, what would I do with that? It’s not tempting.
7. Dump the Chump
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If your friend confesses his feelings for you, search your heart and if you like him too, go for it. If not, be honest with him: you value his friendship, but you’re not interested in anything else. If he’s a real friend, he’ll be happy with that (he might be embarrassed or shy, but still). If he breaks out the “friend zone” complaint, remove the unworthy jerkface from your life, stat. He’s no friend to you.
Have you been accused of friend-zoning someone? How did you feel? How did you handle it?
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Comments
Susan: In my experience there is no such thing as a man being just friends
Pearlfect08: Best article everrrr
Inna: Not true, the friend zone definitely exists—tell Éponine Thenardier it doesn't! Also, that's just false about rarely hearing a thing from girls about being friend zoned—they complain about it just as much as men do. Every single girl I know (including myself) has complained about it at least once.
Claudine: I agree and disagree at the same time. I've been "friend-zoned" by guys before. And my motives weren't sex trust me, but being stuck in the "one of the guys circle" we're he tells you stuff he'd tell his guy friends, which is nice cuz he's opening up to you but not so much when he's telling you about some girl he boned the night before. Where he farts, burps, and scratches his balls in your presence and wants a high-five for how "epic" it was. And when you confess to him, he tells you he sees you as a little sister or "one of the guys but with boobs" ("not that he's looking at my boobs" lie right here). And then makes any small issue or awkward moment about you confessing to him not matter how long ago it was. #FemaleFriendZone
winapster: Thanks for sharing! I always Loves your blogs
Jessica: I think proponents of the friend zone fail to accept that chemistry doesn't always happen between two people, even if one person has romantic or sexual feelings for the other. It definitely sucks to be rejected, but it's even worse to poison a friendship because you can't accept that someone doesn't have the kinds of feelings for you that you want them to. You should be content with being friends, because self sacrificing is what true love is all about (platonic or otherwise).
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