7 Rules in a Lesbian Relationship People Don't Understand ...


7 Rules in a Lesbian Relationship People Don't Understand ...
7 Rules in a Lesbian Relationship People Don't Understand ...

No matter what type of relationship you are in, there are rules, but rules in a lesbian relationship are something that a lot of people don't understand. I've been in a gay relationship for 6 years and there are rules in a lesbian relationship that none of my friends get – but that's okay! I've got all of the rules below that can really help you understand how a lesbian or even a gay relationship works!

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There Are No Gender Definitions

When it comes to lesbian relationships, one of the top rules in a lesbian relationship is that there are no gender definitions. Just because I work outside of the home and my partner works inside the home, doesn't mean that I am suddenly the 'man' in the relationship. It just means that I work outside and she works in. There aren't automatically roles that lesbian relationships follow, it depends on the participants.


This approach breaks the heteronormative stereotypes that often dictate partner roles based on gender. Instead, communication and individual strengths guide who assumes various responsibilities in the relationship. It’s about what works best for each couple. If one loves cooking while the other excels in fixing things around the house, those become their everyday joys, not chores assigned by outdated norms. In essence, it is the freedom to be oneself without adhering to preconceived notions of who should do what—a true partnership of equals.


Not Every Relationship Has a Butch/Femme

Also, not every relationship has a butch lesbian and a femme lesbian. Truthfully, a lot of people have that misconception about lesbians and it's simply not true. In my relationship, we are just us, regular people who happen to love one another. I am not a femme or a butch and neither is my partner.


In addition to not every lesbian relationship having a butch and femme, there are also a variety of other types of relationships that people may not be aware of. Lesbian relationships can range from monogamous to polyamorous, and from long-term to short-term. Some couples may choose to live together, while others may prefer to keep their lives separate. Additionally, some couples may choose to be in an open relationship, wherein they are allowed to pursue other partners.

It's also important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to lesbian relationships. Each couple is unique and should be respected for their individual preferences and values. It's also important to remember that communication is key in any relationship. It's important to talk openly and honestly about expectations, boundaries, and feelings. This will help both partners to feel secure and respected.

Finally, it's important to note that the term "lesbian" is an umbrella term that encompasses a variety of identities. This includes, but is not limited to, queer, bisexual, pansexual, and transgender women. Each of these identities is valid and should be respected. It's important to recognize that each person's experience within a lesbian relationship is unique and should be celebrated.

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Sex Toys

Another rule in a lesbian relationship is that not every relationship has to have sex toys – and if a lesbian does use them, it doesn't mean that she is missing something. Truthfully, a girl can get off in so many other ways and sex toys can just be for fun. In a lesbian relationship, us girls just want to have fun!


The stigma around sex toys can sometimes overshadow their purpose— they're meant to enhance the experience, not compensate for anything lacking. Some couples might make toys a regular feature of their bedroom play, while others may choose to keep things organic. Either way, there's absolutely no "right" or "wrong" here. It's all about what feels good and spices up the moment for those involved. Whether it's with giggles and toys or whispers and touches, what matters most is the connection and mutual satisfaction. And yes, sometimes a toy-free night is just as electrifying!

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Sex Does Not Have to Be a Staple Every Night

Because you are dealing with two girls, there isn't a rule that you have to have sex every single night. You can actually go a few weeks or even months without sex just because you don't feel like it. Try that out with a guy and who knows what can happen to your relationship!


Just like any aspect of a relationship, the frequency of physical intimacy is a personal decision between partners. In a lesbian relationship, this approach can be particularly freeing, as societal pressures and gendered expectations often differ. The key is open communication and understanding each other's needs and desires. It's important to remember that intimacy comes in many forms, and it doesn't solely rely on sexual activity. Cuddling, deep conversations, and shared activities can all foster a close connection without the necessity of sex. Partners should feel empowered to define the rhythms of their intimacy as it suits them best.

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Nurturing the Relationship Takes Time

A lot of the time, people just assume that because two lesbians are dating, they are automatically engaged – or that just because they are in a relationship, they automatically want to settle down. Nurturing the relationship takes a long time and trust me, a girl wants to know her partner inside and out before completely committing.


This misconception can lead to undue pressure for quick commitment and oversimplifies the unique journey every couple takes. Like any relationship, a lesbian partnership requires ample space for growth and understanding. The building of trust, discovering of common values, and sharing of life experiences are vital components that scaffold the love between partners. It is in those taken moments, those shared whispers, and endearing laughter that a deep connection is fostered. Patience is not just a virtue but a necessity, as truly profound bonds aren't built overnight—they flourish with time and tender care.

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Any Cheating is Still Cheating

In a lesbian relationship, any cheating, whether it is online, with another girl or even with another guy – it's all considered cheating. This is a huge rule in my relationship and because of past relationships, I have a bunch of trust issues. This is another misconception that people have about lesbian relationships – that if a lesbian cheats with a guy, doesn't mean that she is cheating. Not true!

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No Automatic Threesomes

Finally, another rule in a lesbian relationship all revolves around threesomes. Just because a girl is in another relationship with another girl, doesn't automatically mean that she is going to ask for a threesome. In my relationship, I can't share – ever.

So, while these are some rules and misconceptions that you might not understand – do you get them a little better now? Lesbian relationships are normal and have rules just like anyone else! So, what other rules do you have in your relationship?

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Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

As for your "rules" question...I feel the same way you do. Being with one person means just that-one person. The way we see it is if you're doing/saying something of a romantic nature to another person that you wouldn't do in front of your partner, you probably shouldn't be doing it at all. I know that's not a "catch-all", but it seems to be a rule common to any kind of relationship, same or opposite sex.

My girlfriend and I believe that any relationship, no matter who you are or what sex you are, should have commitment. Cheating is cheating.

That's so true, i've been living with my partner for almost a year now, we are not obliged to have a nightly routine, just to make ourselves happy or complete. We act as normal couples do but instead of nightly woohoo's, we tickle each other, we tell jokes, we fondle, we cuddle and tell stories till we fall asleep.


My sister Traci and her partner, Jayne just got married today in the UK. She has run into this numerous times over the years. I think guys just think lesbians must be into kinkiness because they are gay!!

so right

My Girl friend and i started going out a month ago and i told no one about my being Bi Sexual .... Any way i feel the same way we laugh and hug and this week end we are going camping 4 our 1st date we plan to do nothing because just talking and cuddling is enough to show how much we love one another And yes we have never been on a date out side of meeting each others parents

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