If you have just gone through a breakup, you need to know the signs you are being used so you don’t become your ex’s emotional crutch. After a breakup that you didn’t initiate, chances are you want to keep in contact with your ex because you are hoping he might change his mind. The thing is, although this can occur with some relationships, its more likely that he sees you as his backup girl. Since you deserve so much better than that, I’m going to share the signs you are being used as an emotional crutch.
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1. More than Friends
Does your ex still act like your boyfriend? If so, then he is still texting, calling, sharing your bed and spending time with you. One of the signs you are being used is when an ex acts like a boyfriend but won’t commit to you. While you keep hope alive that you will get back together, the truth is that this pseudo-boyfriend is using you until he finds something better. Tell him that you aren’t interested in having a pretend-boyfriend; you want a real man that can commit.
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It's easy to misconstrue convenient comfort for genuine affection, particularly with an ex-partner who still circles around you. However, consider this: is he there for you during your low moments, or simply when it's beneficial for him? If he's only present when he needs emotional support, or a plus-one for social gatherings but avoids discussing the future, it's a stark signal that your feelings are his stepping stones, not his destination. Stand your ground — remind yourself that you deserve someone who isn't just a temporary placeholder but rather a permanent partner in your life.
2. Can’t Let Go
Your ex says that he needs you in his life because its too painful to cut ties completely. He’s keeping you in his life so he doesn’t have to face the pain of losing you. The thing is he is keeping you in relationship limbo. This is the equivalent of emotional sabotage because you can’t move on to someone new with an ex in the picture.
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This paragraph discusses the situation where an ex-partner claims they still need their former lover in their life because it's too painful to completely cut ties. This can be seen as emotional sabotage, as it keeps the other person in a state of limbo and prevents them from moving on to new relationships. This behavior is often seen in relationships where one person is using the other as an emotional crutch, relying on them for support and validation without reciprocating the same level of commitment. It can be damaging and prevent the person from finding a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Frequently asked questions
Being used as an emotional crutch means someone relies on you to support their emotional needs without considering your well-being. They might use you to boost their ego or feel better without giving anything back.
Some signs include them always turning to you in a crisis, not respecting your boundaries, never offering support in return, and making you feel drained. If you often feel like their counselor, that's a big red flag.
People might do this out of insecurity, loneliness, or a lack of coping skills. Sometimes, they don't even realize they're doing it because they're so focused on their own needs.
If your ex constantly seeks you out to talk about their problems, needs reassurance, or emotionally relies on you while you're not getting anything back, it's likely they're using you for support or an ego boost.
It's important to set boundaries. Have an honest conversation about how you feel. If they respect you, they'll understand and adjust. If not, it might be time to reconsider the relationship for your own well-being.
3. Wants to Date Others
In this case, your ex is dating others casually. But he is also dating you as well. This type of ex is selfish because he wants to continue having you at his beck and call while he explores dating other people. The moment he finds someone else, you can bet that things will dramatically change as he turns her focus to someone new.
4. Talks about the Future
This is the ex that tells you things like “let’s see where the path leads”, “let’s just see what happens in the future”, “one day we might get back together” or “let’s just see where this goes”. This ex wants you in their life but labels your new relationship as a friendship. He isn’t quite sure what he wants so is using you as his backup plan. Tell him you aren’t waiting around for him.
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This paragraph discusses the fourth sign that you are being used as an emotional crutch, which is when your ex talks about the future in ambiguous terms. This could include phrases like "let's see where the path leads" or "one day we might get back together." This behavior shows that your ex wants to keep you in their life, but is not fully committed to a romantic relationship with you. They may be using you as a backup plan while they figure out what they truly want. It is important to set boundaries and not wait around for someone who is unsure about their feelings. This sign is a red flag that your ex is not fully invested in your relationship and is using you for their own emotional needs.
5. Love Rollercoaster
It seems like you make up and breakup about as many times as you change a pair of socks. Your ex won’t cut ties with you because he is emotionally dependent on you. It’s one of those relationships where you aren’t happy with him and you aren’t happy without him. So you let him run back to you time and time again.
6. Only when It’s Convenient
This is the ex that comes in and out of your life at his convenience. You hear from him when you least expect it. He wants to keep in touch with you because he wants to know if you are dating anyone. If you aren’t and you show a lot of interest in him, he withdraws and disappears again. He comes back into your life to make sure you are still available and still willing to get back together. Once he confirms those facts, he disappears again.
7. The Relationship Bouncer
This ex has met someone new and enters a relationship. Once the relationship fails, he runs to you to mend his broken heart. In essence, he is using you as an instant ego boost. He enters another relationship with yet another person but that doesn’t work out either. So once again, he runs back to you and continues to bounce back to you after any breakup.
If you recognize your ex in any of these scenarios, cut him out of your life until your heart is completely healed. Allowing someone to use you as an emotional crutch cheats you out of finding true love. Can you share other signs that indicate an ex considers you his backup plan?
Comments
Jane: My ex is all of that, and constantly asking me if I had met anyone yet. This article is great eye opener. I have told him to give a space and I have met someone else and dating him happily:-)
Jessica: All of this is true for me!! I've just cut my ex out of my life for good today, although it hurt I can't wait for meeting someone who's actually going to be a man and commit to me
Shel: All but number 7 are true for me and my ex. Finally cut him out of my life by moving away and changing my number. Nothing good ever comes from staying "friends"'with an ex.
Merarri: @Shel, Congrats on leaving a guy that can't commit! It takes courage!
Merarri: Ladies thank you all for sharing your experiences!!
Hanna: 1,2,4,5,6 are true for me and my ex and I didn't even realize it until I read this! Really good article!
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