7 Undeniably Horrifying Signs You're Dating a Narcissist ...

After 2 years of putting up with his silent treatments, discarding and coming back. Telling me things I want to hear and then hurting me. I finally said I am done. I have gone no contact for 4 weeks and it was and still is hard but I am already starting to feel better about myself.

Alyx, I appreciate your last post - very well expressed and no, I don't feel like you are attacking me. I went back and re-read my initial comments and I understand that I was misleading without intending to be. Your self reflection about maybe feeling a bit too personal about my response applies to me as well. I made it sound like ALL those afflicted with BPD/NPD will inevitably sabotage their relationships and that certainly is not true. Sharing my experience along with the comments of several on this thread in order to save the inexperienced/uneducated as I was could save wasted time, effort and $ for the therapy necessary on what will frequently (but not always) become a dead-end experience. If the person with either of these disorders is extremely low-functioning, it won't take long to figure out that something is amiss, even if one lacks the experience to identify some of the red flags. If the afflicted has some degree of self-reflection, or is able to look at themselves objectively and ask for professional help, it is possible to sustain a relationship with a partner who has strong boundaries and is able to hang on during the peaks and valleys on the roller coaster ride. The difficulty, (and forgive me for repeating from one of the earlier posts but I will be more specific and more accurate this time) is when one is dealing with a "grandiose" narcissist or a high-functioning borderline. It can be very difficult to detect narcissistic or borderline traits in the early stages of a relationship with people like this. They are extremely charismatic - intoxicating. For many of the "stealth" narcissists the unsuspecting partner is merely a source of supply, filling up the emptiness of the NPD individual. High functioning borderlines often are lacking a sense of self and will present themselves as someone they believe their new partner wants them to be; almost like a chameleon instead of a true self . . . There often isn't one. In my opinion, you did the right thing to move on from your ex who repeatedly disregarded your requests and was bent on sharing something that should have stayed between the two of you. You were forthright in revealing what your were going through. In order for a relationship to achieve a deeper level of intimacy, we can't fear revealing our "warts" to our significant other at the appropriate times. What a partner chooses to do with what they have been entrusted with, we cannot control. That is part of being vulnerable and most unfortunate that he violated your trust. It was best that you moved on.

Ugh!!! Kailee's comment bringing back a time of discovery and growth for me. Under the same umbrella as a cluster B personality disorder is Borderline Personality Disorder. While BPD has it's own set of 9 specific criteria, the majority of individuals afflicted with BPD are often comorbid with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As Alyx pointed out, possessing narcissistic traits is not the same as being diagnosed with NPD. We are all narcissistic to some degree. When the degree of narcissism becomes extreme along a spectrum is when it affects relationships adversely. Take heed in the comments from Meta, Kailee, peony blue, alka, Daniboo301, Jojo, Kat, Krenx and El. As you begin to develop a "relationship" with a person who is afflicted with BPD/NPD, you are entering their perception of reality . . . guaranteed to end unlike any interaction you have experienced in the past; totally destructive especially if your romantic interest is high-functioning. Little or no accountability. When difficulty eventually arises, it will be projected back on you. Intoxicating on the front end, when the end rears it's head, it will make no sense to those who think logically. Much like Kailee's description, (roller coaster) it's like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. The person you thought you knew is wearing a mask. It's a childhood defense mechanism that has existed long before you entered their life. It's a facade that will crack when we eventually prove to be human and therefore become "imperfect" and not the person they idealized in the initial stages. You will become totally worthless, devalued overnight in their black-and-white world. You can't change them. Go for the nearest exit, run, and don't look back. Count your blessings if you were able to leave before marriage and children.

Exactly move on...

Just dumped him- emotionless - sulky if he doesn't get his way - unloving unless in the mood - only does a good turn because he's getting something - lies first even if the truth is a more viable option - pray he's gone for good- really do

That kinda sounds like a lot of guys! At least the ones I know.

Dani - narcissism and bipolar disorder are NOWHERE near the same thing. Please don't spread around false facts and further stigmatise the word for something it's not, and making it sound so much worse. Yes, if youre unhappy, leave. But don't toss around mental disorders just because you think they're not good for you.

Alyx I actually wasn't I was explaining wat my ex had I never once said it was the same thing!!!!!!!!!!! Lol

Run as fast and far as you can before he throws you into an abyss you can't get out of. I wasted so much time on him before I realized what he was. 😔

It took a long time to get over this one guy, a narcissist is really good at pulling a girl in and making her a part of his crazy, self centred, roller coaster ride that is his life. Bad memories creeping back...