All Women's Talk

13 Things You Shouldnt Say in an Argument ...

By Kati

There are definitely some things you shouldn’t say in an argument. I mean, I know that tempers are fraying and you are beyond mad, and probably quite hurt, but uttering some words can make the fight seem so much worse. If you aren’t careful, a heated argument can become an all-out war, and maybe even the end of a great relationship. Keep your wits about you, though, and avoid these things you shouldn't say in an argument.

Table of contents:

  1. It’s over
  2. I’m fine
  3. You’re such a ...
  4. You are just like your mum
  5. You are always late
  6. Why are you mad?
  7. This is all your fault
  8. You're just like my ex
  9. This talk is lasting too long
  10. I'm sick of you
  11. Any comparison to your parents' relationship
  12. Black & white views
  13. I hate you

1 It’s over

This has to be one of the top things you shouldn’t say in an argument. However hurt and upset you are, keep things like this to yourself unless you actually mean it. The same goes for declaring that you are moving out, or that you want a divorce. Unless it’s actually happening, and you are completely sure, don’t say it.

2 I’m Fine

Really? Yes, I know. I’m bad at this one too. You want them to know what is wrong, and fix it. You don’t want to have to explain and justify. You might even want to be fine. It’s a lie, though, because you aren’t fine. During an argument, it’s easier just to say nothing or to be honest, because proclaiming you are fine doesn’t go far to fixing the issue. Take a deep breath, and speak once you’ve cooled down.

3 You’re Such a ...

Insults come easy when you are mad, and chances are that he will be behaving like a jerk. Don’t tell him that, though. If you feel like name-calling, chances are that you are feeling emotional and your argument won’t be doing any good. Arguing in this state is about as much use as arguing drunk, so give yourself time to calm down. Going out for a coffee is a great way to give yourself space and time to think.

4 You Are Just like Your Mum

Yeah, this isn’t a good idea. Not only is it insulting to his mum, which is never a great idea, but he’ll automatically defend her because he’s feeling vulnerable. So even if you were discussing how much she nags/what a control freak he is just a few days ago, he won’t agree now. Keep the personal insults out, and instead either zip it or tell him that he’s being controlling/nagging.

5 You Are Always Late

This is accusatory, and implies that you don’t think he can change. Which might be true if he’s just stood you up for the fifth time, but won’t help the situation. Tell him that it’s important to you that he shows up on time, and that you feel like you aren’t a priority. Then forget about it and enjoy your night. The next time you are due to meet, use a technique such as texting him a 10 minute warning so you can be sure he’ll be on time.

6 Why Are You Mad?

Don’t push people who aren’t ready to talk. There could be a really good reason why they aren’t sharing – usually that they know they are being unreasonable and need to calm down, or that they’ve had news that they need to process on their own before they discuss it. Make it clear that you are there to talk if he wants to, and leave it. Then don’t be tempted to mention it again when he is back to normal. You don’t want to start it again!

7 This is All Your Fault

Don’t apportion blame. Not only does it not do anything for anyone’s mood, but it’s a dangerous game to start playing. After all, we are all wrong at some point! If you just feel like lashing out, zip it and try to distract yourself instead. If you actually think he ignores your point of view, explain that it doesn’t feel like he listened to you. You want to create a constructive conversation, not start a war. It’s definitely one of those things you shouldn’t say in an argument, ever.

8 You're Just like My Ex

When you are in the heat of an argument, you might feel like bringing up your ex is a good idea, so that your current partner knows what not to do. Don't. This is a huge mistake all around and it could make the disagreement that much more hurtful!

9 This Talk is Lasting Too Long

While you might feel like your partner should be done talking, sometimes they need a bit more time. Let them have it! Never mention that this isn't a good time for a fight or that they should have made their point an hour ago. It only makes the wounds feel deeper.

10 I'm Sick of You

This is a huge one that can really hurt! Whether you really are feeling it or you just don't want to discuss the fight at that time, don't say this. This is hard to hear and it's hard to take back.

11 Any Comparison to Your Parents' Relationship

While you might think that your parents have never, ever fought in their life, your partner doesn't need you to compare your relationship to theirs. Your parents probably fought when you weren't around -- keep that in mind and don't compare your relationship to what your parents have.

12 Black & White Views

Your partner probably is not 'always' this or 'always' that, keep that in mind. Don't use words like 'always,' 'never' and 'ever.' These are things that are really hard to take back and truthfully, they hurt!

13 I Hate You

Finally, even though fighting is not great and you might not want to deal with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you don't need to tell them that you hate them. It's hard to hear that and so, so painful.

Arguing isn’t fun. If you find yourself constantly arguing or feeling worn down, it might be time to reassess the relationship. If it’s occasional, though, just avoid these things you shouldn’t say in an argument, and take deep breaths until it’s over. Clearing the air can be hugely valuable! Have you ever muttered anything you wish you could take back during an argument? Let me know!

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