Have you ever wished that you could make a break up easier? It’s no secret that they suck. Whether the relationship was already dead or one person thought it was going okay, breaking up is tense and emotional, and generally rather rubbish. There are a few things you can do to make a break up easier on both of you, though, and boost your chances of a clean, happy split.
This is especially relevant if you’ve just been broken up with, and you weren’t expecting it. Relationship endings hurt. It can feel like your world will never recover, and the rug has been ripped out from under you. Try to keep calm, though, and resist the urge to lash out. Telling your partner you hate them, never loved them or wish you hadn’t met them won’t be productive, and isn’t very honest. And while you might not care what they think, your own recovery will be much slower if you aren’t being honest with yourself. Fight the urge to lash out, and you’ll make a break up easier by far.
If it’s over, it’s over. Be sure before you initiate the conversation, and don’t pay any attention to niggly doubts. Change is scary, and it’s natural to try and leave your options open! Avoid asking to stay friends, or vaguely saying you need space or time. Not only can these give your partner false hope, which isn’t fair on either of you, but they can make things awkward. If you can be friends in the future, you will be. You can’t be now.
It might seem natural to withdraw after you’ve broken up, but it’s actually better to do it first. Maintain some distance between you and your partner for three days or so before the break up, and you’ll gain some emotional distance, strength and allow your partner to subconsciously prepare themselves emotionally. You don’t need to be mean – just be busy.
It sounds very cold to be prepared, but you need to know what you are trying to say, and how you will say it. If you don’t plan, your words will come out a mess, and you’ll hurt everyone more. Your partner will be shocked. They’ll also be hurt, and ready to jump on anything to blame. Your speech doesn’t have to be long. It just needs to be understanding, sympathetic and confident.
With so many ways to communicate, it can be tough to bring yourself to tell your partner face to face. You’ll probably be able to convince yourself that they’d prefer an email, text or phone call, so that they can be on their own. It’s not true. Unless violence has been an issue, it’s always better to do it face to face. You owe them that. Go ready, with your speech, make sure you’ve got somewhere to go afterwards, and avoid any intimate physical contact. It’ll be okay.
Staying in the same house together after a break up will hurt. Emotions are everywhere, people are hurt, there are memories in every room. Move out, or get him to. Don’t be tempted to try staying in the same house, or it’ll be painfully awkward, and as that hurt turns to anger, you might find that things get broken, or there’s a stream of new bed-partners in your kitchen each morning. It’s just not a good idea. Break up, and move on. It gives the best chance for a smooth break up.
Equally as important as getting away to make a clean break ASAP, you must stay away. That means no visits, no texts, no calls, no voicemails, no love notes, no Facebook messages, no Tweeting. Don’t tell them you miss them, or ask how they are getting on, or inquire as to where your hairdryer is. Don’t quiz mutual friends on how they are getting on, either. Leave it be. You might be curious, and you probably will miss them, but in reality, it’s best all round to stop all communications. It really will make a break up easier.
The last thing to remember is that it is always tougher on the person who's just been dumped. They’ll be shocked, upset, and probably still madly in love. They’ll want closure, at the very least, and might try to talk you round. It can be a good idea to avoid places they are likely to be, keep any communications to an absolute minimum and withdraw for a bit, until the hurt eases. Have you got a way to make a break up easier? I’d love to hear it.