Are you looking for ways to spice up your sex life? There are times in a relationship when the excitement dies down a little. You may feel that you are going through the motions, and each day of being together becomes more and more mundane. The worst part about this feeling is when it finds its way into your bedroom. That's why you need to find ways to spice up your sex life.
Sex is seen as an expression of love (or lust) by many, and when it is done right can be an absolutely amazing experience overflowing with passion, intimacy, and desire. When you have been with the same partner for some time you expect to learn and grow with him in every aspect of life, but sometimes the aspect that’s supposed to be the deepest and most fun becomes nothing more than a chore. What’s even worse is when you or your partner are no longer into it at all. It becomes more of doing something the other person wants, rather than being a part of an experience you both enjoy. At this point, things go downhill and typically aren’t resolved in the best way. In some cases insecurities increase drastically, arguments tend to brew more easily, a partner may begin seeing someone else, and ultimately the relationship ends.
I’m not saying that sex is everything to a relationship, but when expressing your love for someone in one of the most intimate way possible, the last thing you want is to feel rejected or unwanted. If you are beginning to loathe sex with your partner, or feel that sex with you has become less desirable by your partner...I’m here to help. The issue may not be you at all, it may be the sex itself.
So to avoid situations like those above, I have listed 5 ways to help spice up your sex life with your partner.
Table of contents:
- be sporadic
- watch porn together
- be the instigator
1 Be Sporadic
Sometimes the issue is not the sex itself, but how often it happens. There are married couples that I have spoken to that have sex once every two weeks on the same day. Not only do I believe scheduling your sex takes away from the passion, but suppressing a desire for a partner until a certain date and time can make the sex less desirable. I’ve never heard someone do something in the “heat of the moment” on schedule. It makes no sense, and neither does scheduling when to be passionate with your partner. Also, don’t limit yourself, your partner (or yourself) may be good to go 3 or 4 days in a row. If you feel it, and you’re in the mood...go for it! That's one of the best ways to spice up your sex life.
This may seem like complete nonsense as a suggestion, but it’s not. Relationships are truly about honest and continuous communication. The easiest way to identify an issue is to get the information from a first-hand source...your partner. Communication on this level can be difficult because we always want to protect the feelings of the ones we care for, but that won’t get you any closer to a solution. Maybe you aren’t having sex often enough, maybe the things you are into are too wild or too tamed, maybe you or your partner would like to set the mood first, or maybe they want to try something new. Communication about sex, and especially unenjoyable sex, can be uncomfortable and emotional, but nothing will change unless it is done. So don’t be afraid to ask your partner how they feel and what they want to be done differently, and more importantly, be prepared to share that information as well.
You ever thought that maybe it’s the bedrooms fault? It sounds strange, but it is possible. In 2013, BBC reported in “ How Travel Can Improve Your Sex Life” that couples that travel together have a better sex life than those who don’t. 83% of the couples they surveyed said their romance was still alive, and 73% of those same couples said it was inspired by their travels. In short, get on a train, plane, or boat and have sex in a bed that’s not yours every now and again.
4 Watch Porn Together
This may not begin as the most romantic or comfortable idea in the beginning, but it has a great purpose. The best way to find out what your partner truly desires is to see what turns them on in pornography.
For partners who may be a little on the insecure side, there is something important to remember here IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PERSON IN THE VIDEO, IT’S ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON. There are some who believe that the idea is simple, your partner wants to be with someone that looks like the porn star of their dreams...that’s rarely the case and not the main point. The point of this is to see what gets your partner in the mood and how some of those things can be brought into the bedroom.
Remember the difficulty in communicating? Well, this concept may get you more answers than you received from just asking. They may want to bring toys into the bedroom and not know how to communicate that. They may desire dressing up for you or would like for you to dress up for them. Sometimes the desire to bring another person into the bedroom may pop up as well. Just remember, when communicating and finding out what you and your partner desire, there is NO JUDGING. This can be a very exposing process, and it takes a lot to share these desires. Make sure there is an understanding between you and your partner that no matter what the desire may be, that it won't change your love for one another.
5 Be the Instigator
When you have sex with your partner, who usually starts it? If the answer is “my partner” or “I’m not sure, it just happens” this suggestion is for you. Sometimes initiating sex can be much harder than you believe. Yes, this person is your partner, but the fear of rejection is still in the atmosphere. Nothing makes you feel more undesirable than pulling out all the stops to hear “I’m not in the mood”. There is nothing wrong with not feeling it, or not wanting to have sex when your partner does, but when he is rejected, he is often deterred from trying as often.
Sometimes not having to initiate anything at all makes you feel even more desirable, the feeling of being wanted is huge in a relationship, even when sex isn’t involved. I had a discussion with a few of my male and female friends who were quite unhappy with their sex lives, they all had the exact same reason, and none of them stated “I want more sex” as the number 1 issue. They all said, “I want to feel wanted, just like them”.
They broke down how they were always the ones setting the mood, buying small gifts, leaving love letters, and also initiating sex. Two of the people I spoke to even talked about how men or women outside of their relationship seemed to take more interest in them than their current partners. Sometimes all you have to do to spice things up is do it first and stop waiting for things to happen to you.
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