Are you wondering how to cope when you run into your ex at a party? With the holidays approaching there will be plenty of parties to attend. There’s even a good chance you’ll run into your ex at one of these functions. Like any breakup, you’ll be forced to share time with the kids or with mutual friends, and may end up sharing the same space. Here's how to cope when you run into your ex at a party.
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1. Mentally and Emotionally Prepare
I’m going to assume you have some great friends that have your best interests in mind and will give you a heads up if your ex will be at the Friendsgiving brunch. This notice gives you the opportunity to mentally and emotionally prepare to see the dreaded, or not so dreaded, ex. Here’s your chance to evaluate the breakup as a whole. Was it mutual? Did it end on good terms? Bad terms? Are you really over the relationship? Will being around him be awkward for you? I’m never one to advocate against going to a gathering because someone you’re at odds with will be present, but if you think it’s really going to affect you, then I’ll advise against it. Just this once. Now, if the relationship fizzled into nothingness or ended badly and you just don’t care, you still need to prepare yourself to see him and that's one of the best answers for how to cope when you run into your ex at a party.
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Reflect on your emotions and remind yourself of the person you are now, apart from that past relationship. Take deep breaths, practice some mindfulness or meditation techniques before the event to center yourself. Consider reaching out to a confidante to express your nerves; it's always comforting to have a friend who understands the complexity of your feelings. Most importantly, remember: this situation is temporary, and your presence at the party is to enjoy the company of other friends—not to rekindle old flames or stew in past regrets. Your composure is your power.
2. Don’t Get Too Drunk
I wholeheartedly encourage you to have a drink before you go to the party. A little liquor in your system beforehand will allow you to feel a touch relaxed and loosen you up a bit. Keep the liquor consumption before the party to one drink. I say this because liquor will remind you that you’re really not over the relationship or something that happened during your courtship. You think you’ve moved past the anger and the hurt you felt during a mishap and BAM, lady vodka whispers in your ear, then speaks on your behalf. Now you’re THAT girl. The one being emotional and irrational. So keep it cute.
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Remember, when the glasses start clinking, it's best to treat them with a hint of skepticism. Stick to a sip, not a sprint, because your self-control is the sexiest thing you can wear. A second drink might start to distort your discretion, making you more vulnerable to unleashing a Pandora's box of mixed emotions. You want to be the queen of composure, not the damsel in distress. So, darling, flirt with the cocktail, but don't fall head over heels—it's a party, not a pity parade. Keep that sparkle in your eye, not just your glass!
Frequently asked questions
Stay calm and take a deep breath. You don't need to make a big deal out of it. Just be your fabulous self and enjoy the party with your friends.
Sure, if you feel comfortable. Just keep things light and friendly. No need to bring up the past or get into deep conversations. Remember, it's a party!
It's totally normal to feel a mix of emotions. Find a trusted friend to chat with or take a break outside. Your feelings are valid, so don't be hard on yourself.
If you think you can handle it without too much stress, go for it! Just have a game plan and maybe bring a supportive friend. But if it feels too overwhelming, it's okay to skip the party.
Focus on the people around you and keep the conversation flowing. Stay positive and avoid bringing up old issues. Kill any awkwardness with kindness and confidence!
3. Talk
You’ve arrived at the party looking your very best. You greet your friends and grab a drink from the kitchen, then you see him and make eye contact. You only have a split second to make a decision on what to do. Your options are: pretend you didn’t see him and exit the kitchen stage left or walk up to him with a smile and say "hi." Let’s be adults and go with the second option (that is if he doesn’t approach you first). Things are always more awkward when you pretend like he doesn’t exist. And keep it brief. In reality, you both probably really don’t care what’s going on with the other, so there’s no sense in forcing a more meaningful conversation beyond formalities.
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Remember to keep your composure. Even if your heart is racing a hundred miles an hour, exude the calm, collected charm that you're known for. The brief chat can range from a quick update on mutual interests to an upbeat comment on the party — nothing too personal or emotionally charged. A touch of humor can ease the tension, but tread that line carefully to avoid awkwardness. And whatever you do, avoid discussing the breakup or any lingering ‘what ifs’. Keep it graceful, like the queen you are! After all, this isn't a rom-com—it's real life moving forward.
4. Act Natural, Neutral, and Unphased
Act natural when you do speak. I don’t care if he’s the antichrist himself, stay cool, calm, and collected. Listen, the best way to get under someone’s skin or intrigue him is to be unphased by him. After short pleasantries, you can actually enjoy the party. You won’t be concerned with whether he sees you or if you’ll have to talk to him. You can move on with your life without giving him a second thought.
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When you converse, keep your tone friendly but detached—like you're discussing the weather with a distant acquaintance. If he tries to initiate a more intimate conversation or reminisce, steer the topic back to something neutral. Remember, maintaining a casual composure is your emotional armor in this situation. Smile politely, make an excuse (if you need one), and glide away to mingle with other guests. Your ease in handling the encounter will leave you feeling empowered and, quite possibly, leave him wondering about the cool, poised woman he just interacted with.
5. Don’t Go Home with Him
I repeat, don’t go home with him! Enough said. As the night progresses, the two of you may cross paths again at the party. Liquor has been flowing all night and now you’re feeling friendly. You two may even have a more meaningful conversation and the wheels in your brain start turning. It’s a trap. I don’t care how interesting the conversations is, I don’t care how fine he looks, I don’t care how awesome the chemistry is, and I don’t care how good the sex was. Do NOT go home with him. Try to keep in mind that you are exes for a reason and it’s best you remember that reason. You’re worth more than playing booty call to someone you used to call your boyfriend.
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