Freud famously called the female sexuality “the dark continent.” If that is true, then the male sexuality would be the dark planet. After all, men aren’t at all simple when it comes to sex. The bedroom has become a stage for male performance, so what you hear from them is just the role, not the reality. The following ten facts come straight from experts and men that you probably want to know.
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1. Men Respond to Praise
Women tend to believe that men are so consumed by their libido that they aren’t self-conscious when it comes to sex. But truthfully, men aren’t any different than women when it comes to being moved by compliments. Any praise can be given to them before you hit the bedroom. Tell them how good they look. And give them compliments after. Men worry about things like the size of their belly, measurable organs, hair, and other attributes. Help them out by affirming those sensitivities.
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Compliments can act as powerful confidence boosters, especially in vulnerable situations. Who doesn't enjoy feeling desired? Let your man know his efforts are appreciated and that he's doing things right. This doesn't just apply to his physique—compliments about his sensitivity, kindness, or the way he makes you feel can strengthen your intimacy. Everyone has insecurities, and a well-placed compliment can truly make them feel special and close to you. Affirmation is a form of encouragement, so be generous with your words—they are, after all, free.
2. Men Fear Intimacy…
… but not how you think. Studies have found that boys tend to be more expressive and affectionate than girls until they hit school age. Social repression then begins, and their desire for connection is driven underground. This makes their desire for intimacy taboo. For a woman, try to understand that your man’s hasty retreat after sex could be his own shock at the amount of connection he craves. Allow yourself to retreat and give him time to see that his desires are fine.
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The fear of vulnerability that many men face can also manifest during intimacy. Due to societal pressures, men might struggle to combine emotional closeness with sexual activity, leaving them feeling exposed. Though it may seem as though he's disinterested post-intimacy, the opposite could be true; he might be processing the depth of the encounter. It's crucial for partners to communicate and offer assurance that this openness is not only acceptable but welcomed. Understanding and patience can help bridge the gap between emotional and physical intimacy, creating a more fulfilling connection for both.
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3. They like Sex for Sex’s Sake
Even though men do want intimacy, they also enjoy the occasionally “throw-me-down sex.” Joe Kort, PhD, a sexologist and psychotherapist, said that “Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it’s not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her.” So let him ravish you from time to time.
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Many women might worry it’s about objectification, but that’s usually not the case. The desire for this kind of passionate, uninhibited intimacy is a way men often express their attraction and desire. It's a form of escapism and fantasy that can add an exciting dimension to a relationship. Sharing such experiences can heighten the emotional bond, too. It's all about the thrilling spontaneity and the intense connection that can come with being utterly swept up in the moment together. Remember, it’s okay to let loose and explore this side of your sexual relationship—it can be liberating for both partners.
4. Men Aren’t Just Their …
The man’s penis tends to get all of the attention, but they actually have other erogenous zones, according to Melodie Schaefer, PsyD, a psychologist. Most men won’t correct women because they are afraid that women will end up shutting and not touching them. But there are plenty of spaces a woman should touch. Touching the face, inner thighs, and chest is great. There are also two more sexual places as well. Once is gripping their testicles. This is a turn on because it blends control with release. Stimulating the perineum, which is the space between the anus and scrotum, will increase their pleasure during oral sex.
5. Men like Fantasies
According to Dr. Kort men are interested in sharing their fantasies with their girlfriends and wives, but they are afraid they will be judged. Dr. Schaefer says that men also wish that women would share their fantasies. You can try making this a game. First off, promise each other not to judge. Write out scenarios that you desire and put them in a box. When you are getting busy, pull one out. If you are both okay with it, try it out.
6. Men like It when Women Talk
Talking will stimulate more than their ears. Instructive, dirty, and praising talk are all great starts. As amusing as it may seem, a woman’s words have raised a man’s virility.
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A woman's voice can be an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac. When she articulates her desires, fantasies, or even her appreciation for her partner, it creates a dynamic of openness and vulnerability. This fosters a deeper level of intimacy. It's not just about the content of the conversation, but also the confidence and connection it builds. Listening to her can be as arousing as touching, because it shows she trusts her partner enough to share her innermost thoughts. It's this sharing of the mind that often leads to an even more passionate and connected physical experience. So, ladies, never underestimate the power of speaking your mind.
7. Men Want Honesty
Sex may be able to burn stress, but it can cause stress. If men start complaining about sex, then they could be overlooking serious issues. You have to enlighten them. A man’s ego is often connected to sex, so it’s easy for them to blame bedroom problems on women instead of something to do with them. Avoiding the problems will only cause more frustration.
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Men desire genuine connection and communication, particularly when it comes to intimate matters. It's important for women to approach the conversation with sensitivity but also with candor. Expressing your desires and concerns without judgment can help him understand that improving your shared sexual experience is a team effort. Remember, true intimacy is built on trust and openness, so by being forthright and compassionate, you're fostering a deeper bond, both emotionally and physically. Your honesty can encourage him to be equally open, leading to a healthier and more fulfilling sexual relationship.
8. Men like the Dance
Men like to take on a quest. Let them court you and make them deserve your desire. According to Dr. Kort, “Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance.” How can you strike this balance? Let you and your partner have separate sexuality. This means a sexual life that doesn’t include but also doesn’t betray, the other person. You could allow him to watch pornography, and he could allow you to use toys.
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Men thrive on a bit of mystery and the thrill of the chase, something that keeps the flame of desire alive. Treasure your autonomy and let him admire it. This individuality adds an alluring layer of complexity to your sexual dynamic. Remember, creating a slight separation in your intimate lives doesn't equate to emotional disconnection, but rather to a tantalizing space where attraction can grow. Mutual respect for personal erotic space enhances connectivity, teasing curiosity and longing into the equation of your shared intimacy.
9. Men Can Explain Pornography
One of the main reasons a couple enters counseling is because one of them uses porn. But it’s not something that needs to be overreacted to. Let’s clear up a few facts: (1) Sex addicts are only four percent of the population, so your guy probably doesn’t have a problem, (2)Since what happens during childhood influences sexuality as an adult, people are idiosyncratic about the things that turn them on. This is why a woman can’t be everything to a man. If your man uses porn, don’t overreact but decide whether or not he uses it compulsively or can only have sex with porn. If this is the case, seek counseling. If it isn’t, discuss it with him. Ask him why it turns him on. This way you create a dialogue for closeness, honesty, dignity.
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Understanding the role of pornography in your man's life requires an open conversation, not judgment. It's crucial to assess whether his usage is habitual or occasional. Importantly, knowing that it doesn't reflect inadequacy on your part is essential; it's often just a facet of his sexuality. Engage with him on what he finds appealing, and how you both can explore new dimensions of intimacy. Supportive dialogue can enhance trust and foster a robust sexual connection that works for you both. If concerns persist, professionals can offer guidance for a balanced relationship.
10. They Need It, but Not Why Everybody Thinks
Men have been labeled as sexually insatiable, but that’s not necessarily true. Men view sex as a celebration. Men wish that women would take a carpe diem approach to sex. Sex gives them opportunities, joys, and pleasure that everyday life may not.
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