There are many changes that happen to us after we turn 50. The biggest changes are the ones that people don’t like to talk about and these relate to sex. As the mind and body changes and matures, the relationship to sex will change, too. This was my case. In my young days, my experiences with sex were just purely physical expressions of love, passion, or lust.
Aging has brought about many physical changes and to my surprise I realized that these changes have had some effect on the ability for me to enjoy sex as I have aged. The reason for that is how I view sex. It has evolved from being purely physical into something more spiritual, intimate, and personal. Sex’s physicality now takes a back seat because it feels so much better when you can make a connection with your partner and be completely present during intimate moments.
Being completely in the moment can give you the ability to enjoy sex as you age.
You just have to let go of old judgments and be willing to try different things to help with the natural emotional and physical changes that happen with aging. It is going to take some trial and error and some courage to move outside the comfort zone to give your sex life a boost. This exploration process could be powerful and sexy if you can approach it with vulnerability and patience.
1. Go with the Flow
Physical changes that come with aging can affect the kind and amount of sex that you enjoy. There are ways around these changes if you are willing to try new methods. Most postmenopausal women say that sex is painful and this is because to thinning vaginal tissue and vaginal dryness created by estrogen levels being lower.
The best way to help this natural side effect is with good lubricant. Using lube is inexpensive and simple. It’s a great way to make sex feel good again. Just learn to make lube a regular part of sex. Find sexy and playful ways to apply it to each other to make the experience more enjoyable for both parties.
You could talk to your gynecologist or family practitioner about hormone replacement therapy and estrogen creams. Either option can help with vaginal dryness. They could even increase your mental and physical desire for sex.
Changes in your diet could also make a difference in the bedroom for women over 50. Eating plant-based foods containing phytoestrogens could help you raise your estrogen levels. Here is a list of these foods:
Seeds: sesame and flax seeds
Fruit: peaches, strawberries, oranges, apricots
Veggies: celery, kale, alfalfa sprouts, carrots, yams
Soy products: soy yogurt, miso soup, tofu
Dark rye bread
Legumes: pinto beans, peas, lentils
Olive oil and olives
2. Out with Quickies; in with Slow Burn
For women and men both, another strategy for keeping sex enjoyable is experimenting with different types and prolonged physical touch. This is especially true if you are trying to rekindle your sexual desire after a dry spell.
As we get older, our sexual preferences and need change. The way we like to be touched, where we liked to be touched, and who we would like to touch us can change. Let these changes give you the opportunity to explore. Make a date with your partner or yourself and rediscover the way your body responds. Find a private relaxed setting and spend a long time sensually touching without any goals except to feel the sensation of pleasure. DO NOT go straight for the genitals. Explore the entire body. You might even discover new erogenous zones. Use different types of touch: circling, stroking, firm, light, fast, and slow. If it feels good, have an orgasm but don’t pressure yourself too much. Just enjoy figuring out what feels great.
3. Embrace the Changes of Your Sexual Desire
Let’s look back where we started and think about the main thing you can do to help your relationship with sex and that is changing your mindset. Once you can free yourself from what you expect as based on what others think or from your past, you will be able to empower your happiness. This process will be different for every couple and every person. What you can try could range from spending time cuddling more or trying new techniques and positions. Please be honest and open with your partner and yourself about what you are feeling whether it feels good or not. Let them know if your sexual interests have changed.
The more you can practice accepting things as they are. The more you can take the pressure off of your partner and yourself when responding or performing a certain way while having sex, the more satisfying and deeper your sexual experience will be.