All Women's Talk

7 Points to Consider if Your Partner Wants to Get Married and You Don't ...

By Alison

If your partner wants to get married but you're not so thrilled by the idea, it can create a lot of problems within the relationship. It's a popular misconception that women are desperate to get a ring on their finger, while men are reluctant to tie themselves down. Yet sometimes it's the other way round. So how do you handle the situation if your partner wants to get married and you don't?

1 Don't Let Yourself Be Persuaded

If your partner wants to get married, don't allow yourself to be talked into agreeing if you have doubts about it. When one partner really likes the idea, but the other is less keen, giving in to make them happy won't create a successful relationship. Both partners need to be completely committed to marriage, and it's not for everyone.

2 Be Honest

You might not want to tell your partner how you feel about marriage if you see how much it means to them. But hiding how you feel could encourage them to think that you are as keen as they are, and you should never go through with a wedding or even agree to get married if you're not truly committed to the idea. It's far better to talk to your partner about how you feel.

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3 It's Not for You

Marriage isn't for everyone, and unfortunately sometimes people who aren't into the concept fall in love with people who are. If you have fundamental objections to marriage or simply don't feel that it's for you, that's not likely to change. That's something that your partner will have to accept if they want to stay with you.

4 Unmarried Relationships Last

Marriage is often touted as being the glue that holds a couple together. Yet we all know couples whose marriage lasted a very short time, and I'm not referring to celebrities like Kim Kardashian and her two-month union. Some marriages break up after a few years or less, while some unmarried relationships last for decades. So getting married doesn't guarantee anything.

5 What Matters More?

If the relationship is a good one you should be able to discuss your feelings freely with your partner. Ask them to consider what matters more - getting married, or being with you. As much as they would like to be married, their conclusion may be that they would rather have an unmarried relationship with you.

6 Alternatives

Your partner may feel concerned that not being married means that they don't have legal rights, such as regarding children. These concerns may be dealt with if you look at alternatives to getting married. For example, a lawyer may be able to draw up legal documents to protect you both. Or, depending on where you live, you could register as an official couple.

7 Be Prepared to Let Him Go

If marriage really does mean that much to your partner, you may be faced with a tough decision. Either you go ahead and get married, or you have the option of ending the relationship. However much you love each other, this difference may be too great for it to last.

Having very different views on marriage can present considerable difficulties for a couple, especially if these views have a religious or cultural basis. Only the two of you can decide what to do. You may feel ultimately that you can cope with being married, even if you'd prefer not to be. Did you ever find yourself disagreeing over marriage, and how did it turn out?

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