8 Relationship Tips I've Learned from Desperate Housewives ...

1. Cute Guys Kill the Girl Code

The best relationship tips extend far beyond a potential significant other – they have to do with your friends, too. You probably try to steer clear of your friends' exes, right? But there's no need! Edie and Susan played tug-of-war with Mike, Bree had an affair with Susan's ex-husband Karl, Katherine took her turn with Mike … the list goes on and on. Forget about girl code! If he's cute, just go for it – and if your friends get mad, just ignore it for a while. Everything will clear up in a few weeks or so.

2. Cheating Strengthens Relationships

If you've ever been in a relationship, you've no doubt received the relationship tip that you should not cheat, the end. It's far better to end things if you know you'd rather be with someone else, right? However, if you live on Wisteria Lane, cheating is more than just perfectly acceptable, it actually strengthens your relationship! Whether you're simply dating or actually married, you can mess around as much as you like while feeling secure in the knowledge that it will probably make things even better. Just ask Gabby! After driving her husband to heights of insane, violent jealousy (more on that in a minute), her tryst with her young, hot gardener ended up making things better – after a fashion, anyway.

3. Blackmailing is Okay for Love

Gabby is also the queen of blackmail, but it's okay, because it's for love. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not hating on Gabby. Lots of desperate housewives and househusbands believe in blackmail to get what – and who – they want. Orson did it to Bree, after all, and there have been all kinds of scenarios involving low grade blackmail, all for the good of true love.

4. Babies save Marriages

In a sane, rational world, one of the most enduring relationship tips involves the idea that you should never, ever use children to fix an ailing relationship. Once again, however, Wisteria Lane makes up its own rules, and new babies always help! Some of the scenarios on the show made sense, though – it's admirable when two parents try to make things better for the sake of their children. Then there are those cases where babies are also used as blackmail or manipulation tactics, yet somehow, it works … for a little while, at least.

5. Stalking for Love is Totally Acceptable

Looking for some relationship advice that will help you win back the object of your affections? It's simple: just go stalking! I can't think of a single character who hasn't stalked someone at least a little, and it's usually for love. Even Zach Young did it, to Gabby among many others. Zach was kind of creepy, yeah? Not only do characters stalk each other all the time, but it usually works out in the end. For instance, Gabby did indeed go out with Zach. Countless others did the same, so it should work, right?

6. Play Dumb, Get Guys

Susan – Bremmer, Mayer, Delfino, whatever you want to call her – is my most hated character for a number of reasons. Mainly they have to do with the fact that I read way too much into the show and find her vapid, self absorbed, borderline narcissistic, and a perpetual victim. Ahem! However, week after week, season after season, she taught viewers a very valuable lesson: if you act dumb, naive, and “charmingly” clumsy, you'll have guys falling all over you. Even ridiculously hot ones, like Gale Harold. What's not to love?

7. Jealousy is Really Sexy

Actually, jealousy is kind of sexy – in its place. Of course, valuable relationship tips teach us to watch out for really jealous partners, because that rarely comes to anything good. In contrast, the desperate housewives themselves teach us that jealousy, in addition to being super sexy, equals love. If a guy or girl loves you, really loves you, he or she exhibits manic, crazy jealousy and does ridiculous things to get you back or make you notice him or her again. That couldn't possibly go wrong in real life.

8. Cheating is Relative

The show is filled with lots of incredibly passionate relationships, and there are some honestly admirable examples as well – couples who clearly really love each other and try to work through their problems. However, there are also a lot of really surprising love tips – like the idea that cheating is relative. If you're really drunk, for example, or you just kiss someone else, don't worry about it! You didn't do anything wrong! Again, just wait a few weeks, it'll probably work itself out, especially if you maintain the defense that it totally wasn't your fault at all and it's completely ridiculous to be mad at you.

Yes, it's true: these particular relationship tips are totally tongue in cheek! Desperate Housewives represented many things, but disloyalty and dysfunction ranked up there pretty high. Hey, drama sells, plus it's way more entertaining! Seriously, though, dysfunctional or not, I'll miss the show – I got way too much enjoyment out of talking smack about Susan, and I'll admit that I sometimes try to emulate Bree's homemaking skills and fashion sense, albeit not her philosophies. In your opinion, which TV shows and movies unintentionally offer the absolute worst relationship advice?

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