Dealing with your boyfriend's ex can be extremely annoying. Since most of us have a past, it's necessary to face the fact that exes do exist. However, some of them do seem to be only too keen to remind you of the fact that they exist; perhaps she calls him a lot, or they're friends on Facebook. Whenever problems arise, try these tips on dealing with your boyfriend's ex …
One of the best tactics for dealing with your boyfriend's ex can be to simply ignore her behavior. She may be jealous that he's now with you and has moved on, especially if she hasn’t found a new partner. If you respond, she knows that she's getting to you and will carry on. On the other hand, if you take no notice she may stop.
You have every right to expect that your boyfriend shows respect for you, and that includes not allowing his ex to cause problems. He should make it clear that he won't tolerate any disrespect towards you. If he allows her to get away with causing difficulties between you, you should question whether he is committed to a relationship with you.
Exes aren't always malicious, and if they have friends in common, it's often unavoidable that they will bump into each other. So negotiate with your boyfriend and find the amount of contact that you're happy for him to have with his ex. For example, it's ok for him to see her in a crowd, but not to have cosy lunch-dates alone. And private texts or chats may well be unacceptable.
One type of annoying ex is the woman who still turns to her ex whenever she has a problem, be it practical or emotional. She'll call in the middle of the night because her plumbing's burst or she's locked herself out of the house, and her dramas are often invented as a way of getting his attention. Point out to your boyfriend that he's not her savior and doesn't need to ride to her rescue. She can call a plumber or locksmith.
Some exes are best handled by treating them in a friendly manner. You may not actually want to be friends with her, but civility doesn't hurt. This may also disarm any exes who set out to be hostile. So be polite to her if you meet. She may soon find someone new and stop bothering you.
Your boyfriend's ex may be a thorn in your side, but try not to let her behavior or comments bother you. You may find that you're less bothered by her if you see her as someone to feel sorry for. After all, you're the one who's in a happy relationship! Definitely don't let her see that she's getting to you, or she'll probably continue.
Finally, unless your boyfriend gives you reason not to feel confident then you should trust him. He's with you, not her, and if your relationship is secure then she can't come between you. If you can't trust him then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him.
Exes can be annoying, but it's relatively rare for them to set out to ruin your relationship. Most recognise that they split up for a reason. If you find that your boyfriend's ex makes you feel annoyed, ask yourself if she really is causing a problem. Perhaps you just need to relax and trust him. Have you ever had to deal with a "bunny boiler" ex of your boyfriend's?
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