Losing your first love is no easy situation. I know, we’ve all probably had this happen to us, since it is rare most people end up marrying their first love. Losing your first love is not the end of the world, and there is a lot you can learn about losing that first special person in your life. Losing my first love was certainly not a walk in the park, but it taught me several things about myself and love in general that I think are important. Keep these tips below in mind if you’re struggling with losing your first love.
1. You Are Still Worthy
Losing your first love can cause a lot of insecurity within, and it can make us want to shy away from relationships for a while. Remember that just because you lost your first love doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love. If the breakup was your fault and you feel a need to make amends, so be it. If it wasn’t your fault, however, remember that it doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy enough to have made the relationship work. You need to keep all this in mind so it doesn’t cause you to start believing lies about yourself, or what relationships you deserve to have in life.
2. People Change
This is one of the hardest things to learn about losing your first love. People just change - plain and simple. What we were a year ago, is not who we’ll be tomorrow. Life changes us, and sometimes that means we go in separate directions than we intended to, even in relationships. Just because you’re spending your time with someone doesn’t mean that you aren’t changing and they aren’t changing. Sometimes changes lead to breakups and sometimes not, but remember when losing a relationship, change is inevitable and will always be something you have to deal with.
3. The Pain Does Subside
I know when you first lose your first love, you feel like the world is ending and you just can’t bear to move on. Nothing is right, and everything is bleak, depressing and stagnant. We’ve all been there, and I’m here to tell you that the world does keep turning and the pain does subside. Get a hobby, do more things with your great group of friends, make more new friends, and don’t lay around on the couch drowning your sorrows. The pain goes away much faster if you don’t!
4. It Makes You Independent
First loves are an amazing gift. I wouldn’t take mine for anything, but I also wouldn’t take the independence I gained afterwards for anything either. I wasn’t confident alone or as a person by myself before I lost my first love. He was so fun to be around, and such a good person in general that I often got lost in the role of his girlfriend, and forgot I had things inside of me that made me my own person. Losing someone makes you independent and it forces you to do things you might not have without someone. For me, that was taking up an interest in fitness for the first time in my life, and finally gaining some sense of self confidence outside of being a girlfriend. For you that might be taking on a new hobby, meeting new friends, or even going to college somewhere different than you planned.
5. It Gives You Time to Clear Your Head
Losing your first love unfortunately gives you more time to yourself and this isn’t good at first because we’re usually sad all the time. Yet, once the initial shock is over, we can start to really take some time to ourselves to allow us to focus and clear our heads. During this time, think about where you’d like to head from here, all the things you can do now that you don’t have someone else to consider, and even think about your future in new ways. Doing this can help you move on and even help the pain subside faster.
6. It Gives You Strength
Ugh, I hate this answer because everyone always says to me, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Have you ever heard that? When you’ve just lost someone, it’s the last thing you want to hear. Trust, me; I get it, but it's also a very true statement. Losing that first special person in my life made me strong in a way I didn’t want at first, but years later I was grateful. I dealt with many things later that would have broken me had I not known how to survive that first intense pain from losing my first love. Though I’m not grateful for pain, I am grateful for the strength it provided to me. Keep that in mind when you’re hurting from losing your first love. You’ll get a sense of strength you never would have asked for, but I promise, you wouldn’t take anything for it years down the road.
7. It Shows You What You Want
Losing your first love is a great way to show you what you really want in life. Maybe you want a relationship like the one you were in, but maybe you don’t. Maybe you want something different, someone different. Losing your first love, or any relationship for that matter, can show you what you really want out of life and love. That’s something we all need to know so we can make the best decisions for our lives in any situation.
If you’ve lost your first love, don’t give up hope on relationships. You may end up great friends later, or maybe not. Either way, losing your first love teaches us things. If you lost that first special someone in your life, what did you learn?