7 Tips to Overcome Possessiveness of the Excessive Kind ...

First on my list of tips to overcome possessiveness is to admit that you have a problem. Give your partner’s complaints a lot of thought, try to think back on your previous relationships/friendships and compare notes. You may discover a disturbing similarity in both past and present issues as well as your past and present behavior. It’s not easy, I know, but you can do it and if you have an honest friend or a family member to help you see things clearly, even better.

Has possessiveness been one of your prominent characteristics since day one and, if not, when did it start coming through? Does it come from a lack of trust? If yes, is there something about your partner that makes him or her look less than trustworthy? Are you afraid that loosening up that short leash might mean your partner will find someone better than you? Why so? These are all the questions you’ll want to ask yourself in order to determine the real source of your concern and change both your person and your relationship for the better.

Low self esteem can make us become possessive, believing that we ought to keep our friends and loved ones close at all times in order to avoid them meeting someone more interesting. The only way to overcome possessiveness in this case is to start thinking positive thoughts and discover all of those things that make you your fabulous self. Because, let’s face it, your friends and your partner didn’t win you in a bet but chose you because you’re great. And you need to start acknowledging that greatness ASAP!

What do you hope to gain with your possessive attitude? And what are you afraid you’ll lose if you loosen up? Now, there’s a good question! I ask myself that same thing whenever I get the feeling that my behavior and feelings are leaning towards possessive and you know what’s the interesting part? Once you go for the rational, unbiased approach, you realize most of the things that sound so logical in your head aren’t as nearly as serious when voiced out.

A good conversation can solve a truckload of problems and is one of those great ways to overcome possessiveness you should definitely take into account once you decide to push this not-so-nice feeling out the door! So, you’ve faced your fears, realized some of them are silly enough not to dwell on any longer, yet there are certainly some you can’t leave aside just yet. Perfect! Talk about it! Try to explain your feelings! A caring partner will try very hard to understand you, I’m sure… and will probably jump at a chance to ease your fears, too!

Allowing you possessiveness to get the best of you really does not benefit your relationship anyhow. It makes people fight when they should be spending their time doing pleasant things and it makes all of those things that should be given freely a bit forced. Your partner should spend time with you because he or she wants to, not because you’ll go berserk otherwise. And, trust me, being 100% sure that you’re wanted will make you feel great.

You’re almost there! Doing your best DIY therapist routine and talking things over with your partner will probably make this final step a lot easier to bear. Not that it’s going to be a piece of cake, mind you, but hey, hey - practice makes it perfect! Make it your mission to act differently, one small victory at a time. You’ll need to remind yourself of the reasons you’re doing it, at first, but things will settle into place soon enough and you may even realize not obsessing with tons of unneeded stuff leaves plenty of room for more pleasant thoughts and actions.

What are your thoughts on possessive partners and relationships in which jealousy or possessiveness play a big role?