Run for your life. The damage to your soul depends on it.

Alyx, I believe we are on the same page. Possibly, I did not communicate effectively before I began discussing how people interacting with those afflicted can often expect their relationship to end. While the criteria in the DSM are different, the association many have with NPD/BPD individuals is quite similar. I didn't clump them together, the professional community has done so when they put both under cluster B in the DSM along with Antisocial Personality Disorder. The first source that came up on google shows the following rates of comorbidity with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Histrionic Personality Disorder 53% Borderline Personality Disorder 47% Paranoid Personality Disorder 36% Avoidant Personality Disorder 36% Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder 28% Antisocial Personality Disorder 16% Remember that with all the possible permutations, BPD can manifest itself in 250+ ways. Therapists often have difficulty identifying in their patients. Misdiagnosis is not uncommon by those working in the field. Certainly you have seen the variety if you will, in the way your father presents and what you have encountered occupationally. My ex for example, is unlike those you will find in the mental ward. She is extremely high functioning, has held a job with a 6-figure income for many years, and appears to have no issues until she encounters events that are stressful for her. She is one of the "invisible" borderlines who will not appear in the healthcare system. Like many of those afflicted with NPD, when life's hurdles inevitably appear, accountability goes out the window. It is not uncommon for those with both disorders to blame/project on to someone else. The partner is left dumbfounded, wondering, "what happened?" I think it is necessary for those of us who have encountered unfortunate souls afflicted with NPD or BPD to reach out and warn those who are unsuspecting exactly what they can expect. I don't wish the inevitable heartache on anyone. I was fortunate that my ex and I were never married. I commend you on your efforts with your father.

Alyx I actually wasn't I was explaining wat my ex had I never once said it was the same thing!!!!!!!!!!! Lol

Run get out!!!

I once had a boyfriend who could not resist admiring and checking out his appearance in even a car wheel cover let alone any mirror he saw. That 's my idea of narcissism ! They just fall in love with themselves!

I agree with most of what you said, but you shouldn't out them to others. My father has BPD, and I have severe depression and anxiety, which is possibly bi polar disorder, (I have to track everything on a calendar for a year to be sure), and I would HATE if someone told people who I only just met. My ex told all his friends about my personal mental health issues, and I told him to stop, but he told everyone, if I took 3 seconds to decide what kind of dinner I wanted, he'd tell the waiter I have severe anxiety and go into detail about what it is. So I left, but we had tons of friends in common and it was incredibly difficult to find someone, I am all for telling my partner, but I want to do it and not have it be a negative thing, which mental illnesses often get stigmatised as. They are not awful, and once you find the person who understands or at least tries to, it can easily work out in a relationship. But if you go into that relationship with the thought that the other person is crazy and is going to be hard to handle, its doomed. After the guy that spilled my life every 5 seconds, I dated a friend who I told, but he had already knew, and he only thought about the horror stories he's heard about "crazy people" in the news, I was doing extremely well at the time, and had everything in my life under control, but he'd ask me if I was depressed if I didn't want to do anything and would (not intentionally in a rude way) threaten to call the hospital and get me committed. But after I met new people, and explained myself how it works and they heard the truth and not exaggerated examples or stories, it worked. I've had two very successful relationships since, one only ended because I don't want children and he did, and I'm in one now with a lovely girl who completely understands, and didn't listen to the stigma around mental health issues. Even if your warning is online and not directed at someone, its still negativity stigmatising mental health disorders. People with BPD and npd can function fully, and even have successful relationships. There's a guy in my hospital who comes in every week for therapy with npd, and he has a wife and a baby on the way, and his whole life he was in committed relationships, and yes, when shit hits the fan he stresses and blames others, but his wife gets that he can't control that, because it's a chemical imbalance in his brain, not something intentional. I may have felt a bit too personal over your response, and I really apologize for that, but I have been on the other side of that "warning" and it made me miserable. You can't take away a chance at a relationship with someone just because (and I don't want this to sound like an attack, because it's hard and there's only a handful of people willing and wanting to do it) that can handle and love people with these types of disorders, but they need to find out themselves, and not have (what could be realistic or exaggerated) negative expectations going into the relationship. It's not always going to fail. But it's like if you get told to try the milk because someone thinks it tastes funny, you're going to taste a funny taste because you were expecting it to be negative. I deal with people with mental health disorders every day, and I've seen professionally and personally how even just a bit of googling can ruin a healthy at least decently happy relationship, and it's horrible for them. So even though you think you're protecting the person going in, you're hurting the person indirectly in something (even those with npd need companionship, even if they aren't happy) crucial to human life, and in what with most cases lead to depression or even suicide unfortunately, even in people who don't feel the need for love, or for those who don't care about others, lack of human companionship is easily the worst thing for any human.

Ugh!!! Kailee's comment bringing back a time of discovery and growth for me. Under the same umbrella as a cluster B personality disorder is Borderline Personality Disorder. While BPD has it's own set of 9 specific criteria, the majority of individuals afflicted with BPD are often comorbid with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As Alyx pointed out, possessing narcissistic traits is not the same as being diagnosed with NPD. We are all narcissistic to some degree. When the degree of narcissism becomes extreme along a spectrum is when it affects relationships adversely. Take heed in the comments from Meta, Kailee, peony blue, alka, Daniboo301, Jojo, Kat, Krenx and El. As you begin to develop a "relationship" with a person who is afflicted with BPD/NPD, you are entering their perception of reality . . . guaranteed to end unlike any interaction you have experienced in the past; totally destructive especially if your romantic interest is high-functioning. Little or no accountability. When difficulty eventually arises, it will be projected back on you. Intoxicating on the front end, when the end rears it's head, it will make no sense to those who think logically. Much like Kailee's description, (roller coaster) it's like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. The person you thought you knew is wearing a mask. It's a childhood defense mechanism that has existed long before you entered their life. It's a facade that will crack when we eventually prove to be human and therefore become "imperfect" and not the person they idealized in the initial stages. You will become totally worthless, devalued overnight in their black-and-white world. You can't change them. Go for the nearest exit, run, and don't look back. Count your blessings if you were able to leave before marriage and children.

Alyx, I appreciate your last post - very well expressed and no, I don't feel like you are attacking me. I went back and re-read my initial comments and I understand that I was misleading without intending to be. Your self reflection about maybe feeling a bit too personal about my response applies to me as well. I made it sound like ALL those afflicted with BPD/NPD will inevitably sabotage their relationships and that certainly is not true. Sharing my experience along with the comments of several on this thread in order to save the inexperienced/uneducated as I was could save wasted time, effort and $ for the therapy necessary on what will frequently (but not always) become a dead-end experience. If the person with either of these disorders is extremely low-functioning, it won't take long to figure out that something is amiss, even if one lacks the experience to identify some of the red flags. If the afflicted has some degree of self-reflection, or is able to look at themselves objectively and ask for professional help, it is possible to sustain a relationship with a partner who has strong boundaries and is able to hang on during the peaks and valleys on the roller coaster ride. The difficulty, (and forgive me for repeating from one of the earlier posts but I will be more specific and more accurate this time) is when one is dealing with a "grandiose" narcissist or a high-functioning borderline. It can be very difficult to detect narcissistic or borderline traits in the early stages of a relationship with people like this. They are extremely charismatic - intoxicating. For many of the "stealth" narcissists the unsuspecting partner is merely a source of supply, filling up the emptiness of the NPD individual. High functioning borderlines often are lacking a sense of self and will present themselves as someone they believe their new partner wants them to be; almost like a chameleon instead of a true self . . . There often isn't one. In my opinion, you did the right thing to move on from your ex who repeatedly disregarded your requests and was bent on sharing something that should have stayed between the two of you. You were forthright in revealing what your were going through. In order for a relationship to achieve a deeper level of intimacy, we can't fear revealing our "warts" to our significant other at the appropriate times. What a partner chooses to do with what they have been entrusted with, we cannot control. That is part of being vulnerable and most unfortunate that he violated your trust. It was best that you moved on.

I just got out of a relationship wit a narcissist I'm as happy as can be now. He pulled me so down. I was so depressed all the time and had no idea why and then I realised it was because of him so advice to girls if ur boyfriend has a narcissistic personality or biopolor and u not happy get out and run.

Wow it's what I'm currently going through now and I want out !!!!im scared ,,,;( he's worse than everything mentioned!!