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7 Undeniably Horrifying Signs You're Dating a Narcissist ...

7 Undeniably Horrifying Signs You're Dating a Narcissist ...

By Melissa • Jul 17, 2020 • MD

If you want to know if you are dating a narcissist, it first helps to really understand what a narcissist is. Narcissism is far more than arrogance and vanity. It is actually a mental condition recognized by psychologists. People with narcissistic personality disorder are characterized as being self-obsessed, dangerously manipulative, charming, and showing a lack of empathy for others. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a perfect date - not!

1. Charming and Confident

Unfortunately, narcissists can be very attractive. I bet if any girl were to name off characteristics of a man she was interested in dating, charm and confidence would rank high on the list. These are also two main traits of a narcissist, making it hard to avoid dating such people.

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2. Large Group of Friends

Popularity is cool. But we have to wonder, are these really friends or are they little minions? Narcissists are interested in just any type of friend. What they really want are people who will look up to them and idolize them. Pay attention to how the one you are dating interacts with their friends. If the friends are constantly stroking his ego, you might be in for trouble.

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3. Lack of Boundaries

It is no secret that a narcissist doesn’t care for rules or limits. They see these things as challenges, not safety precautions. It is likely this behavior will affect relationships too. If you aren’t into someone who will push your limits then walk away now.

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4. History of Bad Breakups

Ask your man about his past relationships. Why did he and his ex break up? What about the one before that? If you start to see a pattern of messy relationships that end with dramatic breakups, you might be dating a narcissist.

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If you're looking to engage your partner in intriguing conversations, why not try some hypothetical questions for couples? These fun queries will not only keep the conversation lively but also stimulate deep thoughts and potentially reveal insights about each other's personality and thought processes.

5. Control Issues

Narcissists like to control everything. I bet that kind of control is draining. They have a plan for everything and don’t deal well when things don’t go as they had hoped. Man, can you imagine raising a family with someone who has extreme control issues? Here’s a secret: babies don’t care about your plans. They have their own and they win.

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6. Lack of Emotions

In general, narcissists lack emotion. They find them to be a sign of weakness. If you are an emotional person, a narcissist will not be able to relate to your feelings on any level and will find your behavior annoying and confusing. Also, because they lack emotions, don’t expect them to care much about how you feel.

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7. OverPowers Conversations

Are you a mute? If you are, this might be a perfect set up for you because you may never get the chance to talk again. However, if you like to have an interactive two-way conversation then forget this guy. He likes to talk about himself too much to care about what you have to say.

These are just some traits of a narcissist. Don’t think you can change these characteristics about a person or that it will get better with time. I promise you it won’t. Forget this man’s charm and move on. There are far better guys to date than a narcissist.

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

Beryl
2015-08-10T07:13:33.213Z
I once had a boyfriend who could not resist admiring and checking out his appearance in even a car wheel cover let alone any mirror he saw. That 's my idea of narcissism ! They just fall in love with themselves!
Ninaxmoe
2016-08-31T01:43:21.179Z
Glenda, Please get out of the situation ASAP.
El
2015-08-10T01:11:03.400Z
Just dumped him- emotionless - sulky if he doesn't get his way - unloving unless in the mood - only does a good turn because he's getting something - lies first even if the truth is a more viable option - pray he's gone for good- really do
JP
2015-08-11T15:16:30.624Z
Alyx, I believe we are on the same page. Possibly, I did not communicate effectively before I began discussing how people interacting with those afflicted can often expect their relationship to end. While the criteria in the DSM are different, the association many have with NPD/BPD individuals is quite similar. I didn't clump them together, the professional community has done so when they put both under cluster B in the DSM along with Antisocial Personality Disorder. The first source that came up on google shows the following rates of comorbidity with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Histrionic Personality Disorder 53% Borderline Personality Disorder 47% Paranoid Personality Disorder 36% Avoidant Personality Disorder 36% Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder 28% Antisocial Personality Disorder 16% Remember that with all the possible permutations, BPD can manifest itself in 250+ ways. Therapists often have difficulty identifying in their patients. Misdiagnosis is not uncommon by those working in the field. Certainly you have seen the variety if you will, in the way your father presents and what you have encountered occupationally. My ex for example, is unlike those you will find in the mental ward. She is extremely high functioning, has held a job with a 6-figure income for many years, and appears to have no issues until she encounters events that are stressful for her. She is one of the "invisible" borderlines who will not appear in the healthcare system. Like many of those afflicted with NPD, when life's hurdles inevitably appear, accountability goes out the window. It is not uncommon for those with both disorders to blame/project on to someone else. The partner is left dumbfounded, wondering, "what happened?" I think it is necessary for those of us who have encountered unfortunate souls afflicted with NPD or BPD to reach out and warn those who are unsuspecting exactly what they can expect. I don't wish the inevitable heartache on anyone. I was fortunate that my ex and I were never married. I commend you on your efforts with your father.
Daniboo301
2015-08-10T04:48:00.060Z
I just got out of a relationship wit a narcissist I'm as happy as can be now. He pulled me so down. I was so depressed all the time and had no idea why and then I realised it was because of him so advice to girls if ur boyfriend has a narcissistic personality or biopolor and u not happy get out and run.
Missy
2015-08-13T00:20:15.996Z
Run for your life. The damage to your soul depends on it.
Nolay
2015-08-10T00:14:00.612Z
Sounds familiar lol.
JP
2015-08-10T18:12:03.468Z
Ugh!!! Kailee's comment bringing back a time of discovery and growth for me. Under the same umbrella as a cluster B personality disorder is Borderline Personality Disorder. While BPD has it's own set of 9 specific criteria, the majority of individuals afflicted with BPD are often comorbid with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As Alyx pointed out, possessing narcissistic traits is not the same as being diagnosed with NPD. We are all narcissistic to some degree. When the degree of narcissism becomes extreme along a spectrum is when it affects relationships adversely. Take heed in the comments from Meta, Kailee, peony blue, alka, Daniboo301, Jojo, Kat, Krenx and El. As you begin to develop a "relationship" with a person who is afflicted with BPD/NPD, you are entering their perception of reality . . . guaranteed to end unlike any interaction you have experienced in the past; totally destructive especially if your romantic interest is high-functioning. Little or no accountability. When difficulty eventually arises, it will be projected back on you. Intoxicating on the front end, when the end rears it's head, it will make no sense to those who think logically. Much like Kailee's description, (roller coaster) it's like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. The person you thought you knew is wearing a mask. It's a childhood defense mechanism that has existed long before you entered their life. It's a facade that will crack when we eventually prove to be human and therefore become "imperfect" and not the person they idealized in the initial stages. You will become totally worthless, devalued overnight in their black-and-white world. You can't change them. Go for the nearest exit, run, and don't look back. Count your blessings if you were able to leave before marriage and children.
Glenda
2016-08-25T14:45:27.933Z
Wow it's what I'm currently going through now and I want out !!!!im scared ,,,;( he's worse than everything mentioned!!
JP
2015-08-20T13:33:49.271Z
Becks, Beware of the red flags!! Good chance you will be next . . . I don't know if I would be so convinced this guy is amazing. Very, very serious issue that this guy was involved with you for 9 months while he still had a girlfriend. Even more alarming the reason he broke up with ex-gf because she found out about you. Were you completely honest with your ex fiancée about your involvement in the new relationship? Just something to ponder and only you can answer - honesty/integrity issues are THE most important in a serious long-term relationship. Without trust, eventually doomed to fail when the inevitable rough times arrive. Maybe share with a close friend who will challenge you or seek a counselor.

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