All Women's Talk

13 Ways to Deal with a Cheating Partner ...

By Alison

We all like to think that we won't need to know the different ways to deal with a cheating partner. Sadly some of us will find ourselves confronting the subject. So what can you do if it happens to you? It's not always a simple issue; many of us would leave, while others would try to work it out. Here are some of the ways to deal with a cheating partner …

1 Don't Blame Yourself

One of the most important ways to deal with a cheating partner is to place the blame where it belongs - with them. Some people react to being caught out by blaming their partner. It was their other half's fault for not giving them what they need! But nobody pushes someone into someone else's bed. Don't let them avoid the responsibility for what they have done.

2 Confront Your Partner

Now that you know that your partner cheated on you, it's time to confront them. Keeping this information to yourself won't help things so it's best to get things off your chest. How you confront your partner will be up to you, but it's best to try and stay as calm as possible. I know you're angry and humiliated, but it's better to have a calm conversation and state the facts.

3 What Can You Forgive?

Everyone has a different concept of what they can forgive. For me, any cheating would be a deal breaker and would end the relationship. Other women feel they can forgive a kiss, but not sex. You may not know what you could deal with until it actually happens. Perhaps you could forgive one person but not another.

4 Are They Sorry?

It's very easy for someone to say that they are sorry for cheating, but do they mean it? If they are genuinely contrite, rather than sorry they got caught, it may be worth considering forgiving them and continuing the relationship. The problem is that once the trust has been broken, it's rather difficult to believe anything the cheating person says …

5 Set Rules

If you feel that you can trust them in spite of what they've done, setting rules may help. For example, they won't keep their phone secret, or they agree to end contact with the other person. Ask them to follow rules that make you feel more comfortable. This shows a commitment on their part to rebuild the relationship.

6 Time

When your partner has cheated, it will take a long time to rebuild the relationship. Even if you believe that they truly regret what they did, you cannot just wipe the slate clean and act like it didn't happen. Both of you need to be prepared for it to take as long as necessary.

7 Second Chance

Only you can make the decision about whether or not to give your partner a second chance. If you decide it's worth it, make it very clear that they only have one more chance - and stick to that. If they cheat on you a second time, they should be history. Remember the saying 'Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me …'

8 Renegotiate

Just because your partner seems genuinely sorry doesn't mean everything is okay. A conscious decision was made to cheat and it is their responsibility to make things up to you. Renegotiate the terms of your relationship in detail so your expectations are clear.

9 Don't Try to See the Other Side

You might spend a length of time trying to make sense of this whole ordeal, but don't. There is no excuse for cheating and trying to see things from your partner's perspective and taking their side will not help you or your relationship at all.

10 Find Support

This is obviously a very trying time for you and surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family is imperative. We all need time alone, but don't shut your friends and family out - they want to help!

11 Take Care

While your mind might be busy thinking about your relationship, don't forget to take care of yourself. You're going through a difficult time right now, but that doesn't mean you should neglect yourself. You'll also feel better when you take care of yourself and make yourself presentable!

12 Let Go

If you decide to forgive your partner and try again, remember that constantly bringing up the infidelity and throwing it in their face won't help. If you're unable to truly let go and start over, it might be better to just move on without your partner.

13 Move on

If the relationship cannot be salvaged or you feel that cheating is unforgivable, then your only option is to move on. That's easier said than done when you may have invested a lot of time and emotional energy in your partner, but it has to be done. In time you'll recover your confidence and joie de vivre, and find someone who thinks so highly of you that they would never want anyone else.

Being cheated on leaves you with some tough decisions to make. You may feel reluctant to break up a long relationship, or worry about how you'll cope financially and emotionally if you break up. If you want to continue, that is your right, but never stay in a relationship because of low self-esteem or the fear of being alone. Have you ever managed to rebuild a relationship after cheating, or would you never stay with a cheater?

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