If you’re looking for a serious relationship, it’s important to know the life values to discuss with your beau! It’s been argued that similar values are what keeps a relationship strong, lasting and filled with understanding. Think about your own life values, and then find a way to discuss them seriously with your newest flame. You’ll feel even more confident about your current relationship knowing that you two are on the same page. And, you’ll know that he was willing to discuss some pretty serious stuff! Read on for 11 life values to discuss - and share!
One of the first and most broad life values to discuss with your boyfriend is your lifestyle. Are you hoping to live in the desert, stargazing nightly, or move every two years in the future? Anything pertaining to your life goals you want to achieve, ways you want to live or habits you want to create should be known. You both need to know if your desired lifestyles and day-to-day experiences will match up!
Do you want to get married? Does he? Marriage is a big value and it’s often taken for granted that the person you’re dating will feel the same way about marriage. It’s not just a matter of whether they are looking for a right partner, but a matter of how strongly they believe in marriage, how quickly they may or may not be hoping to get married, or how much they believe in making a marriage work. You don’t need to go to any extremes, like setting any timelines or compromising your desires to be a wife, but you should share your general thoughts and beliefs on the institution.
Kids, kids, kids! Some people do not want children. Some people don’t even realize they do or don’t feel strongly about kids after they’ve been in a happy relationship. Realize whether you do or do not - or do not know - and communicate it! If you definitely want kids, for example, and your beau definitely does not, it may be something to consider. Also note whether you have strong feelings about adoption, as that’s something he will have to be okay with to be with you in the long run!
Do you picture yourself staying super close to your family? Do you want to live nearby, or at least make the trip every Christmas? Make sure you know how your guy feels about family. He may not be close to his own, but he may still have strong family values. He may not understand your reasons, but will be supportive of your efforts to stay close to your family. Remember that when you partner with someone, you’re becoming your own family. Make sure he’ll help you form the family ties (whether it’s just the two of you or not!) that you desire.
Money is one of the biggest values that divorce lawyers report couples argue about. It’s tough to discuss money, especially early on in a relationship, but you can try to detect his values or talk briefly about the general gist of money. Does he seem to spend often and splurge easily? Or does he seem careful and thoughtful with his money? I was once told on a date that playing trades with money, or getting something because I wanted to treat them back, felt disrespectful. (What?!) Be aware of how he may feel about money, what about it may trigger certain emotions and where he wants to be with money years ahead, as it could be a troubling factor!
If you see yourself wanting to make the commitment to own a home, you’ll have to recognize that similar trait in your partner. Owning property has a lot of responsibilities, and owning property can also mean success to a lot of people. How do you feel, and how does he? If you’re working towards the end goal of signing that mortgage, make sure he’s at least on board in the same direction!
I believe that two people of different religions can totally be married, have kids and raise a family. If you feel strongly about religion, or lack thereof, see if his views align. If you two have differing views, will he support you to practice your beliefs. If you two want kids, will he be open to showing them both sides of things? Think about religion and the role it plays in your life. It could help you decide if you two have quite a few values that align, actually!
Make sure you know his thoughts about alcohol, as well as whether he can control it or chooses to avoid it. As long as you are okay with one anothers’ alcohol consumption, then you should be fine! Though, it’s important to think one thing over: Alcohol impacts social activities, atmospheres and hangouts - especially in relationships. I’m not talking frat parties in college, but even when you get older, alcohol has its presence. Let’s say you love to grab a beer and appetizers during football games, or have a tradition of making spiked cider on the first day of winter... and you’re dating someone who chooses not to drink at all. Think about your values and shared experiences. It seems silly and pointless but it could have an effect in the long-run. If you think silly arguments can be tempered over a glass of wine, and he doesn’t, it might be something to think about!
How willing is your guy to keep up with friends? Does he have a ton of friends that he likes to have over constantly, or does he not set much store by friendship? It’s important to think about life’s many new phases and how you feel friends, best friends and acquaintances fit into them. You don’t need to have the same number or quality of friends, just provide support for one another in your respective friendships!
Realize that any of these values can be compromised. If it’s important to you, it should be important to him! Most people have a set decision or vision or what their lives will be like, depending on where their values lie. And the person you choose to share your life with should align with at least some of these values. What values are most important to you?