Breaking up is hard to do. We humans have never been good at it and I think we’ve made it even worse in the modern world – break up by text, break up by email – seriously? And now, I hear of a new way called “ghosting”. This is where you end a relationship simply by ceasing communication with your partner. That’s horrible. No matter how your feelings have changed, you deserve to treat your partner and yourself – with dignity when breaking up. You may have lost respect for them as your partner but this person is still well, a person. How do you break up mindfully?
1 Accept That It’s over
One of the most important ways to break up with dignity is to acknowledge within yourself the relationship really is over. You will never be able to truly move on if part of you cannot accept that this part of your life is over. So preserve your dignity, stop yourself from starting to appear desperate and force yourself to acclimatize to your new circumstances.
2 Boundaries Must Be Respected
This is something that needs to be adhered to both by you and your partner. It is vitally important that the new boundaries that your separation has created are not continually crossed in the short time after the break up. You both need to give each other the privacy and respect that is needed to move on at one’s own pace.
3 Leave No Questions
In order to achieve full closure and as much dignity and mindfulness as possible, you and your partner should leave no stone unturned when it comes to your reasons for breaking up. Making sure that there are no questions left unanswered, and also answering them in a respectful manner is key to keeping the process mature.
4 Be Mindful of the Present
If your ex is somebody that you are not going to be able to completely cut out of your life, a work colleague, for example, then you need to learn how to interact with them in light of the different circumstances. Be mindful of the present and the fact that your relationship has changed. Do not hang on to the personal jokes and intimate moments that you once shared.
5 Be Available during the Break up Process
One of the best ways to preserve your dignity during a separation is to make yourself available to help your ex through the process along with you. Shutting yourself away and becoming unhelpful is not productive, both for your closure and your ex’s. So if you want to be able to look back at this break up in years to come with a sense of satisfaction about your behavior, try to be mindful and as helpful as your emotion can allow.
6 Be Patient
Patience is a real virtue, and patience is something you will need a lot of when going through a break up, especially if your other half is in denial or unwilling to cooperate. At times you will want to throw something, shout at the top of your lungs and be completely unreasonable, but think of it this way, use your patience to behave so that you don’t do anything you would be ashamed to tell somebody in five years time.
7 Commit to Compromise
As relationships are all about compromise, so too are break ups. The key factor to preserving your dignity during a separation is to be able to see things from both sides and try to achieve a mindful compromise that allows both you and your new ex to be able to move on in a healthy manner. Don’t hold too many grudges and don’t be unreasonable in the break up process!
Yes, it’s seriously hard to keep your emotions in check when breaking up. Being mindful will actually help the healing process because you’ve already chosen love and non-judgment over hate.
Please share your breakup stories. What your most excruciating breakup?